


Broken Wings Can Fly

by Lonely_Broccoli



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: 1890s, Alternate Universe - Gods & Goddesses, Alternate Universe - Historical, Alternate Universe - Hospital, Alternate Universe - Magic, Angst, Angst and Tragedy, Angst with a Happy Ending, Bedside Hand-Holding, Birthday Presents, But they get a party in chap 7 yay, Denial of Feelings, Dorkiness, Established Relationship, Eventual Romance, Everyone Needs A Hug, Fantasy elements, Fighting and making up, Hurt/Comfort, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, I'm so sorry they don't deserve this treatment, Implied/Referenced Abuse, Iwaizumi Hajime/Oikawa Tooru Angst, Kindaichi centric with different povs, Kindaichi has a tragic backstory, Kindaichi is a doctor, Lots of arguments, M/M, Medical Conditions, Near Death Experiences, Rivers, Sick Character, Slow Burn, Suga suffers a lot, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt, Terminal Illnesses, Warm and Fuzzy Feelings, Waterbending & Waterbenders
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-09-24
Updated: 2018-12-03
Packaged: 2019-01-05 00:33:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 16
Words: 47,115
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12179511
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lonely_Broccoli/pseuds/Lonely_Broccoli
Summary: Kindaichi Yuutarou moves away from everything familiar to him for a career as a doctor in Kanae Island. He expects a life of work and privacy. Instead he winds up sharing a house with two perpetually arguing young men, and discovers more about himself than he ever expected to.





	1. His New Workplace

**Author's Note:**

> I really hope this story I'll be able to update without losing motivation! This story may take time to update because of my ever-so-turbulent motivation levels and the amount of research I need to do about history, but I hope everyone enjoys this completely self indulgent fic!

**Meiji Era, 1892, 3rd of July, 9:05AM, Sunday**

With a deafening honk, the journey by the ship slowly came to a close. Crowds of tourists and businessmen, who Kindaichi assumed were in more of a hurry than he was exited their rooms, closed the mahogany doors behind them for the last time while Kindaichi decided to wait around until he would be able to walk in a straight line without getting his newly polished leather shoes trampled over.

Kindaichi sank his weight into the luxurious armchair adorned with crimson, velvet upholstery without a speck of dust by the round window. Flexing his shoulders, Kindaichi peered out the window in hope of something other than sea everywhere catching his eye.

It was a town, without the usual hustling and bustling one would expect from it. Kindaichi checked his calendar and realised that it was a weekday, although the town seemed quiet. A strange sight it was, but Kindaichi embraced it.

Having lived in the humble countryside of Miyagi for the entirety of his life, anything outside of what he was used to always fascinated him. It wasn't a fancy town, and one could even say that it was not suitable for tourism, but the slightly ancient feel it had was enough to keep Kindaichi enchanted.

The view wasn't much, but it was stunning to Kindaichi. Houses and buildings were all of similar shape and structure, made of slightly outdated materials. It reminded Kindaichi of his classmate in medical school that would always catch up to trends a week later than everyone else. There were people strolling down the stone path, some with paper bags full of groceries or a baby wrapped in a blanket. Kindaichi had momentarily forgotten that it was a town with people living in it, and not a life-sized museum display.

The memories from not so long ago resurfaced, rekindling a fond warmth in his heart. He would arguably be able to sit by the window reminiscing until he could see the crescent moon's reflection in the sea, but that was an absurd thought, which could be compared to the hidden urge to jump from a cliff into the rough waves of the sea from a height that could surely kill. The idea held a hidden charm to its core, masked by layers of common sense.

If his old roommate Kenma were there with him, he would remind the young doctor why he had taken a remarkably long boat trip to Kanae Island, away from everything he was familiar with, including Kenma himself. Kindaichi would have refused to give it all up for almost anything, if it weren't for the job offer that would surely make him both respected and well-off. Besides, it was an excuse to move out and have a life of his own.

Kindaichi grabbed hold of his briefcase nestling beside him. The corner had pressed into his hip, creating an indent. He was determined to make it all count, after the years he spent studying for his medical licence. It wasn't going to be lying there collecting dust like the mediocre prizes that Kindaichi had collected over the years; for instance, the "Best Animal Impressions" award that he had acquired during his second year of medical school.

It made him wonder why it was even legal to be forced into talent shows, when he could have spent that time working a part-time job or studying, something that would benefit his future. Admittedly, it was fun to watch Terushima prance around claiming to be a deer, especially when Kindaichi's porcupine act had defeated that. Maybe talent shows were satisfying after all, particularly the prize money.

As soon as Kindaichi had finished stepping down the floorboards of the hallway and outside the ship for the first time in a few days, a sharp salty smell accompanied by seagulls letting out high-pitched cries and swooping above his head greeted him immediately, taking him by surprise. Kindaichi stepped back for a moment, allowing a seagull to have a smooth landing onto the wood in front of him.

Kindaichi gave a shrug, continuing to make his way straight on. He didn't have any crumbs to feed the seagulls, or anything that would entertain them. The seagull tilted its head at Kindaichi, as if it was asking him what he was shrugging for.

Kindaichi left the seagulls and the port with a small smile, making his way up onto the stone steps, with moss growing inside the cracks. He wouldn't mind going down them again sometime, when he wasn't busy working at his new workplace, which was shown on the map in his hand, covered in creases and already smelling like it had been in his pocket since the Edo era. Kindaichi decided to get there first, rather than heading to his home; well, it was more of a room, but Kindaichi could call it a home. If he could call where he used to live a home, he was definitely going to make his room feel like Yuutarou _manor_.

Thinking about his new home lifted his mood considerably, making him feel as if he were the happiest man on the island for a split second. The feeling was soon replaced by amazement, when an orange dot came dashing towards him from the top of a slope, making yelling noises all the while.

The dot of orange became a figure, which in turn became a person holding a shoulder pole, gripping the wooden beam along the top with both hands. The two ends of the scale-like equipment which looked as if they were made of wood, held a colossal amount of seasonal flowers.

Kindaichi immediately worried that the person would collapse under the weight of everything. However, the firm expression on the young man's face, the bead of sweat trickling down his face and the untranslatable screaming that reminded Kindaichi of a chicken getting slaughtered showed confidence, which became more apparent as the man with the orange puff came closer and closer.

Kindaichi wondered why anything would be worth running for at such a speed, until he came to the realisation that it was not something that the orange male was running at.

It was someone, namely Kindaichi, who had all but thirty seconds to take two steps to the side, avoiding head-on collision. As the male skidded to a halt, making clouds of dust rise up at his legs, Kindaichi could only blink in disbelief and exasperation at him.

"What the hell were you trying to do?" Kindaichi queried, his voice guttural as if he were a teacher cornering a delinquent. The shorter male seemed to shrink to the ground, still holding his shoulder pole with the baskets of flowers attached on either side. The flower boy was much shorter than Kindaichi, which he only noticed when he was standing in front of him.

"You're the new resident here! Right?" The male replied with a question, ignoring Kindaichi's incredulous expression. Yes, the new resident that you almost killed, Kindaichi thought as he ran his fingers through his hair.

"I'm Hinata Shouyou! Your roommate! You're from Miyagi, and you came here to work at Sawamura Hospital, and your name is.." before Hinata could finish retelling Kindaichi's life story, the taller male introduced himself curtly.

"Kindaichi Yuutarou. I don't know how you managed to-"

"I saw Daichi-san's report that contained information about you." Hinata grinned proudly, contrasting Kindaichi's face that was turning bluer every second.

"I remember being told that those papers were strictly confidential. Did you 'see' them or is 'sneak a peek' more appropriate?"

"Rather not answer that one." Hinata muttered, tittering nervously. Kindaichi leaned in further until his eyelashes were inches away from Hinata's, which were blinking at an abnormal speed.

Come to think of it, Kindaichi was having trouble finding something that wasn't abnormal about this Hinata florist. His hair looked like a blasted carrot, his voice sounded too chirpy, and he reminded Kindaichi of his five-year-old niece. Just as Kindaichi managed to create a fact file of Hinata inside his mind, he realised something that he shouldn't have ignored.

"You said something about roommates.." Kindaichi inquired quietly, afraid of the answer that he would receive. If he had heard correctly, he was going to stay in a room on the second floor of a lodging house. Surely it must have been a figure of speech when Hinata said "roommate".

"Yup! You and me are going to be sharing rooms!" Hinata acknowledged, and Kindaichi could almost feel a thunderbolt strike down his heart. In all his life, he had never dreaded sharing something so much. He had automatically assumed that if it was a room he was renting, he would manage to enjoy it in solitude.

He couldn't have been more wrong. The corner of Kindaichi's mouth twitched in annoyance, but he wasn't going to complain. He had vowed to get used to whatever may happen at his new home.  
"In that case, I hope we can be good acquaintances." Kindaichi extended a hand out to his roommate, not expecting it to be shaken as if it were a dog's toy. Biting back a comment about common courtesy, Kindaichi forced himself to keep smiling.

"I hope so too! Oh, you're going to your new workplace, right? I have some business at Sawamura hospital, too! Come with me, I have a shortcut that'll save you the time to have a cup of tea!" Before Kindaichi could take Hinata's words apart and think about them one by one, his arm had been yanked by the ginger male, who urged him to come.

Hinata had started quickening his pace no sooner than Kindaichi had a grasp of what was going on, forcing him to run along with him. He was going to go insane if Hinata were to get lost in a place not shown on Kindaichi's map, but he was more concerned about the tree branches that scratched his face as he passed through an area with colossal trees in every direction he cast his eyes upon. Using his arms to keep the leaves and branches out of his face, Kindaichi silently hoped that by the time his terrible dream was over, he would be at his new workplace.

"Whoa. Look at your clothes." Hinata remarked, making Kindaichi realise that his new suit had been scratched all over during his journey. He was going to have great fun explaining that to his boss. Hinata's clothes, on the other hand, seemed perfectly fine. Kindaichi reminded himself to never let Hinata take him on a shortcut again.

"I can fix them up for you." Hinata suggested, but Kindaichi shook his head profusely.  
"I don't think I should trust you with clothes." It was easy to spot the hospital where Kindaichi stood. The words "Sawamura Hospital" were painted in white on a slightly rusted plate, giving away that it had been there for a long time.

"I'm guessing you need to see Da- I mean, Sawamura-san, right?" Kindaichi nodded as an answer, getting ready to part ways with the eccentric florist. Hinata seemed to know about "Sawamura-san" more than Kindaichi, from what he gathered.

"He's going to be with Suga-san until ten." Hinata explained, placing his shoulder pole on the grass beside the beige-coloured path.  
"I've been told that I will meet him at that time." Kindaichi headed inside the hospital, dusting himself off to look like he hadn't just jumped into a bush.

"Come to think of it, who are you visiting? You don't seem to be here to be treated." Kindaichi queried, turning to face Hinata. He seemed like the last person Kindaichi would associate with hospitals; it would be difficult to imagine an unhealthy person running around with a shoulder pole full of flowers.

"Oh, right. I'm here to visit Suga-san, my friend. You should come with me, since you're bound to meet him sooner or later." Hinata answered, and Kindaichi recognised the name he mentioned from earlier. He let Hinata lead the way, which thankfully didn't involve Kindaichi's clothes getting scratched.

Hinata stopped at one particular room, tapping on the door that was marked with the number 819.  
"It's me, and the Kindaichi guy!" Hinata announced as he opened the door without waiting for a response. Kindaichi followed Hinata in reluctantly, staring at the tiled floor for a few moments before raising his head.

Two male figures caught Kindaichi's eye, both of them seeming to know Hinata well. Kindaichi attempted to introduce himself before anything else, hoping sincerely that the two acted less wilder than Hinata.

"I'm Kindaichi Yuutarou, as some of you might already know. I arrived here at-" Kindaichi stopped, realising that the darker-haired male in the doctor outfit was struggling to keep a straight face in front of him; If was probably on account that Kindaichi looked like he had been mauled by a bear.

"No prizes for guessing who lead me here." Kindaichi attempted to be humorous, but the words came out in such a way that he sounded almost condescending. Despite that, everyone else in the room smiled warmly at him. A strange sense of embarrassment crept up Kindaichi's chest all of a sudden.

"I'm Sawamura Daichi, I work here at my grandfather's hospital." The dark-haired male shook Kindaichi's hand tightly, reminding Kindaichi to never challenge him to an arm-wrestling competition.

The grey-haired male perched on the bed with a Mori Ougai novel in his hand bowed his head lightly, placing a bookmark with a lotus flower design inside. "Sugawara Koushi's my name, but I assume Hinata's already told you something other than how to look like a creature roaming about in a bush."

Kindaichi had no choice but to chuckle at the joke made at his expense. It was a certainly better joke than any of his own, and Sugawara, while sarcastic, seemed well educated. Kindaichi assumed that he was a patient, judging from his looks and the gown that he was wearing.

"So, I'd better show you around here. Hinata, you keep Suga company, and don't spill or burn anything while we're gone." Daichi's smile became intimidating, even to Kindaichi. He could imagine either of the things Daichi mentioned happening, which wasn't reassuring. 

Kindaichi followed Daichi around, taking mental notes as he glanced around the pristine building. The smell seemed familiar to his classroom at his university, where all of the anatomy models and various containers of samples were kept. The welcoming atmosphere had made the strict expression on his face disappear soon, which Daichi picked up on earlier than he did himself.

"If you have any questions, ask away. I'll answer anything I can." Daichi seemed to be bothered by the fact that Kindaichi had gone eerily quiet, in a world of his own. Kindaichi knew that he should have asked about the specifics of his job, even though he had an understanding of it. However, he found himself wanting to know more about the three he had just met.

"Does Sugawara-san have an occupation?" Kindaichi queried, since Hinata and Daichi's jobs were self-explanatory. Daichi's expression softened, fondness reflected in his eyes.  
"He writes fiction. You should ask him about it sometime, he knows about his job more than anybody else."

"You seem to know a lot about him, though. Is he someone special to you?" Kindaichi asked, momentarily forgetting where he stood. Before he could apologise for straying off topic, Daichi started to chuckle. "He's someone special, all right," he admitted, seemingly open about how he felt towards Sugawara.

Kindaichi couldn't bring himself to ask more about Sugawara, knowing that if he was admitted to a hospital Kindaichi knew the name of long before he came to the island, he wouldn't want to ask as to what had happened to him. He stayed silent for the rest of his tour, brushing his hair out of his eyes. He wondered if sticking his hair up made him look less professional, since it would certainly keep it out of his way.

"How about we see what Hinata and Suga are up to." Daichi suggested, as if to break the uncomfortable silence they were engulfed in. Kindaichi was back to realising how boring of a human being he was compared to everyone else, not that it mattered. If he could do his work in peace, everything else could come in second.

The pair of doctors returned to the hall where Sugawara's room was, but the door didn't need to be opened for both of them to notice that something was up, which wasn't a good thing judging from the masculine yelling. Kindaichi could pick up some of the words, sounding something like "Dumbass! Dumbass Hinata!" and "Shut your mouth!"

Kindaichi took cover before he could get caught up in Daichi's wrath, that was now evident by the tone of voice in which he announced, "I'm going to take a look." There seemed to be a third person doing the yelling as well as Hinata, who seemed just as childish as him, if not more.

Kindaichi silently thanked Lady Luck that his workmates didn't feature either of the bickering males, as two dull noises that was most likely Daichi releasing his anger via fist echoed inside Sugawara's room.

"I'm so sorry for all this chaos." Daichi apologised once he was calm enough to stop releasing his aura of terror. "Don't worry about it, it was certainly.. interesting." Kindaichi's choice of words definitely didn't make it sound at all interesting; quite the opposite, actually.

Hinata and a darker-haired male were bowing their heads as a means to show their feelings of apology, somehow finiding a way to glare and blame each other whilst doing so. Kindaichi could only sigh at this point, hoping that he would never have to treat those two for the rest of his life.

"How about you go home now, Kindaichi? I'm sure you would like to see what your new place is like." Daichi suggested, preventing Kindaichi from seeing anything else that would motivate him to quit his work before he even started.

"But I heard you were staying with Hinata and Kageyama, huh? Sharing a floor with them would be pretty.. interesting, as you put it." Kindaichi raised his eyebrows at Daichi's statement, having never heard of the other person mentioned.

"I'm afraid to ask, but.. Who's Kageyama?" Kindaichi queried, and no sooner than he had asked, Hinata had yelled "This is all your fault, Kageyama!" Daichi pointed to Kegayama's direction with his chin, giving Kindaichi a sympathetic look. That, of course, didn't make Kindaichi feel any better.

Kindaichi had already regretted all of his life choices, not saying a word as he exited the hospital wearing a grim expression. It could be worse, he told himself repeatedly. He just couldn't think of anything worse at the moment.


	2. Three Futons

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Kageyama's called that because apparently, he doesn't listen to his workmates when he's making his sweets and he once blew up all the biscuits in the oven. And so, they called him an egotistical king." Yamaguchi filled in the details for Kindaichi, quietly enough so that Kageyama wouldn't be annoyed any further.
> 
> Kindaichi meets new people, Hinata and Kageyama have an extra futon on their floor.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The only reason why I have this chapter up is because it was already made by the time I posted chapter one lol.

**6:20PM, later that day**

After getting sandwiched in between Hinata and Kageyama's bickering, Kindaichi was sure that his blood pressure had faced a dramatic increase. He wished that he could have just shared a room with Sugawara and Daichi, but then again, he would feel like a third wheel if that were to happen.

"Dumbass!"  
"Stupid!"

Kindaichi had honestly just wanted to stop listening after a while, but the topics that Hinata and Kageyama argued about were so petty, that he couldn't help but to listen a little. Five minutes ago, it had been whether fried eggs should be eaten with soy sauce or salt. The current hot topic was "Which is the cooler profession: Florist or Confectioner?"

No prizes for guessing who was who. Kindaichi internally argued that it was obviously his job that was the coolest so both parties could shut their cakeholes.

"Kindaichi, which do you think is cooler?" Hinata forcibly dragged Kindaichi into the argument, who honestly thought of packing his bags and bowing at Daichi's feet so that maybe he could sleep in peace. "I think both are cool in different ways, Hinata." He answered half-heartedly.

"Whoa, really? I guess.. that's true!" Surprisingly, Hinata was satisfied with his answer and quit pestering him. "Besides, arguing about that kind of petty matter is rather stupid, isn't it- sweetie?" Kindaichi whispered to Kageyama, hoping to at least irk him the way he and Hinata had done to him.

Kageyama stared at him, stopping dead in his tracks. He seemed to be confused as to why Kindaichi had addressed him as a "sweetie" when they had just met, until it hit him. "Did you just.. Did you just make a pun out of my profession?!" Kageyama's reaction at his little joke was more than enough to make him burst into peals of laughter.

Hinata started to laugh at Kageyama's anguish and incredulous expression, not stopping to think about the possibility of the whole village complaining about him hollering. "I never knew you were into puns! Sugawara-san is definitely going to enjoy your company." Hinata chirped, and his statement made Kageyama roll his eyes. "Do not get me started on his puns."

Kindaichi had made an effort to keep a firm expression, since laughing at what anything Hinata of Kageyama did felt like a blow to his pride, but the fact that mature Sugawara was indeed a pun enthusiast took him by surprise. His ribs ached in a good way, and he was in the mood to laugh at anything.

"No pun about flowers?" Hinata peered into Kindaichi's face, as if he were expecting Kindaichi to crack another joke. The taller male shrugged overdramatically, while Kageyama stared at him begrudgingly. "He's just mad because he can't make puns. Isn't that right, sweetie?" Hinata's statement made Kindaichi snort, while Kageyama threw his arms up and took brusque steps to their house.

Hinata threw open the door with such force that it slammed into the wall beside it, not worrying about anything breaking. "Behold, our lair!" While Kindaichi stared inside the house while standing in the doorway, Kageyama headed inside while bumping his shoulder on purpose.

Considering that Kindaichi had been told that it was literally a room, he hadn't expected much of it, and so the fact that it had more than one room surprised him. Logically speaking, there was no way three grown men could cook, sleep and go about doing their daily duties in one room, but he hadn't been told he was sharing, either.

About six tatami mats worth of space was for cooking, and the rest was for everything else. The public baths were close by, much to Kindaichi's relief. Although he wanted to avoid being stuck between Hinata and Kageyama and being splashed by the bath water, there wasn't much choice.

"There are futons inside this closet, by the way." Kageyama tapped his fist against the cream-coloured sliding door, decorated with designs of plum flowers, bamboo and pine trees. It had quite a few rips and stains on it, each telling an entirely new story of Hinata and Kageyama's antics. Kindaichi decided that he wasn't going to ask.

After heating up some rice and seasonal vegetables in the hearth for dinner, Kindaichi was taken to the public baths by Hinata and Kageyama. The baths were larger and spacious compared to the ones in his hometown, despite not many people occupying the premises. As he had heard from Daichi, Kanae Island wasn't a populous island, with low pull factors attracting tourists. Kindaichi's cheeks started to turn a shade of light red from the humid atmosphere already.

Just as Kindaichi dipped his legs into the warm water swirling from the movements of people already inside, a voice to his right called out "Evening!" The owner of the voice was a freckled male, about the same age as Hinata. "Evening, Yamaguchi! Kindaichi arrived today!" Hinata pointed to Kindaichi, who bowed his head slightly.

"I'm Yamaguchi Tadashi, and I work with Hinata at the flower shop. Nice to meet you, Kindaichi." Yamaguchi waved in a friendly manner, making Kindaichi sigh in relief. "And I'm Tsukishima Kei." The taller male beside Yamaguchi waded his way over to Kindaichi, bending down to whisper in his ear.

"I feel so bad for you, having to stay in a room with Hinata and Kageyama." His voice had a teasing tone to it, but Kindaichi could hear the genuine concern in it too. His first impression of Tsukishima was _thank goodness someone finally understands_ , but he knew Tsukishima would also get a kick out of watching him suffer through his antics.

Kageyama and Hinata's ears had picked up Tsukishima's snarky comment, which had been too loud for it to be a secret between him and Kindaichi. "What did you just say, dumbass Tsukishima dumbass?!" Kageyama angrily traversed through the bath water to pick a fight with Tsukishima, and Hinata was quick to follow.

"Please talk to me once you can properly form a sentence, King." Tsukishima paid no attention to Kageyama's annoyance, smirking at him condescendingly. "Don't call me that!" He shouted, while Kindaichi furrowed his brows in confusion.

"Kageyama's called that because apparently, he doesn't listen to his workmates when he's making his sweets and he once blew up all the biscuits in the oven. And so, they called him an egotistical king." Yamaguchi filled in the details for Kindaichi, quietly enough so that Kageyama wouldn't be annoyed any further.

"That sounds pretty childish of everyone involved." Kindaichi stated, and Yamaguchi nodded in agreement. It was hard to believe that everyone he had met were legally adults, when they acted like children at a carnival. Being with them made Kindaichi feel like he was in one, too.

On their return journey home after waving Tsukishima and Yamaguchi goodbye, there were thankfully no arguments between anyone regarding what sauce to put on fried eggs or who could sing about peach flowers better. The fact that Kindaichi could try to predict what was going to happen next made him feel almost like a parent, and it unnerved him.

Hinata lit an oil lamp after everyone was inside the house, and it was only then Kindaichi could see the outlines of everything. "Let's call it a day, huh? I'm sure you're tired from the long journey." Hinata sympathised, opening the sliding doors and pulling out the futons. Kindaichi felt like collapsing any moment into one, his eyelids heavy.

"Two futons turn to three." Kageyama mused, and Kindaichi couldn't tell if he was smiling, but he almost wished he was. All in all, it hadn't been a bad first day, and his next day he would be busy at work. Somehow, he thought that that would be less exhausting than spending the day with his roommates. "Good night." He dove into the covers before anyone could say a word, and paid attention to only the owl hooting outside into the night sky as he fell asleep.

Kindaichi woke up with two futons on either side of him, one empty and one with Kageyama spread out, snoring away. It was as if Hinata rose with the sun itself, like his name. The clock read 6:10AM, plenty of time for him to get ready. The light shining through the paper sliding doors into the room allowed him to take a good look at everything in the room in his moment of peace and tranquility.

The sky was clear, with no wind to rustle the leaves tightly packed together outside. The only sound was Kageyama's soft snoring, and Kindaichi shuffled closer to him without a sound. His stomach was left uncovered from his clothes getting messed up in his sleep, and Kindaichi was glad he didn't sleep beside him. He could have placed the lotus-patterned futon over the snoozing male and left, but the temptation of messing with him was too great.

Silently, Kindaichi opened up his leather bag that was perched in the corner of his room, and rummaged through for the lipstick that Terushima had given to him as a joke . Uncapping it, he shuffled over to Kageyama on his knees and wrote "SWEET DREAMS" on his stomach, slipping out of the house stealthily after his little prank was done. Hopefully Kageyama wouldn't toss and turn in his sleep.

"Good morning, Kindaichi! I'll give you your schedule for this week, so feel free to ask me anything you don't know." Daichi handed Kindaichi a piece of paper with his tasks for the month written down. It was almost too soft of a schedule, Kindaichi thought in arrogance. "Thank you." He nodded curtly, heading over to one of the consultation room, where he scanned through the medical records of past patients that would have a chance of coming back.

"Yo."

Kindaichi fell out of his chair as an unfamiliar figure with unruly hair like a cockerel's crest peeped into the room. The man hadn't expected Kindaichi to react like that, and immediately pulled him up off the ground. "Calm down, I'm not going to eat you alive. I just wanted to say hello to the new guy, you know?" Kindaichi stared hard at him, not letting his guard down.

"I'm Kuroo Tetsurou, cardiologist and surgeon. You're the one from Miyagi, right?" Kuroo asked for confirmation. Kindaichi nodded, taking a few cautious steps closer to him, still slightly intimidated. He felt the same aura of "do not mess around with him" that he did from Daichi radiating from him.

"Yeah, it's Kindaichi." The doctor answered snappily, to which Kuroo answered, "Your first name?"

"Yuutarou. I work mainly in the diagnostics field, and assist operations whenever I am fit to do so." Kindaichi felt obliged to give the same information Kuroo had given him, although he started to feel self conscious about the way he spoke. It was as if he was transparent, being stared right through.

Kuroo made a humming noise, taking out a few papers from his clipboard to show Kindaichi. "In that case, I'm pretty sure you're going to assist me in about an hour and half?" Kindaichi immediately checked his schedule, and sure enough, it said "Assist Dr. Kuroo with his operation".

"You know where the second operating room is, right? I'll see you there." Kuroo stated, leaving Kindaichi to get started on his job. In the span of an hour and ten minutes, Kindaichi had gotten through about fifteen patients, who mostly needed a prescription for a cold or something equally minor. Since the island was pretty small, there weren't many emergency patients. Even if there were, it was usually an injury, which Kindaichi didn't have to handle.

Kindaichi arrived a little earlier than he had intended to, but there wasn't much to do after all his patients had been taken care of. "Yo, newbie! Ready to assist Kuroo-san?" Kuroo waved a gloved hand at Kindaichi, handing him a surgical mask and gloves. "Please call me Kindaichi." He sighed as Kuroo opened up the patient with an indifferent expression.

"Forceps." Kuroo instructed, and Kindaichi handed the equipment over without a word. "So, what do you plan on having for dinner today?" Kuroo asked with his eyes on the patient. Kindaichi wondered if Kuroo was asking a rhetorical question, since he had never assisted a surgeon that talked this much during operations.

Kuroo continued to make small talk with Kindaichi while performing the surgery, which was one-sided because of Kindaichi's lack of participation. He could tell that Kuroo was skilled, which didn't really surprise him, but he feared that if he answered any of his questions, Kuroo would become distracted.

"Thanks for the support, Kindaichi." Kuroo slipped off his gloves after completing the operation, grabbing a bottle of disinfectant nearby. "Anytime," Kindaichi felt as if Kuroo was being almost sarcastic with him, but he figured that he was naturally like that with everyone he met. He bowed quickly before making his way to Sugawara's room, after glancing at his schedule which read "Meet up with us in Suga's room after work".

No sooner than Kindaichi had told Daichi, Hinata, Kageyama and Sugawara his encounter with Kuroo, everyone excluding him had burst into laughter. He had no choice but to clench his fist in embarrassment at this point, which Daichi noticed immediately. "Sorry, Kindaichi! I should have told you about Kuroo." Daichi scratched his neck apologetically, while Kageyama marched up to Kindaichi with a scowl on his face.

"Something the matter?" Kindaichi asked, to which Kageyama answered by rolling up his shirt to display his stomach, which had a pinkish tint to it because of the lipstick Kindaichi had applied to it earlier. He had totally forgotten about his prank, but Kageyama hadn't. "I never knew you were this awesome, Kindaichi!" Hinata complimented him, which didn't make Kageyama feel better.

"I heard you put lipstick on him, is that true?" Sugawara queried, his usual smile plastered onto his face. "It is true!" Kageyama answered on his behalf, crossing his arms with a pout on his face. "Why would you even have lipstick in the first place?!" Kageyama fumed like a steam train, while Hinata fell on the floor laughing.

Sugawara beckoned to Kindaichi, whispering to the doctor, "Listen. Next time, put it on his face. If you're lucky, he'll forget to wash his face in the morning and we'll get a good laugh out of that." The unexpected suggestion made Kindaichi choke on air, and it was safe to assume that Kageyama heard Sugawara. "I-I don't forget to wash my face! Kindaichi, I will sock you if you ever decide to try that out!" He protested weakly.

"Sure you don't, Kageyama!"  
"Shut up, dumbass!"

Daichi yanked Hinata backwards while Kindaichi found himself doing the same for Kageyama, who was still squawking at him. "You do realise that you're the source of all this, Kindaichi?!" Kindaichi ignored Kageyama's valid point, making a mental note to hide his lipstick somewhere Kageyama would never get ahold of it.

"Enough fighting, everyone. Why don't we tell Kindaichi the story about this island?" As soon as Daichi made his suggestion, Hinata and Kageyama stopped thrashing about and immediately turned to Daichi and Sugawara. "Yes!" They chorused, while Kindaichi waited with an interested look in his eyes.

"Suga, will you do the honours?" Daichi turned towards the male on the bed, who seemed to be used to telling the same particular story whenever someone new came along.

"I sure will. Listen, Kindaichi, to the tale of how this island got its name." Sugawara started dramatically, while Hinata's eyes sparkled, excited to hear the story again. Even Kageyama seemed to be at peace, while Daichi sat on the edge of the bed beside Sugawara.

"In this island, there exists many Gods, even to this day."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading, have a good day.


	3. Shatter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Gods," Kindaichi raised a sceptical eyebrow. "Whatever do you mean by that?" Although his family could be called Buddhists, Kindaichi had never been a person of strong faith. He had never heard of this story about Gods in Kanae Island when he had received a letter from Daichi back in Miyagi, nor did any of his friends tell him anything regarding that.
> 
> Things take a drastic change, and Kindaichi becomes part of the the glue holding things together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heya! Sorry for the slow updates, I've been having rough times recently and being depressed is not fun. Well enough of my excuses lol, I hope you enjoy the newest chapter!

**4th of July, 10:20AM, Sunday**

"Gods," Kindaichi raised a sceptical eyebrow. "Whatever do you mean by that?" Although his family could be called Buddhists, Kindaichi had never been a person of strong faith. He had never heard of this story about Gods in Kanae Island when he had received a letter from Daichi back in Miyagi, nor did any of his friends tell him anything regarding that.

Sugawara seemed to notice how Kindaichi felt, and only gave him a patient smile. "They're not exactly like Gods that were worshipped, like Amaterasu or Susanoo. These Gods existed from the start of time itself, but only a few had a conscious identity, a will of their own." He explained. "The ones without a will were the ones without major duties, say for example the different colours of autumn leaves. Since they don't change, or need changing over time, the God responsible eventually became a part of nature itself."

"However," Sugawara paused for a few moments before continuing. "The Gods in charge of more major things, such as the rainfall, the movement of the earth we stand on, had a body and a conscience of their own. They were able to have offspring, though their powers would be limited. This was exactly the case for the River God, who had a son with a very powerful ability to grant wishes."

Kindaichi was starting to think of the story as something out of a fairy tale. "How does a River God's son have wish-granting abilities?" He queried. "Shouldn't he have the same powers as his father?"

"He had some control over water, but he didn't see it as important. Well, who's to blame? He was amazed at his own ability, and as a result had quite an arrogant personality. Of course, his father never overlooked that fact, and restricted his powers so that he could only use them once a century, when he could visit our world."

"I'd never be able to stand that," Hinata chimed in. "Imagine, having this awesome talent that could help billions of people, and not being able to use it for a hundred years!"

Kageyama gave a tired sigh, although he tried not to seem like he was tired of hearing the story. "You say that every time we hear this story." He commented, before Sugawara cleared his throat.

"River God Junior was always bored up in the heavens, until there was an unplanned birth of a young God in the Earth God's family. See, this Earth God already had a powerful son, who had inherited most of his powers. The second son was seen as unneeded by everyone, except for the River God's son."

"That's.. not very nice," Kindaichi frowned. He wasn't foreign to the idea of someone being shunned by their own kin, and a part of him felt as if he were in the place of the second son. "Nobody should have their worth determined over something so trivial." He stated, as if he were speaking about reality instead of a story about Gods.

Sugawara shook his head, staring at the notice board on the wall. "Not all Gods are nice, I guess." His gaze seemed to shift from one end of the room to the other, while the others waited for him to continue with the tale.

However, when he opened up his mouth to speak, what came out instead of words was a harsh cough. "Sugawara-san?" A look of worry crossed Hinata's eyes, and he was quick to approach the grey-haired male, who extended a shaky hand at him and tried to shoo him off.

"Kageyama, Hinata, stay back for a moment." Daichi held out an arm while keeping a calm expression, but Kindaichi could see that his legs were trembling. Sugawara was bent over as if he had been stabbed in his chest, and Kindaichi caught a glimpse of blood splattering onto Sugawara's palm. Kindaichi started to feel light-headed from the sudden change in Sugawara's condition.

He couldn't imagine how everyone else must have been feeling, but the fact that neither Kageyama nor Hinata were wearing any sort of mask in the vicinity of the hospital room snapped him back to reality. "You guys, out! Now!" Kindaichi grabbed one of Kageyama and Hinata's arms, knowing he had made the right choice when Daichi had made eye contact and nodded at him with a look that pained him.

"Hey, Kindaichi! What's happening to Sugawara-san?!" Kageyama hissed through gritted teeth, confusion and fear apparent in his voice. Hinata clung to his arm with a terrified expression. "Is he going to be alright?" Kageyama rasied his voice at Kindaichi in desperation, his lip quivering as he bit it.

Kindaichi exhaled sharply, realising that if anyone had to take control, it would be him. "Listen, I can't make any promises, Kageyama. We just have to trust Daichi, since he's the one who knows Sugawara the best." His hand was still gripping Kageyama's arm. Tears welled up in Hinata's eyes, trickling down his paled cheeks. Kageyama was holding back his own, though Kindaichi could see his eyes glistening with pain.

"What if Suga-san doesn't make it?" Hinata whispered hoarsely, dreading the answer that Kindaichi might give. He looked even smaller than he usually was, drowned in the sea of "What if"s that he had conjured up. Kindaichi wanted to hold both of them and tell them that it was all right, but he couldn't. As much as he wanted to, he knew better than to give them a half-hearted reassurance.

Kageyama and Hinata were ushered out of the building promptly, although they were not eager to comply until Kindaichi had gotten the news that Sugawara's condition had stabilised. Kindaichi's relief was short-lived, however, when he found Daichi pacing about in the hallway with an expression that seemed like he was about to burst into tears.

"Daichi-san," Kindaichi approached him, trying his best to ignore the guilt that gripped his chest as soon as he realised how utterly broken Daichi was. He had to have put up a brave front in front of Sugawara, but he wasn't with him now. Kindaichi suddenly felt as if he were intruding on something that was none of his business. He was the outsider among everyone else, who seemed to be extremely close to each other. However, he also couldn't bear to leave him alone at a time like this.

Daichi lifted his head to meet Kindaichi's concerned gaze. "Kindaichi," he muttered to acknowledge him, then stared at the floor again. "I'm sorry. I should get back to work," he blinked back tears, and Kindaichi felt horrible. He hadn't intended to make Daichi apologise at a time like this. This was one of the reasons Kindaichi had never aspired to become a psychologist. He was terrible at handling emotions, whether it were his own or someone else's.

Kindaichi opened his mouth to speak, but Daichi had formed his words first. "I should have known," his words were saturated with regret, but Kindaichi couldn't pick up traces of bitterness from them. He could only feel sadness radiating from the man in front of him, whose face still held the strong vibe that he always had within him. "This isn't the first time Suga was sick like this, but I never figured it would happen again, not after three years." Kindaichi wasn't sure he wanted to hear more, because the tone of Daichi's voice was suddenly making him feel choked up with something in his chest.

"I.. see." Kindaichi gave a small nod, feeling annoyed with himself for not being able to make Daichi feel any better. He knew what not to say, but the right words never seemed to come out of his mouth in time. He had been told by enough people that he wasn't the best when it came to emotional support. However, he refused to believe that he was unable to provide help. "Daichi-san, I'll take care of all your duties that I can manage, so please go and spend time with Sugawara-san." He suggested, hoping that Daichi's schedule wasn't packed.

Daichi stared at him in disbelief. "Are you sure?" He didn't sound convinced, but his expression softened when Kindaichi gave him a firm nod. "Thank you," he pulled a slip of paper out from one of his pockets, giving Kindaichi a brief run-through of what he could help with. "Thank you so much, Kindaichi." Daichi smiled at him before disappearing into a room, leaving Kindaichi alone with his thoughts catching up to him.

"I cannot believe I actually finished.." Kindaichi had spent the last two hours filling in paperwork for the patients that were staying overnight, doing hygiene checks on the medical equipment and a lot of other small errands that he didn't bother counting. The fact that he knew he was helping Daichi made him feel better, but the amount of work that he had plunged himself into almost made him want to pull his hair out.

When he slid the door open to his home, everything seemed bare for a split second. There was a futon in the corner of the room, with a slight bulge to indicate that there was someone under the covers. Kindaichi knelt down on the ground beside the mattress to see who was inside, when a patch of dark hair showing caught his eye.

"Kageyama, are you awake?" Kindaichi asked upon finding out who the other person in the room was. Kageyama responded by turning over so that he could see him. The covers were pulled up right below his eyes, which avoided Kindaichi's concerned stare. Kageyama seemed so different to when Kindaichi had discovered him snoring that morning, and it left him speechless. "Do you feel like talking? It's just the two of us here," Kindaichi hoped that Kageyama had either forgotten or forgiven him for what he had done to him earlier.

"Kindaichi, is Sugawara-san all right now? What happened?" Kageyama stared up at him with red, swollen eyes. He had tear streaks on his cheeks to indicate that he had been crying alone. He lifted himself up into a sitting position, rubbing his eyes with his palms. "Yamaguchi met Hinata outside the hospital and they've gone to tell the others. I didn't go with them," He explained, hugging his knees and resting his chin onto them.

Kindaichi felt a stab of pain in his chest as soon as he found out how Kageyama had nobody there for him until now. "Sugawara-san is in Daichi-san's care now," He informed him, making an effort to make his tone softer. "I haven't gotten the full details yet, but I'll fill you in as soon as I do," he attempted to be reassuring, but it sounded like he was talking to him as a doctor, not as a person. Kindaichi hadn't felt this conflicted because of his job before.

"It could have been anyone. Anyone besides him," Kageyama squeezed out his words bitterly, drawing in a sharp breath. "I just can't believe that actually happened," he moved his hands about as he spoke, while Kindaichi nodded at him to show that he was listening. Kageyama seemed to be trying to get his point across, but the right words didn't come. Instead, warm tears were dripping down his face, while his teeth clenched tightly.

Kindaichi placed a hand over Kageyama's, not being able to sit and watch him break on the spot. "It's all right, let everything out. You'll feel better," He felt Kageyama take his hand and squeeze it, as if he were trying to suck the warmth out of it. Kindaichi wasn't able to put his arms around him sympathetically and whisper to him comfortingly, simply because he couldn't imagine himself doing it without it ending up terribly awkward. He didn't even hug his own family, so there was no way he could do it with Kageyama, he told himself. However, the more he thought, he felt as if he were making up excuses.

Kageyama didn't make any noise or eye contact, and if it weren't for his occasional sniffles Kindaichi wouldn't even have noticed that he was crying. "Thanks, Kindaichi." Kageyama nodded awkwardly at him before letting go of Kindaichi's hand. No sooner than he had dried his eyes, Hinata slipped inside the room with his clothes covered in mud and his face speckled with soil.

"Kageyama, Kindaichi, sorry for the lateness." Hinata bowed his head. His jacket slipped off his shoulders and onto the tatami mat, while Kageyama retreated back into his futon. "Also, I was running in the flower shop and I fell face first into one of the empty plant pots, in case you were wondering." He explained, while Kindaichi pulled out the other two futons from the closet.

"You should go take a bath to freshen up. I'll make your bed," Kindaichi offered, and Hinata gave a nod of thanks as he bolted out of the room, so that he could reach the public baths before they closed. "Well, I guess we can rest up now. It's been a long day," Kindaichi felt like his limbs were going to melt off by the time he had laid out the mattresses neatly. He lay down beside Kageyama, who was still awake underneath the covers. Just as he was about to close his eyes and submit himself to sleep, he saw Kageyama glance at his eyes and smile for a split second. Kindaichi found himself grinning with his back to Kageyama, feeling that his efforts to cheer him up had worked just a little bit. The fact that he was the only one who had seen that one smile made a bubble of pride rise in his chest.

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hsbxnj I finished it before falling asleep!! Yahoo!


	4. Hope, Gone with the Seasons

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sugawara only had the pain in his chest from every time he took a breath to remind him that he was still in his usual world, and not in an oddly realistic dream sequence. The fact that his body was useless to the point where even taking in air and having his heart keep pumping blood was a chore made him want to almost give up completely. The same emotions from three years that he had never expected to resurface were there again, reminding him of the time that he had been allowed out of the hospital, for what should have been the rest of his life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HOORAY I'M UPDATING MORE THAN ONCE IN 30 DAYS! I'm sorry for the lack of some characters in this chapter, but I promise I'll have a crap ton of character interaction next chapter to make up for it.

**12th of July, 8:25AM, Monday**

  
The morning light shining in between the oak leaves brightened up the room, and Sugawara woke up to the moment of tranquility that stretched out around him. It was as if he was stuck in time. The sky was almost as white as snow, and the movements of the clouds couldn't be seen from his window. No wind blew across the leaves and made them sway lightly. 

Sugawara only had the pain in his chest from every time he took a breath to remind him that he was still in his usual world, and not in an oddly realistic dream sequence. The fact that his body was useless to the point where even taking in air and having his heart keep pumping blood was a chore made him want to almost give up completely. The same emotions from three years that he had never expected to resurface were there again, reminding him of the time that he had been allowed out of the hospital, for what should have been the rest of his life. 

"Suga, how are you doing today?" Daichi had entered his room while he had been lost in the past. He lifted Sugawara up, ignoring his plea to stay away from him so that he wouldn't catch the disease too. Sugawara didn't know how to answer. He couldn't have been more unsure about himself, and he was bitter. He hated being out of control, unable to lead his life without somebody there by his side. Daichi's smile looked forced to him; forced because of him. Sugawara sometimes wondered how happy Daichi would be if he had disappeared without a trace into the nature around him, erasing his existence into thin air. 

"I'm doing fine," Sugawara turned his head to the side, feeling a little indignant for no reason. It had been a week since he had relapsed into the same state as three years ago; well, it wasn't the exact same. Three years ago, he had hope, something to hold onto. Daichi had spent all his life savings and quit college with him to move to Kanae Island, since it was evident that nobody in his hometown wanted to have anything to do with them. 

Sugawara had managed to get a career by writing novels, which provided him with enough money to live a comfortable life in the island. The memory of the day he had been let out of the hospital never faded. It was the day that he had gotten all he had wished for. He had expected his good days to stretch on for years, letting him lead a life with Daichi, being able to take the burden off his back. He hadn't suspected that his "bad cold" was the sign that his normal life would, once again, be over. 

"Suga, I'm sorry." Daichi sighed, his smile wiped off his face. There he goes again, Sugawara thought. He was sick of Daichi blaming himself when he had no reason to. He was sick of being in his own useless body. "You hungry or something?" Daichi asked, and Sugawara shrugged. No matter what answer he gave, Daichi would give him three meals a day, every day. 

"Daichi," Sugawara reached out to grab Daichi's sleeve, pulling his face close to his own. "I don't have long left, do I?" Daichi avoiding his gaze was all the confirmation that he needed; Sugawara stared at Daichi with an almost cynical look. He would most likely never finish writing his novel by the looks of it, and he would never be able to hug Daichi without risking giving him a deadly disease. Sugawara was always the most optimistic person in the room from his student years, but even he couldn't think of something to look forward to.

"I'm so- Suga, look, I.."

"It's fine," Sugawara cut him off immediately. Daichi clenched his teeth, his face contorted in frustration. He paced up and down the tiled floor a few feet away from the bed. Sugawara rested his head back onto the pillow, mimicking Daichi's smile from earlier. "I love you, Daichi." He whispered as Daichi made his way towards the door upon checking the clock. "I love you to death," Sugawara snorted at his own joke, that nobody but himself heard.

The doctor that had come to check up on him arrived a few minutes after Daichi left. Sugawara immediately noticed that he was the one who allowed visitors so long as he wasn't in critical condition. The guests had to wear masks that made them look absolutely ridiculous, and were required to stay away from Sugawara, but he didn't mind. Any form of communication with his friends was a blessing.  
  
"The usual pair came here asking for you," He informed, referring to Hinata and Kageyama. Sugawara had almost forgotten that he hadn't talked to them since he had scared the living hell out of them by coughing up blood out of nowhere. The guilt he had forgotten about pooled in his chest once he realised that he had probably left them worrying. "Should I Iet them in?" Sugawara nodded at his suggestion.

Kageyama and Hinata walked into his room with stiff expressions, not saying a word despite the fact that they looked as if they had a thousand questions in mind. "Hey, guys! How are you?" Sugawara grinned at them, pressing his hand against the headboard to try and push himself into a sitting position. Upon discovering that it wasn't working out, he relied on his doctor for some help.

"I'm fine, Suga-san!" Hinata chirped, glancing at Kageyama to press him for an answer as well. Just as Kageyama opened his mouth, Kindaichi bolted into the room, completely out of breath and bent down with his hands on his knees. "How are you doing?" Hinata asked, ignoring the exhausted man beside him.

"You guys, I told you to wait for me! And don't run in the hospital! I'm the one that receives the complaints, you know!" Kindaichi lectured Hinata and Kageyama briefly before nodding at Sugawara politely. His expression had turned strict and tense once he had finished muttering to Hinata and Kageyama. "Sorry for the commotion, Sugawara-san." He shook his head, apologising.

Sugawara laughed everyone off, glad to have a part of his life back with him again. "Come on, Kindaichi, loosen up! You're our friend now!" He crossed his arms, as Kindaichi returned a shaky nod. He still seemed to be stiff, his mouth moving nervously as he chewed his lip. "I'm holding up all right, Hinata." Sugawara beamed, ignoring the stab of pain erupting in his chest. "How's Cake Boss?" He joked, and Kageyama made a weird "Gweh" noise.

"I haven't been sleeping a lot lately, but other than that, I'm fine." Kageyama shrugged, rubbing the side of his head with his palm. It was hard to tell from where Sugawara was, but Kageyama had dark rings under his eyes in contrast to his pale cheeks. "It's been a busy week," he explained. Sugawara noticed Kindaichi give Kageyama a sceptical look, but that alone didn't confirm anything.

"Make sure you get yourself back on track, Kageyama." Kindaichi reminded the confectioner before Sugawara could. It was relieving for Sugawara to know that there was somebody keep the irresponsible duo in line, even if the person entrusted with the job found himself sighing out of exasperation every day.

"Hey, Kindaichi, just a moment." Just as Hinata, Kageyama and Kindaichi began to leave due to their visiting time running out, Sugawara called Kindaichi over just as he stood up. "You free for a few minutes? I, uh, completely understand if you're busy." He  
waited for Kindaichi's answer, which became apparent after the doctor walked over, closer to Sugawara.

Kindaichi started to fiddle with his hands tied around his back, waiting for Sugawara to say whatever he needed to. There was no implication to state that Kindaichi was going to start a conversation anytime soon, so Sugawara took it upon himself to save them both from the ensuing awkwardness. "I never told you about the rest of the story, did I?" He stated.

Kindaichi didn't need to be reminded what story Sugawara was talking about. He nodded, prepared to listen to the rest of the tale about the Gods. "I've heard up until the Earth God's sons were mentioned," he recalled, and that was all the information Sugawara needed to continue.

"Well, the River God's son- I'm just going to call him Tarou because if I think about it, I'll be keeping you here all day. You know, struggles of a writer," Sugawara shrugged. "And the second son of the Rock God, who is named Jirou for convenience, again- they became friends with each other due to the lack of other child Gods to play with. Everyone just kind of let the kid Gods be kid Gods, but one particular decade, the Earth God had a mishap, causing the soil on the land of an island, near where he resided, to become infertile. It was too late for him to undo his mistake, and the whole mistake he made just became a recipe for famine."

Sugawara paused briefly to let Kindaichi take in the information without getting too confused at the sudden plot twist. "Of course, with Gods being Gods, they absolutely had no choice but to try and make things better. But in order to do that, they needed to sacrifice the being of a young offspring coming from an element God to neutralise the damage caused. The only offspring of those Gods that could be classified as young were Tarou and Jirou. With Tarou being the mystical wish-granting kid, it was pretty apparent who had to go."

Kindaichi's eyes widened as he listened to the story. Sugawara hadn't seen the young man look so human as this before; he always seemed to act like a mechanical doll, with a feelings-come-below-second attitude. He honestly hadn't expected him to display this much interest, since it was just some legend to him, after all. "Tarou picked up on the situation and, to put it nicely, went absolutely livid. He decided that no friend of his was going to be sacrificed, at all. And he made that very, very clear by escaping into the human world with Jirou. He made a barrier sealing the border between the human world and the world of the Gods, a barrier so strong that try as the other Gods might, they couldn't break the barrier. Obviously, Tarou had a hard time keeping up his work. He lost most of his powers the moment he created the barrier. Due to that, he was in constant pain and his life was getting sapped away."

"And.. did Tarou die?" Kindaichi asked, almost fearfully. Instant relief showed on his face once Sugawara shook his head, smiling at his reactions. Sugawara himself hadn't had this much fun telling people his stories in a while; although he never wanted his passion for storytelling turning into a chore, it was hard not to think of it as tedious sometimes when he had deadlines to fulfill and an audience to consider every time he took up the pen and wrote a sentence.

"No. At least, not what I've heard from. I'd have to ask my relatives to confirm, but I'm pretty sure the two are still alive and kicking. You know how this Island is called Kanae Island? You'll know once you read the kanji for it," Sugawara attempted to take a slip of paper from the bedside table, but a series of chesty coughs stopped him. As Kindaichi patted his back and reached for the paper on the table beside him, Sugawara shook his head to tell him that he didn't have to.

"It's fine. It was just for doing some dramatic showing off, anyway." He rasped out, a small laugh escaping his lips. "Besides, I know you already know how it's written. The kanji for Kanae means 'for a wish to come true', and the tale goes that it was given its name by Jirou, who wanted something to remind him of his best friend even after he disappeared." Sugawara concluded the tale, only to realise that Kindaichi's cheeks were wet with tears. "Hey, you okay? You hurting somewhere?" It was painfully ironic for Sugawara to be saying that, but he couldn't possibly think that Kindaichi had been so moved by the story that he was shedding tears.

Kindaichi lifted his head, confusion written all over his face. He hadn't seemed to realise that he was crying until he placed his hand on his cheek, looking more than a little ashamed. "I- no, this isn't, I mean, I'm not normally like this," Kindaichi explained hastily, wiping his bleary eyes. He sighed deeply, his eyes dried and head dropped. "It's just that the Earth God's son didn't deserve any of that treatment. His family thinks it's okay to sacrifice him because he's not good enough, and his only friend's dying because of him. I mean, how sad is that?

Kindaichi let out a shaky laugh, but Sugawara could tell that something had probably hit too close to home. Other than that, he had also come to realise that Kindaichi was horrible at communicating with people emotionally, or being emotional at all. It was none of his business, though, so he decided not to press any further. "I, umm.. I have to leave now," Kindaichi muttered, his discomfort apparent. No matter what Sugawara would say to him, it was obvious that he was going to make a hasty exit.

"It was nice talking to you. It's always nice to have conversations with people here, you know? It really takes your mind off your worries," Sugawara saw the young male back away slowly as he nodded and muttered something that was too quiet for Sugawara to catch. "See you around, Kindaichi." The door closed as Kindaichi left the room, and his footsteps echoed in the hallway for a few minutes before they were cancelled out by hospital staff discussing matters that Sugawara would never know if they concerned him or not.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Stay tuned for chapter 5, featuring more backstory reveals and drama(probably)!


	5. Talk of the Past

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kindaichi was a perfectionist. When he had a task to accomplish, nobody expected any failures. Even Kindaichi himself didn't doubt his abilities, although he had come to realise that he was far from a genius. It didn't matter; so long he had a good grade to show his parents, he had worth, something he could to hold onto and wrap himself up in. If he studied hard, his efforts would be rewarded. His parents had enrolled him into afterschool classes along with his brother, which he didn't mind. In his household, study came first. 
> 
> A chapter in which Kindaichi is reminded of his school days and has a terrible, no good, very bad day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys, please enjoy my newest chapter which I completed late at night as per usual.

**13th of July, 3:45AM, Thursday**  
Kindaichi lay awake on the soft, patterned futon. Sweat clung to his body as he breathed into his pillow, feeling like molten rock was coursing through his veins. His heart was beating in his head from what he had gathered, no matter how medically inaccurate it seemed. As he squeezed his eyes shut in an effort to get the pounding in his temple to stop, the images from his dream came to life. He had been dreaming of his home in Miyagi, his days as a student. His room, with textbooks and graded tests stacked up on his study desk.

Kindaichi was a perfectionist. When he had a task to accomplish, nobody expected any failures. Even Kindaichi himself didn't doubt his abilities, although he had come to realise that he was far from a genius. It didn't matter; so long he had a good grade to show his parents, he had worth, something he could to hold onto and wrap himself up in. If he studied hard, his efforts would be rewarded. His parents had enrolled him into afterschool classes along with his brother, which he didn't mind. In his household, study came first.

Upon closing his eyes, Kindaichi once again felt a haze engulf him. Slipping into another memory of the past, he remembered the conversations his family had exchanged on that one night when his older brother, who was a straight-A student, dropped from higher level classes. The air of disappointment at the dinner table was something he would never forget; his mother and father lecturing his older brother about how he had failed to be a good example for Yuutarou, and how he had let his family down by neglecting his studies.

"Yuutarou, we're counting on you to keep on top of your studies," Kindaichi's mother ruffled his hair, bending down to his eye level. His middle school self had nodded confidently at her, assuring her that he was going to work even harder to bring home results that would make everyone proud. Yet, at the same time, he felt like the air was growing thinner every time his grades were mentioned. Of course, when his brother came into his room telling him not to end up like him, he couldn't help but to promise him that he would make him proud.

Kindaichi's school life had changed when he entered high school, when he had managed to get a few friends that didn't judge him for his copious amounts of study he did every day. "It's good you care about your future, Kindaichi, but you really have to let yourself breathe a little. A percentage doesn't define anyone," they told him over and over, although he never gave it much thought. If percentages didn't define him, what was he going to use as evidence that he deserved to go to college? If he had to sacrifice his sleep and free time for a piece of paper that validated him, so be it.

During his second year of high school, his grades started to slip. It hadn't started all of a sudden; he had only started to occasionally stroll around with his friends instead of going straight home to finish up his homework. A part of him had always wanted to have a taste of the school life that his friends had. He didn't let it interfere with his normal life, but the workload he received kept increasing and sometimes he would come home feeling overwhelmed with facts that he needed to be able to regurgitate off by heart.

Kindaichi strived to be a doctor ever since he had heard from his parents how fulfilling and rewarding it was to be one. His preteen self had asked for a medical handbook on one of his birthdays, which he would flick through enthusiastically for hours on end. When all of his classmates' mothers gathered around to chat, it was his mother that had the son who would read Mori Ougai instead of picture books, the son who would have a successful future. He hadn't doubted his dream career at all. It was what he wanted, and it was his decision.

However, his friends seemed to all have a twinkle in their eye when they talked about their dreams to become a shop owner, an artist, and other jobs that Kindaichi never knew existed. "Is it not risky to aim for that sort of career? You never know when your business might go wrong," he had asked everyone, but all he was met with was a laugh. "It's my future, and I want to try things out before I regret it and have a mid-life crisis!" One particular boy had said to him cheerfully.

For the next few weeks, Kindaichi often found himself lost in thought. He firmly told himself over and over that he wanted to be a doctor, he absolutely did. Another question popped itself up, however. Did he truly want to study in the medical field, or did he want to because he had to? He had never given any other career thought. He couldn't imagine himself working with animals, plants, or with a paintbrush in his hand. If he all he had done was draw in his spare time as a child, would he have pursued an artistic career?

Every time such thoughts crossed his head, Kindaichi felt immense shame pooling in his chest. It was almost a reflex that closed up the walls around his tight little personal zone, shutting out any foreign ideas that tried to slip inside. Studying suddenly didn't appeal to him, much to his horror. He held on desperately to his hopes as a child, to be successful and make his family proud, have his life together; but did he really want all of that? Yes, he convinced himself. Yes. What else could he possibly want?

Kindaichi spent much of his time after school cooped up inside his room, textbooks with bookmarks and notes in the empty white spaces. He cast aside the doubts that began to appear, like little speckles of darkness that dug into his chest. Words of encouragement from his family and teachers suddenly didn't make him feel determined. He forced himself to keep his hand gripping his fountain pen moving. He had spent many nights sleeping with his head on the desk.

During the winter, a series of tests came up for teachers to mark everyone's progress. Kindaichi knew the smaller tests would be a breeze. He could recite the all theorems and important dates backwards at this stage. He went to sleep the night before the tests calm and collected. However, waking up horribly congested had disrupted his plans for the day. His joints screamed at him to get back into his futon with every movement he made, and his brain felt like it had gotten fried like the eggs that he ate for breakfast.

"What happened to you, Kindaichi? You look absolutely horrible," Yamada commented as he and Kindaichi trudged through thick snow. It was cold enough to turn their breaths misty, and Kindaichi was sure that if he didn't blow his nose, he would have an icicle hanging from it soon.

"I feel horrible too," Kindaichi sniffled, tugging up the collars of his thick coat. A cold shiver ran its way up his neck, eliciting a shudder from him. His friend sighed, giving him a sympathetic pat on the back. "I can't afford to miss my tests. I.. really can't," Kindaichi swayed from side to side as he walked, letting out a few dry coughs into his collar. His breaths felt warmer than usual, bouncing back to him as it hit the fabric of his coat.

Yamada reached up to touch his sweaty forehead with a gloved hand. "Kindaichi, if you fell face first into the snow right there, I think it would all sizzle and turn to water." The suggestion had appealed to Kindaichi so much that he started to mutter how great that sounded. "Really, you should have stayed at home. It's not your fault if you miss a test because you're sick," Yamada's words were tangled in a blur.

Kindaichi felt like he was underwater as he filled in his tests. The knowledge he had crammed into his head were a jumbled mess, floating around all over the place and disappearing at random. His throat felt scraped raw as he coughed into his palm, all the while trying to control his running nose so that he wouldn't soil his test papers. No coats were allowed in classrooms; Kindaichi was left shivering violently through the day.

He didn't remember half of the things he wrote, or how he had managed to power through the day without passing out. He was constantly blowing his nose during lunch break, and yet he was still congested to the point where he had to breathe with his mouth only. He knew he had to eat something if he wanted energy, but he hadn't made himself his bento box that morning. Besides, he had no appetite. Food would have tasted like ashes.

The rest of the day seemed to be engulfed in a haze. Kindaichi couldn't remember anything that had happened in his last two classes. Had he fallen asleep with his head on the desk? No, he couldn't have, considering how sluggish he felt. He trudged home and collapsed into his house, too exhausted to form a complete sentence. "Don't need dinner tonight, not hungry," he rasped out, holding his violently throbbing head with one hand and pushing open the door to his room with the other.

His futon had remained laid out, since Kindaichi hadn't folded it and put it away in the morning. It was a blessing, he thought as he grabbed the covers and pulled them up to his flushed face. A breath of relief escaped him as he lost consciousness after pushing himself through the day with sheer willpower and stupidity. Regret and embarrassment he did not consider, the only idea in his mind being sleep, sleep, sleep.

By the time Kindaichi woke up again, the sun had risen above the horizon. As soon as he cracked his eyes open he regretted doing so. The light shining into his room caused the familiar ache in his head to come back, intensifying tenfold as he reluctantly lifted his head off the pillow. He leaned forwards and let out a chesty cough, which left a disgusting texture in his mouth. Every breath stabbed at his chest, and his sense of smell was rendered useless.

"I can't go school today," Kindaichi wheezed, attempting to tell his parents that he had come down with something horrible. "I feel awful," he pushed away his bowl of rice, squeezing his eyes shut to take a break from the brightness. He looked around for his brother, who would most likely speak for him, but he had already left for work. That seriously decreased the chances of him being able to stay at home.

"Yuutarou, today's not even that cold. Put your coat on and go, aren't you supposed to be getting your results today?" His mother spoke sharply, in a tone that told him that it wasn't up for discussion. It was either Kindaichi sucked everything up and went, or consequences that he preferred not to think about. More importantly, the test results had already been calculated, even though it had hardly been a day. He was surprised that he hadn't seen any teachers jump out a window.

By the time Kindaichi was in the freezing cold classroom, the anxiety that he had no time to think of had surfaced inside the pit of his stomach. He didn't expect a good result at all, considering that he had managed to forget everything that he had learned just because of a bad cold. If his grades dropped after he had worked so hard to keep his motivation levels high, then all of the things he had sacrificed would mean nothing. There wouldn't be anything to tell him that he was worth something.

"Kindaichi," once his teacher called his name, his heart almost jumped out of his throat. He wobbled over to the desk, bumping into his classmates and earning a few annoyed grumbles from them. Too preoccupied with calming his nerves to care, he sucked in a deep breath, which triggered something inside him and caused a coughing fit. He held a hand to his mouth and stared at his teacher with bleary eyes, noticing even in his blurred vision that he looked distinctly unhappy.

"I honestly expected better from you. What were you doing for the last four weeks? I told everyone to revise all the material, time and time again. If you don't step up your game soon, you will be moved to a different class," Kindaichi could feel the blood rush to his cheeks as he received a short lecture from his teacher. He had just barely even passed the tests, with his highest grade being five percent short of a fail. The room was spinning around him, the chatter of his classmates becoming distorted and incomprehensible.

What were his parents going to say?

Kindaichi didn't want to go home. He walked painfully slowly with a miserable look on his face, which attracted the attention of his classmates. Some were quick to make snarky comments about how he had it all coming to him, but his friends and even people he hardly talked to shooed them off after realising that Kindaichi looked like he was going to collapse into the snow. Kindaichi wished that he would, maybe hit his head on a rock and get amnesia, start his life anew.

"Kindaichi, I'm honestly so sorry. I know I've barely talked to you, and I once borrowed your pencil and never gave it back; sorry, again. But you've got to calm yourself down a little. I think you've taken about three breaths since we got outside." Kindaichi nodded as his classmate, who he assumed was Terada, spoke to him awkwardly. He placed an arm around Kindaichi in an attempt to console him, but recoiled away once he realised how burning hot and sweaty he was.

"Wow. I don't blame you for almost failing. It's amazing how you even managed to get something correct," Terada's words made Kindaichi feel a little soothed, but his frown remained on his face. His mind was buzzing with nothing but negative thoughts. He felt sick, both from worry and the headache. "Here, Kindaichi. You have to drink something, at least hydrate yourself. Anyone here got a drink?" Another concerned classmate pressed a flask into Kindaichi's hands, which the student gratefully accepted.

Kindaichi uncapped the flask and downed about a quarter of the liquid inside, tasting something slightly strong and sweet. His taste buds were clearly useless at this point, as well as his completely blocked nose. Quenching his thirst was his top priority at the moment, so he didn't care about the strange taste that was left inside his mouth. Mumbling a thanks to everyone surrounding him, Kindaichi placed a hand onto the wall and guided himself to his house's genkan.

"How did you do?" Kindaichi's anxiety came flaring back once he heard his parents speak to him. With great reluctance, he opened up his bag, grabbing his test papers with slippery, sweat-soaked hands. He didn't meet his parents' gaze, bracing himself for whatever punishment he was going to face. "Yuutarou, what's your explanation for these.." his mother struggled to find an adjective for his grades. Horrible, awful, appalling.. Kindaichi felt like the words described himself. His heart rate hitched, and he was forgetting how to breathe again.

His mother shook his head, while his father gave him a long, drawn-out sigh. "You're not studying enough. You can do way better than this, and yet you didn't put in the effort. We didn't raise you up to be like this! We've given you everything we've got, and this is how you repay us? These grades are a joke!" Kindaichi flinched as his father slammed his hand on the table. He wanted to go upstairs and squeeze himself under his futon, forever.

"I wasn't feeling well," Kindaichi muttered weakly, coughing into his fist. The pain in his chest made him want to cry, but he couldn't do that, not in front of his parents. "My head hurts, I can't breathe through my nose, and I couldn't concentrate during the test." He coughed up something that felt slimy inside his mouth, reaching up to wipe his sticky brow.

"That isn't an excuse for these grades! Are you not ashamed of yourself, failing us like that? We were counting on you to make us proud!" Kindaichi couldn't hear the rest of what his parents had shouted at him. He just kept nodding, deciding that he didn't want to hear it. He wanted to shut it all out, the yelling and the expectations. He had no meaning anymore. "Are you listening to me? Yuutarou, you smell strange.." His mother's face was inches away from his own, and a finger under his chin forced him to meet her gaze. "Have you been drinking!?"

Kindaichi shook his head quickly, not expecting the sudden accusation at all. He could admit that getting horrible grades was something he had expected to get yelled at about, but he had no recollection of ever touching alcohol. Unless.. No, it couldn't be. Come to think of it, the drink he had been offered had a distinctly strange taste to it, and he realised that it definitely wasn't water that he had drank. That explained why his head was pounding even worse.

"Don't lie to me! I know you've gotten drunk. Do you think I'm stupid?! Do you, Yuutarou?" Kindaichi's mother grabbed his shoulders, making him recoil away in fear. "I'm so disappointed in you! You've brought disgrace to this family!" Kindaichi's head was throbbing from the screaming that echoed inside his brain, and his whole body was screaming at him to run. "I wish I never-"

Kindaichi interrupted his mother mid-sentence, pushing her away in a moment of fear and rage. "Don't touch me," he let out a shaking breath, his lip quivering as he shivered. "I've had enough of all this!" There was so much more that he wanted to say and blurt out, but he had never tried to deliberately hurt his parents. He only had a few seconds before something terrible would happen. He made a beeline towards the door, stepping outside and bolting across the street without glancing back.

The only good thing about running out the door in a flurry of panic was that he still had his coat on, which would come in handy when he didn't want to freeze to death. Kindaichi's legs were wobbly as he almost slipped on the muddy snow on the path multiple times, his only support being the brick wall that he ran his hand along to keep track of how far he had ran.

Kindaichi's chest felt like it was going to explode with every breath he took, his abused lungs struggling to take in air. Tears clouded his vision as he pulled his collar up, attempting to stay warm as the freezing cold wind bit into him as he ran against it. His nose and ears were exposed and red from the temperature, tingling painfully as snow started to fall.

His stomach was suffering from his consumption of alcohol earlier. After he had gotten to an area with piled-up snow beside a small line-up of houses, he could tell that drinking the liquid that was offered to him was a very bad idea. He stopped once he reached the pile of snow to catch his breath, lifting his head up to check his surroundings. He could barely recognise where he had come. A shudder jarred him as he took harsh gasps to regulate his breathing.

Before he knew it, Kindaichi's stomach contracted unexpectedly but sharply, causing him to hunch over and vomit onto the ground. To his relief, there was nothing much in his stomach to throw up, considering that he had hardly eaten anything for the past couple of days with everything going on. He ignored his body pleading him to stop and rest, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand and spitting out the disgusting texture in his mouth before lifting himself up to continue his journey with an unclear destination.

Most of his stamina had gotten sapped by his stomach rebelling against him, and the constant dizziness that had accompanied him throughout the day had hit him full force. Kindaichi was forced to slow his pace down into a walking speed as he pressed on, taking regular stops to steady his breathing. He pressed on, as if something that would cure his problems awaited somewhere in the distance. However, a large pebble threw him off balance, causing him to fall at a rapidly accelerating speed towards the ground.

As he placed his arms out to break his fall, Kindaichi was awake again, on the futon while drenched with sweat. It took him a moment to register that he had been dreaming of his past again, which only meant one thing. He had come down with something. It was the same fever dream every time; the worst two days of his life up until he was about to hit the ground from collapsing.

He would have preferred anything else to dream about, anything but his past. He wanted to dream of something that he could wake up and sigh in relief, not something that reminded of his failures and left him feeling awful on top of whatever he was sick with. Kindaichi shivered under the covers, tears starting to prick at his eyes. That was another part of being sick he absolutely loathed; his mental state being in tatters sooner or later.

"Kindaichi, can you hear me?"

"Is he going to die?! Is it my fault?"

"Shut up and help me, Hinata. He's still alive, but.. shit. He's so hot,"

"Kageyama, do you know if you're meant to cool him or warm him up?"

Two familiar voices chattering and a cold hand pressed to his cheek forced Kindaichi to become painfully aware of where he was, and who he was with. "I hear you," his voice was raspy, barely a whisper. A sense of dread filled him, as soon as he had the knowledge that Hinata and Kageyama had seen him at his worst state.

An odd pain of homesickness erupted in his chest, which hurt him badly because he had no place he could call home, except for the place he had moved into about.. a week ago? Two weeks? Kindaichi's sense of time was completely distorted, a muddled mess of numbers and clocks spinning around and around in his head.

"I'm sorry, you guys should really get ready for work." Kindaichi muttered. He was met with a sigh from Hinata and Kageyama, which he would have been offended by if it weren't for the fact that if hurt to even think of anything, at this point. He shut his eyes tightly, his senses becoming sensitive to all of the outside stimuli.

"We're not leaving you to die here," Kageyama stated, matter-of-factly. Kindaichi didn't appreciate him killing him off when he was very much alive, but he didn't want Kageyama missing work because of him. Kindaichi was a grown man; he could definitely take care of himself when he needed to. "I'll just take a day off. It's not a big deal, Kindaichi. If you're sick, you need someone beside you."

Kindaichi groaned in response, not bothering to form another sentence. He thought might as well appreciate Kageyama and Hinata's presence while he rested for the day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Constructive criticism is always appreciated, and comments make me cry with joy. *jazz hands* have a good day guys!


	6. Running Water

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kindaichi isn't alone this time. He has Kageyama and Hinata by his side, but he doesn't know how to handle being taken care of. Meanwhile, Sugawara has a mystical encounter. 
> 
> "Oh, wow," Kageyama removed the thermometer from Kindaichi's mouth, who groaned in response. "You probably already know this, but you're burning up." A rough, large hand swept Kindaichi's fringe up, and the sick male flinched away from the touch. He felt vulnerable, knowing that he looked and felt absolutely disgusting.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yo what's up guys, I'm not dead. This story's plot is finally starting to piece together =v= also some more Kageyama and Kindaichi interaction! Yay! I hope you enjoy my self-indulgent piece of writing, yet again.

**Later that day, 8:30AM**  
"Oh, wow," Kageyama removed the thermometer from Kindaichi's mouth, who groaned in response. "You probably already know this, but you're burning up." A rough, large hand swept Kindaichi's fringe up, and the sick male flinched away from the touch. He felt vulnerable, knowing that he looked and felt absolutely disgusting.

His chest felt heavy, the back of his throat tasted awful, and he couldn't stop shivering, even under the thick extra covers that had been draped around him.

A cold cloth saturated with water was dropped onto Kindaichi's forehead. Water trickled down between his eyes, but the cold sensation was pleasant. He tried to reach up to his face and wipe the droplets of water away, but his body didn't cooperate with him. His joints throbbed uncomfortably, forcing him to lay down helplessly.

"Do you want anything, dammit?" Kageyama muttered beside his ear, causing Kindaichi to snort a little. The part of his brain that was still functioning made him imagine how bad of a nurse Kageyama would be. Not only would he scare everyone off, Kindaichi couldn't picture him in a hospital environment with spotless clothes.

"The sweet release of death would be absolutely amazing," Kindaichi muttered. He almost meant it, embarrassment catching up to him. "Water would be nice," he added, so that Kageyama wouldn't have to think about his previous response. He wasn't sure if water would help his condition, but it would definitely feel great against his burning throat.

Kageyama didn't say anything, but footsteps becoming further away from him told Kindaichi that he was on his own in the bedroom now. The warmth of another person was gone, and everything seemed to cold all of a sudden. Pathetic, Kindaichi thought. He was already missing comfort so badly that he wanted the most annoying duo on the island to stay by his side. Looking around as far as his position on the futon let him, he became aware of his own ragged breathing.

He didn't want to close his eyes and return to his recurring nightmare, but the light in his room was blinding. It sent a jolt of pain across his head, which numbed quickly thanks to the cloth on his head. He wouldn't go to sleep, he told himself firmly.

"You asleep? I brought the water you asked for," Kageyama's voice forced Kindaichi to be alert again. Using all the strength he could manage, Kindaichi pushed himself up into a sitting position with the help of his pillow. He returned a shaky thanks to Kageyama, taking the wooden cup full of water from him and pressing it against his cheek. It felt heavenly.

Kindaichi tilted the cup towards his mouth to take a well-deserved sip of the water. He was drenched uncomfortably in his own sweat, which had made him realise that he was in dire need of fluids. Drinking the water was easier said than done, though. No sooner than he had taken in about three mouthfuls of water, he choked on a mouthful and started to cough violently, sending some water down his chest as he tried to prevent a mess from happening and desperately failed.

Tears stung Kindaichi's eyes as he breathed sharply, not wanting to draw attention to himself more than he had done already. Admittedly, there weren't many people in the room to pay attention to him. "Hey, don't- don't cry. You're okay," Kageyama gave him rough pats on the back, which weren't that comfortable but helped nonetheless.

"Wasn't crying," Kindaichi rasped, drying his hand on his sleeve. Even if it hurt to talk, he had to clear that up. Kageyama gave him a look of disbelief and placed a hand on his front, where Kindaichi had spilled water all down himself. Kindaichi held back a flinch, turning away from the awkward eye contact.

Kageyama turned away from Kindaichi, making his way to his own futon and grabbing his spare clothes. "You're absolutely soaked. Wear this, or something." He muttered, tossing the comfortable clothes over to Kindaichi. It was humiliating, but Kindaichi knew that he had no choice if he wanted to scoop his sorry ass out of his situation.

With an exhausted huff, Kindaichi pulled Kageyama's clothes over to himself. "Look away," he ordered, and Kageyama obliged wordlessly. He shivered as his damp skin became exposed to the cold. He hastily put the dry clothes on, tying the obi around his waist sloppily after a few failed attempts.

It was harder to care about the fact that he was wearing Kageyama's clothes when he was finally relishing the comfort it brought him. A familiar smell was around him, and he realised that it was Kageyama's scent. As soon as he realised, he suddenly felt self-conscious, burying himself deep into the covers.

"Kindaichi, can I look now?" Kageyama asked. Kindaichi had never told him that he could turn back around, thinking that he would turn around eventually on his own. For some reason, the embarrassment inside him disappeared, and he popped his head out. He saw the back of Kageyama's head, who didn't seem so rough anymore.

Kindaichi's lips formed a grin, until an unexpected coughing fit caught him off guard, forcing him to take a few minutes to regain control. Before he could tell Kageyama that he could look, the shorter male was by his side, holding the cup of water and rubbing circles on his back. A sense of shame hit him once he realised that Kageyama wasn't actually that bad of a caretaker, despite how he acted on a daily basis.

"Hey, I made some food!" Hinata came from the kitchen into the bedroom, carrying a tray with bowls of rice and boiled vegetables on it for three people. He knelt down on the tatami mat, setting down the wooden tray beside him. "You think you can eat, Kindaichi?" He placed a bowl of rice and chopsticks onto Kindaichi's lap.

The smell of food didn't tease Kindaichi's appetite, but his stomach felt okay enough for him to eat. "Yeah, thanks." He placed a small amount of the rice into his mouth, and immediately noticed how soft it was. It was surprisingly easy to eat, and Kindaichi had managed to empty the bowl after a few minutes.

Eating had made Kindaichi sleepy. He placed the empty bowls and plates on the floor, knowing that he would break them if he tried to walk with them. "I'm going to lie down now, sorry for the trouble." He muttered apologetically, sinking back into the covers that seemed more comfortable against his flushed skin. He was meant to be the one who had his life together, and yet he had forced both his roommates to stay with him, all because of a simple cold. He doubted he would have done the same, as much as he hated to admit.

"Get plenty of rest! I'll take the plates and other stuff away, so you stay with Kindaichi, Kageyama!"

"Hinata, I'll do it!"

"What if Kindaichi, like, has a nosebleed or something?"

Kindaichi couldn't keep up with Hinata and Kageyama's conversation, and stopped making an effort to do so rather quickly. Thinking about too many possibilities didn't appeal to his worn-out brain. Footsteps growing fainter and the clatter of bowls in the distance were the only sounds entering his ear.

Kageyama wasn't a loud person at all when he wasn't with Hinata. If Kindaichi had closed his eyes completely, he would have suspected that he had fallen asleep on the spot or had teleported away. Kindaichi realised upon wondering what Kageyama would be like without Hinata, that no matter how many arguments the immature duo had, they would definitely count on each other in times of need.

Strangely enough, that realisation made Kindaichi feel somewhat lonely. He normally wouldn't have cared. He had come to the island to work, not to connect with other people and get emotionally exhausted. But when he was sick and half delirious from fever, it was a different story altogether. A stray teardrop escaped his eye, sliding down his cheek and drying there.

\-------------

Sugawara was alone in his room, which he had grown accustomed to long ago. It hadn't been like that a few months ago, though. He had gotten used to life on the island in a few years, which had been easy considering that Daichi had been there for him. Now, however, he was spending less and less time with his boyfriend.

It was no surprise. After all, Daichi was a doctor, and doctors weren't supposed to let their emotions get in their way of their work. Sugawara didn't believe that, at all. He had seen the way doctors would cry in the hallway after delivering undesirable news, and how being unable to save a patient destroyed them for days, even weeks or months. He had seen doctors quit their professions due to the emotional burden.

He also knew how Daichi was avoiding talking about treatment plans.

Sugawara seemed to always know just a little too much for his own good. It wasn't entirely a curse for him. He had been able to know what he needed to say in order to make somebody feel happy, motivated or cheerful. It kept him in touch with people's emotions. However, he also knew if the news was bad or good depending on the tone of a voice. He knew when doctors had thrown in the towel trying to treat his disease.

He felt numb, knowing that he would soon disappear without a trace from the world. His parents would die too, eventually. With nobody to pass down the Sugawara name, his family would be forgotten, never a part of any important history. A countdown seemed to be constantly going on, reminding him that the end had been slammed in front of his face. It wouldn't matter, he told himself. He was already detached from reality, nothing could make him flinch. But the truth was, he didn't want to die. He was terrified of the void, inching closer to him.

"Knock-knock, let me in?"

A male voice came from beside him, outside the window. It wasn't Daichi, that was for sure. Turning his head, Sugawara saw a young man standing barefoot on the grass, wearing an exquisite, dark blue hakama with vertical stripes. The man with chestnut hair and darker brown eyes stared at him with a look that seemed to convey how he was feeling on the inside; bitter and fearful yet passionate.

Sugawara was mesmerised by him. He was beautiful, in a different way from Daichi. Something about him seemed to make every person stop and stare. It wasn't only his facial features; it seemed as if he could look into the souls of living creatures.

"Come on in," Sugawara invited him in, and the mystical male grinned. He stepped through the wall with ease, which confirmed Sugawara's thoughts that told him that there was no way that the young male was human, even if he presented himself as one.

Up close, the man seemed to give off a faint glow of magical energy. He sat himself down on the edge of Sugawara's bed, not seeming to care that he was with a hospital patient. He stared at the grey-haired writer with interest, swinging his legs in little motions.

"Not surprised by my entrance?"

"I knew you weren't a person the moment I laid my eyes upon you," Sugawara replied, not bothering to hide his amusement. "What should I call you, if you're not a figment of my imagination?"

The young male straightened up where he sat, a more childlike expression on his face. "Call me O Great God!" He placed a hand on his chest, announcing his preferred form of address with great confidence.

Sugawara snorted at the attitude of the man who called himself a god. "What makes you so great, may I ask?" He queried, his amazement replaced with humour. "Are you going to get rid of this awful sickness I have?"

"Well, I'm powerful. Very, very powerful." The male started. A glint in his eye indicated that he wasn't joking anymore, making Sugawara swallow in anticipation. "In fact, I'm even more powerful than my father, and everyone else combined. I can do this, watch!"

When the man cupped his hands together, a bubble of water formed in his palms, reflecting the soft light and shining all the different colours of the rainbow. The bubbles kept on forming, as if the man had taken a magical bar of soap and lathered it up. Within a few moments, the bubbles had taken a liquid form, dancing in the male's smooth palms and forming patterns.

As he manipulated the water that he had created from thin air with ease, he let a thin stream shoot up straight to the ceiling, stopping just as it was about to collide. The water flew in all directions, disappearing into thin air before it could hit the floor. His hands were dry even after he had handled the water. He smiled, satisfied with his act. "Amazed yet?" He asked, proud.

"Very," Sugawara stared around the room, looking for the droplets of water that had been dancing in the air a moment ago. A soft gasp came from him as his eyes widened. "Are you the River God?"

"Yup! Call me that, if you want. After all, I'm the only River God here on earth. It's not like the others can get to me anytime soon." The River God's face lightened up, but a slight look of pain crossed his face at the same time. "You know my story, don't you?" He whispered, creating a small amount of water in his hand and swirling it around as he let out a short laugh.

Sugawara listened attentively to every word the God said, realising that the wish-granting god was right here, in front of him. If the tale was true, there was a chance that he could get him to cure him. However absurd it sounded, he was clutching at straws. "Do you still make wishes come true, or did that end a few centuries ago?"

"You really know me, huh?" The God shifted himself beside Sugawara. "I'll tell you what. Depending on your wish, I'll attempt to grant it in a few months' time. But of course, I'm not giving it to you for free. If you'll promise you can talk to me once in a few days, I can make your life better."

"I'll talk to you," Sugawara answered quickly. He couldn't believe that he was going to get his wish granted, and he almost suspected that there was some catch to the God's words. However, he had almost nothing to lose. He was willing to play his part.

The River God gave an enthusiastic nod, hopping off the bed and walking towards the wall that he had come from. "Bye-bye. What should I call you the next time I visit?" He asked, waving his hand and creating a butterfly made of water.

"Sugawara. My name is Sugawara Koushi."

"Until then, Suga-chan."

\-------------

Once the River God had stepped out of the room as easily as he had come in, he was met with a swift chop to the head.

"Ow! You didn't have to hit me, I get that this was a stupid move on my part!"

"Good, at least you get it. What are you planning to do, shorten your life? You've already-"

The River God rubbed his forehead, pouting at the man who had attacked him out of nowhere. "I'm going to die eventually, Iwa-chan. I've known that for as long as I've come here." He gave a huff, not showing any sign of being affected by what he had said about himself.

"You're going to die eventually, because of me." The male addressed as "Iwa-chan" corrected the God, with a much heavier voice.

"I want to die doing one last good thing for some random, unlucky human in this cold, unforgiving world." The God announced dramatically, extending a hand towards the other male and splashing water in his face. "I have no regrets saving you, Iwaizumi."

"I.. thank you," Iwaizumi muttered awkwardly, not expecting the sudden seriousness coming from the River God. "Oikawa,"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please leave a comment and tell me what you think, it would mean to much to me!  
> HAVE A GOOD DAY EVERYONE!


	7. And We Shall Feast!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A dim shimmer radiated from Oikawa, as if he wanted to transfer some of his own energy into Suga as a God. "So," the God started, crossing his legs with a lazy smirk. "Are you going to tell me about your life? It's rather boring when you know my life story and I don't know about you."
> 
> "You're a God. How can you expect me not to know?" Sugawara replied, his sweet tone hiding most of his sarcasm. He had proved that he could be almost as, if not more, snarky than Oikawa.
> 
> Oikawa frowned, squinting his brown eyes. "I didn't want to be a God, but enough about me." He sighed, thinking of what way he was going to interrogate Sugawara. "Let's see... I know you write for a living. What brought you here, if you don't mind me asking?" He inched his face closer to Sugawara's, and the latter's was nothing short of deathly pale.
> 
>  
> 
> Suga reveals his feelings to Oikawa, and a party goes on at Kageyama's.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Holy shit. Me, the grand queen of laziness, managed to update two stories in one day. Please praise me ;=v=  
> Here's a happier chapter for you guys! Enjoy while you can~

**27th of November, 10:34PM**  

Oikawa made it a point to visit Sugawara at least twice a week, ever since they had first met. There were certain days when Sugawara's condition was too unstable for him to be talking, but Oikawa stuck with him, sitting beside him as he struggled to take in air. Their meetings always took place on an evening, in Sugawara's room. It remained a secret between the two, after Oikawa had warned Sugawara not to tell anybody about his existence, for the sake of convenience.

A dim shimmer radiated from Oikawa, as if he wanted to transfer some of his own energy into Suga as a God. "So," the God started, crossing his legs with a lazy smirk. "Are you going to tell me about your life? It's rather boring when you know my life story and I don't know about you."

"You're a God. How can you expect me not to know?" Sugawara replied, his sweet tone hiding most of his sarcasm. He had proved that he could be almost as, if not more, snarky than Oikawa.

Oikawa frowned, squinting his brown eyes. "I didn't want to be a God, but enough about me." He sighed, thinking of what way he was going to interrogate Sugawara. "Let's see... I know you write for a living. What brought you here, if you don't mind me asking?" He inched his face closer to Sugawara's, and the latter's was nothing short of deathly pale.

Sugawara reached for his novel by the bedside table, opening it up where he had bookmarked it and twiddling his finger around the string. "I went to a small university in Touhoku. I was studying literature there, and.." he hesitated, but Oikawa cocked his chin at him as a way of urging him to continue. "I fell in love with a guy there, and we started going out." Sugawara averted his eyes.

Oikawa didn't laugh, or attempt to take the piss out of him. He nodded thoughtfully, seeming to get the message that Sugawara had been through a hard time because of his sexual preference. "Aren't you grossed out by it? The people in my classes were," he asked bitterly, almost as if he was expecting Oikawa to belittle him.

"Suga-chan, I've been around since about half of all time. The people in the Edo era had no problem with homosexuality, and nobody, not even Gods like me, have a right to interfere with any romantic relationships," Oikawa explained to him softly, not minding Sugawara's hostility. "You haven't done anything wrong. You don't deserve.. all this,"

"I'm lucky that this island is more accepting," Sugawara answered halfheartedly. Oikawa knew that it was his futile attempt at being positive, which didn't mask his feelings. No matter what his circumstances were now, it wouldn't change the fact that there were plenty of people that treated him like he was below dirt. He made a choked-up noise, and his lip wobbled.

Oikawa placed his arms around Sugawara, knowing that he would feel nothing but a faint brushing sensation on his skin. The evening had become chillier as the month had progressed, and it had snowed very lightly for a few days. Oikawa couldn't feel temperature the same way humans did, but he had a few snowflakes on his hair. The cold wintry winds had ripped the last of the brown leaves from its branches without a care.

"During my second year, I coughed up blood for the first time." Sugawara lifted his head, with a firm expression. "They told me it was tuberculosis, and my boyfriend suggested that I come here to seek better treatment. And guess what? I got better, Oikawa. Can you believe it?" Sugawara spoke quickly, getting too excited for his own good.

"But a few months ago, it came back again. Maybe I should have known," but it hurts all the same, Sugawara's eyes told Oikawa. He stared at the male, who had purple shadows under his eyes and a scarlet flush on his cheeks. Oikawa knew that he was slowly dying, with nobody around him believing that he would make it out alive.

"Oikawa. Please, if you're able to, help me. It's so tiring," Sugawara sank into his pillow, not even having enough energy to cry. "I want to stop being a burden to the people around me, for once!" His sharp voice laced with despondency caused Oikawa to flinch.

That was all Oikawa needed to decide that Sugawara was the last person he was going to help, in exchange for his own existence.

"Suga-chan, I'm going to help you. It's okay," Oikawa whispered, trying to let Sugawara know that he was definitely not going to let him suffer for long. He had assumed that Sugawara had accepted death, but he had stayed around long enough to know that wasn't true. All he needed was a few more weeks until he has enough power to grant Sugawara's wish. "Your boyfriend.. is he not coming tonight?"

Sugawara shook his head, taking Oikawa's hand into his own. He was the only one that he could touch without worrying about infection. "There's a party on at Kageyama's. I told him to go and have a social life," he laughed dryly. "So, Oikawa, are you going to keep me company until he comes back?"

______________

"Kindaichi, Kageyama, drink this! It's really good!" Hinata slammed two beer mugs on the table, his face already a shade of red. Despite the fact that he nearly always passed out after a few drinks, Hinata had managed to drink more than Kageyama and Kindaichi combined.

Kindaichi rarely ever drank. He stared into the mug in front of him, seeing his own distorted reflection. He hadn't had much to drink, but the rowdy atmosphere had caused him to feel drunk, even strangely euphoric.

Kuroo and Daichi were tackling each other in the corner of the room, accidentally kicking a hole into the fusuma more than once. Yamaguchi was hiding under the table, while Tsukishima was obviously having a problem holding his alcohol. The blond was picking fights against whoever caught his eye, which was mostly Kageyama. The confectioner was by far the least drunk, but that didn't matter when he was arguing his face off while spraying biscuit crumbs everywhere.

Kindaichi shoved one of Kageyama's biscuits into his mouth, even though he knew he had eaten too much for his own good. He felt like he needed to be doing something, anything other than sitting there looking like the world was collapsing in on itself. His stomach felt heavy, and the smell of food and drink was intoxicating.

"Ow! You just kicked me in the testicles, idiot!"

"Sorry, it was aimed at Kageyama."

"What?! Fight me, you rotten octopus!"

"Heads up, you drunk fucks!"

As if on cue, Kuroo had gotten hold of a cooked octopus tentacle the size of his fist and hurled it aimlessly. It flew in a perfect arch in the air before smacking Kindaichi in the face, its suction cups briefly sticking to his skin before falling to the ground with a splat.

A silence filled the room for a split second. Everybody stopped yelling and kicking, turning to look at Kindaichi's slightly red face.

"You could say that this sucks." Kindaichi picked up the tentacle, biting half of it clean off in one bite and chewing it up. The room burst into peals of laughter at Kindaichi's unexpected response, as he shrugged and ate the rest of the tentacle. He refused to admit how much his jaw hurt from the stunt that he had pulled.

Kageyama bumped shoulders with him once he was finished eating. His face hadn't reddened like Hinata or Kuroo, but Kindaichi could smell the shochu in his breath. "Hey, Kindaichi? Was that another pun?" The way Kageyama stretched out his words more than usual reminded Kindaichi that he had drunk too much, although it was less obvious at first glance. Which was probably why nobody had rushed to stop him, Kindaichi thought.

"Yes, it was. And no, I won't call you sweetie. Don't even bother asking," Kindaichi sighed, pushing Kageyama off his shoulder. He ate another biscuit while refusing to make eye contact with anyone, but he had learned the hard way that Kageyama was talkative when he was drunk. It reminded him of when he had first met Hinata, which resulted in his clothes getting torn.

Kageyama snorted, reaching for a half-full glass of strong sake. Kindaichi slapped his hand away, deciding that he was going to try to stop him from passing out. "You certainly seem to be enjoying the food I made," he pointed out, while Kindaichi pushed him away from the alcohol.

"It's certainly better than that octopus tentacle," Kindaichi dodged a clump of rice that Hinata had sent hurtling towards the wall from the other side of the room. "Are you guys always like this when there's sake in the house?" He asked, tilting his head in a questioning manner. He was going to dread cleaning up the mess afterwards, since the sleeping space had been cleared out to make space for the party.

Kuroo and Tsukishima had left at the same time, trying to help each other wobble along the path and constantly falling over. They were far too drunk to care about it, even when Kuroo had taken a pretty strong fall on his behind. He would have great fun discovering the bruise a few days later while bathing. Hinata had passed out with his head on the table, with a near-empty shochu bottle still in his hand.

"Lighten up, Yamaguchi! There's still tempura and grilled meat that we can eat! It'll do you good!" Even Daichi, Kindaichi's last hope, had fallen victim to the temptations of booze. He had been relieved when Kuroo had staggered off with Tsukishima, which he hoped would calm Daichi down. But no, he had just turned into something that resembled an annoying drunk relative at family gatherings.

It was frustrating for Kindaichi to admit that everyone who was drunk seemed to be having more fun than him. They went on about the same story that they had told an hour ago, and managed to laugh obnoxiously about it all over again. Being the only one remotely sober in the room, Kindaichi glanced hesitantly at his cup.

Was he going to regret it? Yes.

Would it leave him with an even bigger mess to clean up? Definitely.

All in all, was it a good idea? Most likely not.

It seemed like a great thing to do.

Kindaichi sipped the slightly sweet, strong drink in front of him, passing the point of no return. "Go, Kindaichi!" Yamaguchi cheered. He had a necktie wrapped around his head, which added to the overall drunk effect. Even with less members and some passed out, the party was in full swing.

Daichi, Yamaguchi and even Kageyama had wrapped pieces of spare patterned cloth around their waists and started to sing old songs passed down from decades ago. Kindaichi didn't know some of the songs, but he had managed to capture the tune and join in on the chorus. It was the first pleasant experience he was having with alcohol, after he had avoided it like the plague in his college years.

Perhaps drinking wasn't so bad after all, Kindaichi thought joyfully as he finished his glass. He felt wonderful! It felt like he was floating where he stood, and all of his problems seemed insignificant. The sober part of him told him that he was going to have a hard time cleaning up, but none of that mattered right now.

"Kageyama, your food is delicious! You should definitely write your own recipe and sell it to America! You'll make millions!" Kindaichi sent crumbs flying as he spoke, but nobody cared for manners now. In fact, all of them had tried out dancing on the table more than once, while the others clapped a rhythm to cheer them on.

Kageyama couldn't hide the smile that crept onto him. "Of course it is! Do you think I've spent all my life doing nothing? I'm the professional here when it comes to sweets!" He exclaimed with more enthusiasm than Kindaichi had ever heard him speak with. The clock ticked by as the males feasted without paying attention to the time.

"We'd better get going. It was a great party, thanks everyone!" Once Daichi and Yamaguchi had left, the room seemed a lot more quiet. The effects of alcohol had not yet left, but the three left knew that they would regret it if they didn't clean up the room.

With all the drunken energy that they could muster, Hinata and Kageyama began to dump the plates and bowls into a basin filled with water, while Kindaichi picked up all of the numerous objects on the floor and put them back where they belonged. Despite their efforts, the cleanup hadn't been completed when all three collapsed on the floor, with an odd look of pride on their faces.

Kindaichi's head felt like it was being ground up to pieces as soon as he woke up. He didn't dare open his eyes again after knowing what it did to him. He had only experienced hangover a few times, and he could say with confidence that this one was definitely hitting him the hardest. The pounding ache in his head radiated down behind his eyes, which had become so intense that he felt sick.

"If this is the price I have to pay, I'm never drinking again." Kindaichi muttered, covering his eyes with his palms in an effort to ease the pain. Two groans of agreement came from either side of him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Christmas everyone! I'm secretly hoping that you guys will enjoy this as a little Christmas gift from me. I'm glad I got this chapter done in time!


	8. Warm Bowls

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As the days became darker, the amount of patients Kindaichi had to deal with faced a dramatic increase. Cold winters were prominent on the island, Kindaichi had learned. It was cold enough to lower everyone's immune systems, anyway. He was baffled when Hinata and Kageyama hadn't caught nasty colds after they had gone outside shirtless to test their endurance.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sleepy and tired but here's a chapter anyway thanks for reading all the way up to here!

**4th of December, 8:19PM**

  
As the days became darker, the amount of patients Kindaichi had to deal with faced a dramatic increase. Cold winters were prominent on the island, Kindaichi had learned. It was cold enough to lower everyone's immune systems, anyway. He was baffled when Hinata and Kageyama hadn't caught nasty colds after they had gone outside shirtless to test their endurance. 

Due to the fact that many had come to the hospital seeking treatment for their minor ailments, even Kuroo had to lend Kindaichi a hand with the diagnostics due to the lack of patients who came in to have their hearts operated on. A few patients had developed pneumonia after their cold had been left untreated, which had the hospital rooms being constantly filled and emptied. Only the terminal patients stayed put where they always were.

"So glad that's over," Kuroo sighed, writing up the last of his medical reports and tidying up the desk with medical equipment cluttered all over it. Kindaichi groaned in response, his head resting on top of the patient records that were stacked up to the height of a watermelon. Kuroo nudged him with the end of a stethoscope, forcing Kindaichi to lift his head. "I heard that Suga's been doing surprisingly better. Not better-better, just... more stable."

Kindaichi nodded, although uncertainty was evident in his eyes. He was unsure if he could call it a recovery, or the calm before a storm. He had honestly never expected Sugawara to recover at all, although he took care not to show that though his actions. It was as if Sugawara knew anyway, even when he said nothing to him at all. "I know what you mean,"

"Yeah. Hey, Kindaichi, are you going to tell me what's up?" Kuroo leaned back into his seat, staring at Kindaichi coldly. "You look like you've woken up with the worst hangover ever." He elaborated before Kindaichi had a chance to ask what the deal was.

Kindaichi considered denying that there was anything he was hiding, but he knew that Kuroo was one of those people who he definitely shouldn't try to lie to. "It's just a headache. Probably from staring at these stupid papers for too long," he responded sheepishly, standing up.

"If you get sick in this damn busy season and leave us here, I'll go down to you myself and throw a bowl of rice gruel at your face." Kuroo warned him, but relief was evident on his face. Kindaichi sighed internally, glad that he was let off the hook. He returned a smile, to look more convincing.

"No worries, Kuroo-san. I used to get headaches when I was stressed as a student, though." Kindaichi added, which wasn't entirely a lie.

"Well, get your ass home and free yourself from the stress. I'm going to grab a bite to eat with Tsukishima,"

Kindaichi raised his eyebrows. Kuroo had a habit of acting like Tsukishima loved hanging around with him, when in reality, Kuroo was the one who loved to mess around with the tall male. "Make sure you don't try to irritate him. You should see the way he looks at you sometimes."

"Excuse me?"

Kindaichi left Kuroo on his own and retreated back to his house, before Kuroo could go on a rant about how healthy and wholesome his relationship with Tsukishima was. While it may have been true, Kindaichi couldn't deny that Kuroo was great at pressing all the right buttons on everybody.

"I'm home, gu-" the stench of something burnt to a crisp smacked Kindaichi in the face without warning. He wrinkled his nose in disgust, cautiously making his way over to the hearth. It looked like some attempt had been made to clean the mess, but it was in no way a good one.

Hinata laughed nervously once he noticed Kindaichi's presence. "I accidentally left the rice cooking for two hours," Kindaichi rolled his eyes at Hinata's explanation, not amused in any way despite the absurdity of the situation. He grabbed a wet cloth from the floor and rubbed at the dark clumps of charred rice stuck onto the pan experimentally.

"I can't believe you. Well, we're not buying a new one just because of this." Kindaichi had a creeping suspicion that something like that would happen again in a few weeks. He scraped at the equipment until most of the black patches had come off, his stomach growling at him to tell him that he needed food. Hinata offered to make a proper meal, but Kindaichi refused to let him anywhere near food.

Kindaichi entered the small kitchen space to look for some leftover ingredients that weren't obliterated by Hinata's cooking skills. A few leafy vegetables and some soft brown rice remained untouched, which would be enough to make a meal for three if he tried. Kindaichi was surprisingly the best at cooking meals among himself and his two roommates. Kageyama was undoubtedly a professional at dessert-making, but he wasn't particularly skilled at making ordinary meals.

As Kindaichi chopped up the vegetables, his mind had slipped into the past, when he had taught himself to cook. He hadn't been able to have much of a choice. Ever since he had caused a scene in his household in his second year of high school, his parents refused to acknowledge him for a few weeks once someone had found him collapsed in the snow and brought him back. He cooked his own meals whenever he wanted, and started to work at a bookshop after school to make sure he had enough money once he was able to move out.

His parents started to talk to him again once he was in his third year, when his grades had climbed up again. He had a newfound determination to get a good job and rent his own place, or so he told himself. In truth, he was scared of losing the attention that had always been there. Getting yelled at, or even slapped, was better than getting ignored by the people that expected the most from him. It hurt when it seemed like there was no possibility of getting loved by his parents. In the end, all that mattered was whether he was good enough.

"Kindaichi," Kageyama dragged Kindaichi back into reality, which prevented him from absentmindedly slicing his finger off. "You need help? I know I'm better at cooking than Hinata," Kageyama put his hands on his hips, beaming proudly. Although Kageyama had managed to cause a few cooking disasters of his own, Kindaichi concluded that nothing too bad would happen on his watch.

Kindaichi handed Kageyama a measuring cup, which had been made at Tsukishima's shop. Kageyama always complained that his products were overpriced, but there was no denying that the quality was top-notch. It was durable and easily mended, which was a great property to have when it had been dropped countless times. Indeed, most of the bowls and kitchen equipment came from Tsukishima's.

"Go measure out some water. We'll have to make rice gruel at this rate," Kindaichi confirmed, chopping the carrots and shiitake mushrooms into pieces and moving them to one side of the board. He noticed that they had been less "chopped" and more "hacked into uneven pieces", but it wouldn't matter once he threw them into the pot.

Kageyama glanced at Kindaichi's effort and snorted, not turning away quickly enough to prevent Kindaichi from noticing. "If you want to eat Hinata's cooking, then I suggest you be my guest." Kindaichi glared at him, but there was no real malice in his voice. It could be easily told that Kindaichi was frustrated with himself. "It's not my fault this knife's gone weird,"

With one swift flick of a wrist, Kageyama took the knife from Kindaichi and chopped a piece of carrot in half. "Seems alright to me. I'm lucky you'll most likely never operate on me. I don't want to die just yet," he taunted him, placing the knife down. Kindaichi took the opportunity to elbow Kageyama in the side, since his feet had fallen asleep from the tedious work that he had done with hardly any movement.

"Screw you, you tough cookie." Kindaichi hissed, secretly proud of himself for being able to fit in with Kageyama and Hinata. He had never imagined that he would be this close to them when he first came to the island, but in the span of five months, his view on everyone had changed.

A soft laugh came from Kageyama as he started the fire in the hearth, glancing at the amount of rice they had left and fetching an appropriate amount of water from the well. "We could also put tofu in that. It's about time we finished eating that portion, anyway." He suggested, but Kindaichi shut that down quickly.

"Kageyama, you know I hate tofu with anything other than soy sauce. Don't put it in, I'm warning you." Kindaichi felt immature saying that, and he knew that Kageyama was well aware of that. "Don't do it,"

Kindaichi's warning meant nothing to Kageyama. He hacked up a chunk of tofu and threw them into the pot, just strong enough that it didn't make a splash. Kindaichi groaned, knowing that he would just have to suck it up and eat it. He wasn't brave enough to pick the tofu out.

"You bastard. Why do you like to torture me so much?" Kindaichi poured the remaining vegetables into the pot as well, watching the mixture simmer and bubble. A pleasant smell began to fill the room, attracting Hinata over to the pot as well.

Kindaichi sat back in an odd comfort, feeling drowsy as he watched the flames lick around the pot. The warmth added to his tiredness, and it felt like his body was slowly being undone, strand by strand. Once the porridge had been cooked, Kageyama grabbed the ladle before anyone else could. He dished out the food in three even portions, placing the bowls on Hinata and Kindaichi's laps.

"Thanks for the meal," the three muttered in unison, their voices quiet in the room as they sat down around the wooden table to eat. Kindaichi didn't bother to blow on the rice before eating. The warmth of the porridge stung as it went down, but it was just the thing to prevent himself from falling asleep on the table.

"How did things go today?" Hinata asked with genuine curiosity. "One of my customers tripped over a flower pot today. It was pretty hectic," One of the things that Kindaichi had learned, if anything, was that Hinata would always be concerned about how everyone was doing. He never understood how he would ask something that would elicit the same response. If anything were to happen, they would tell him before getting asked.

Kindaichi shrugged, wondering if Kageyama wanted to answer first. When Kageyama replied that it was the same old stuff again with an indifferent expression, Kindaichi opened his mouth. "It's been pretty stressful because it's flu season, but I guess that's to be expected." He grimaced a little as he swallowed a piece of tofu, shooting daggers at Kageyama.

"Go sleep early, then. Don't let the tofu monster appear into your dreams." Kageyama said flatly, and Hinata barely managed to keep himself from spitting out his food. Kindaichi lifted his near-empty bowl threateningly, but couldn't stop himself from laughing at the image of a tofu monster.

He finished the food with small gulps, rubbing at his eyes with his fists like a child. "As a matter of fact, I actually will. Sweet dreams, biscuit." Kindaichi muttered, lacking a better comeback to shoot at Kageyama. A snort came from behind him as he turned away to take out his futon, which was easy to recognise due to the lack of wear and tear compared to the other two. The headache that had irritated him was gone before he knew it, and he was craving nothing more than a good night's sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Leave a comment if you think I can improve on anything, of if there's anything you wanna say in general!


	9. Falling

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> An excruciating headache was what woke Kindaichi up first thing in the morning. He let out a low groan, curse words escaping his dry lips. He hadn't even drank alcohol, and yet he felt like he was having the worst hangover ever. Curling in on himself, Kindaichi silently waited for the waves of pain to pass, taking deep breaths to settle his mind.
> 
> Opening his eyes surprisingly didn't make anything much worse or better, so he decided to keep them open and survey his surroundings. The room was still dark as night, but he knew that he had slept well past dawn. Most likely, he had about an hour left until he had to leave for work.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hhhhhhhh sorry for this chapter in general I feel like it is a little messy.

**5th of December, 5:01AM**

  
An excruciating headache was what woke Kindaichi up first thing in the morning. He let out a low groan, curse words escaping his dry lips. He hadn't even drank alcohol, and yet he felt like he was having the worst hangover ever. Curling in on himself, Kindaichi silently waited for the waves of pain to pass, taking deep breaths to settle his mind.

Opening his eyes surprisingly didn't make anything much worse or better, so he decided to keep them open and survey his surroundings. The room was still dark as night, but he knew that he had slept well past dawn. Most likely, he had about an hour left until he had to leave for work.

Getting some water seemed like the best choice for him. He winced as he bent forward and pushed himself up, leaning against a wall to keep his balance. The well was outside the house, which was considerably brighter than indoors. Locating the water was easy; drinking it wasn't.

As soon as Kindaichi scooped some water out of the bucket with his cupped hands, he was struck with a sudden urge to vomit. He had all but a few seconds to head over to a quiet spot behind the large bushes, where he was quietly sick for a minute or two. He sighed in mild irritation, trudging back to the well to take small sips of the cool water and splashing it on his face.

"Kindaichi..? What's wrong?" Hinata rubbed his eyes with his fists like a little child, stepping out to head over to his shop. Kindaichi hastily tried to think of a reason why he was awake so early, setting down the wooden bucket on the rim of the well. "Are you pregnant?"

Kindaichi couldn't stop himself from snorting, despite the pain that it brought onto his head. He laughed until his lungs were gasping for air, ignoring the fact that Hinata seemed genuinely concerned that he had a baby inside him. "No, idiot. I'm a guy. I can't get pregnant,"

"I thought you were having morning sickness," Hinata huffed, scooping up a handful of water and hurling it at Kindaichi, who let out a yelp as he was hit with a sudden burst of cold.

Kindaichi rolled his eyes as he shook off the water droplets from his limp hair, scowling at Hinata. "Right, because me getting a headache in the morning totally means that I'm pregnant." He felt the pain in his head abate slightly as he breathed in deep gulps of air, relaxing his hands by his sides. "Seriously, how do you even come to that conclusion?"

"What are you guys talking about, so early in the morning?" Kageyama emerged from the house, his clothes worn sloppily with the collar hanging about in different directions. His face was scrunched up like it usually was when he was tired or thinking hard.

"Nothing," Kindaichi shrugged, heading back inside to collect his belongings, which had been knocked down by one of the three males onto the tatami mat. "I'll see you guys later," headache almost completely relieved, Kindaichi made his way to the hospital to proceed with his daily work.

As soon as he entered the building, he was welcomed by the pristine smell of disinfectant as per usual, but also Daichi. It was unusual to see him sitting down anywhere, especially in the mornings when records had to be submitted and plans had to be made.

"Good morning, Kindaichi." Daichi seemed happier than normal since the past few weeks, but at the same time oddly worried. Kindaichi could have chalked it up to the fact that Sugawara was in danger of dying any day, but he had been stable enough for a while, almost as if it were the calm before a storm.

Kindaichi bowed his head, maintaining his calm expression. "Today is very cold," he stated, tugging at his coat to keep warm. He tried to avoid talking about any subject that might have been sensitive, but Daichi struck up a conversation with him.

"I'm hoping this isn't just me, but.. It seems like Suga's getting better." Daichi stared at him with his hopeful eyes, that Kindaichi had to force himself not to tear his eyes from. He didn't know what to say, ever since there had been an unsaid agreement in the hospital to rarely talk about Suga when Daichi was with them.

Kindaichi swallowed his usual words that would have popped out, and took a breath. "It's not just you," he started, seeing no point in being pessimistic. "It's surprised all of us, but it seems like he might make a recovery." He smiled. Although he hadn't been assigned to Sugawara's room often, he was genuinely happy that someone as caring as him was doing well.

"You think so too?" Daichi lifted his head, not daring to sound too hopeful, as if it would jinx their luck. "I just want him to get better, you know? I'd take his place in a heartbeat." Kindaichi was sure that more than one person would, but kept his mouth shut and nodded.

To Kindaichi's surprise, Daichi placed his hand onto his shoulder firmly, looking at him with an expression that Kindaichi only ever saw when he was around Sugawara. "Thanks for that time a few months ago. I never managed to thank you properly, Kindaichi."

"Sorry?" Kindaichi queried in confusion, not remembering anything that he had done for Daichi. If anything, he had been told about how the hospital worked and what shops to visit when on the island, which had proved extremely useful.

"You did all my work and told me to go to Suga, remember? I wanted to thank you for that." Daichi explained swiftly, scratching the back of his neck sheepishly. His eyes held a hint of sadness from the memory. "You were probably more level-headed than me," Kindaichi opened his mouth to deny Daichi's statement, then closed it. He knew that his words would have little impact on him.

Coincidentally, Kindaichi had been scheduled to Sugawara's room once his patients had all been sent home with a diagnosis. He felt more than awkward heading to the grey-haired male's room after the conversation with Daichi, but also knew that he would be read like one of the novels in Sugawara's room no matter what.

"What's been happening in the madhouse of yours, Kindaichi?" Sugawara asked him as soon as he set foot inside the room, not giving Kindaichi a chance to ask how he was feeling. "It's been a while since we talked,"

Kindaichi chuckled dryly at the mention of his home. Hinata and Kageyama had proved themselves to be just as clumsy and loud as they head been when Kindaichi had first met them, but they had also grown on him. "It's been fun, in a strange way. Tiring, but it's hard not to be entertained."

"Well, I'm going to let you do your job now. No point in just hanging about doing nothing, right?" Sugawara pushed himself up into a sitting position, while Kindaichi fumbled for the equipment to run his tests and check-ups. "But tell me about something funny that happened. It's nice to talk about non-medical crap once in a while,"

Not able to tell if Sugawara was joking or not, Kindaichi hesitated before saying, "You're making progress." Sugawara's expression remained unchanging, except for a small wry smile on his lips.

"Pretty easy to tell, since I've almost died more than once until now." Sugawara shrugged as a needle was pushed into his skin, glancing at Kindaichi's frozen face. "Loosen up. I was just screwing with you," he shrugged with one shoulder, and Kindaichi's tense aura softened. "So, seeing as you know me and my body a lot, are you going to tell me your story?"

____________

"Fuck. Oh, shit, this absolutely sucks,"

Oikawa sat perched beside the river flowing through the forest, tears pricking at the corners of his eyes. His insides felt like they were being carved by a scythe, and he knew exactly why. Even as a God, his powers were weakening steadily, especially with the effort of sharing a small amount of his energy with Sugawara.

Strong, firm hands grabbed Oikawa's shoulders, forcing him to lean into the warm touch. A stern look greeted him once he turned around to face his friend, whose look indicated that he knew everything that Oikawa had been up to. Understandably, Iwaizumi was less than pleased with Oikawa's stunts.

"What the fuck have you done to yourself?" Iwaizumi hissed, more irritated than anything else. He gripped Oikawa tightly, letting the God relax under his touch and smoothing a hand over his back. Oikawa let out a small whimper, gritting his teeth together as he suffered through the consequences of his rash decisions.

"Sorry, Iwa-chan," Oikawa could barely muster a whisper, clinging onto Iwaizumi's clothes. The sudden episodes of inexplicable pain had become more frequent as time passed, reminding both Gods that their days together were numbered.

Iwaizumi glared at Oikawa, even as he made sure that his actions were gentle. "You're a complete and utter idiot. What's the deal with you and that human you keep visiting?" He growled, not bothering to keep his words sweet. Oikawa was tempted to ask Iwaizumi if he was jealous, but stopped. Of course he was, and he had a right to be. And he hated admitting that.

"He's just a friend of mine. Why do you even insist on me doing as you say?" Oikawa could feel an argument coming on, and he wasn't going to make an effort to avoid it. Iwaizumi and Oikawa had argued many times, seeing as they were each other's only company for a good while. This time, however, it was about Oikawa's nearing death, which both Gods never tried to discuss.

"Because here you are, putting yourself through all this shit, just for one human. Do you even care about the fact that I'm the one who goes about worrying?" Iwaizumi tightened his grip on Oikawa, who stared back at him defiantly.

Oikawa shook his head. "It's my stupid, cursed life. I'll do what I want with it, and if I want to help some human, I will. Not every aspect of my life revolves around you, okay?"

"Well, maybe you've forgotten this, but the only reason I still exist is because of you. The hell is wrong with wanting to stay with you? Am I that unimportant-"

"I never said that you're unimportant! Seriously, you have to learn to live without me. I'm not going to be here soon, so you have to stop being so dependent! You're you, and I'm me!"

The moment Oikawa saw the flash of genuine hurt in Iwaizumi's eyes, he knew that he had gone too far. However, Iwaizumi's face was twisted with rage less than a second later, and a slap was delivered to his face before he could apologise and tell him that he hadn't meant any of what he had said.

"Fine, Oikawa. If you don't want me around so badly, I won't bother you." Iwaizumi began backing away from him, turning away as soon as his eyes began to water in frustration. Oikawa's eyes were wet with tears of pain and hopelessness, but he refused to let them spill until Iwaizumi had left him alone.

Oikawa hated how empty the forest felt after he had yelled at Iwaizumi. His cheek throbbed where Iwaizumi had slapped him, and the tears stung his eyes as he cried into his palm. He had messed up, and Iwaizumi wouldn't care for him anymore. Oikawa knew he had acted irresponsibly, but it was too late to fix his mistake. It was just him and the darkening sky, that moved on without a shred of sympathy. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Leave a comment if you have something to say! I need feedback~ ;v;


	10. Snow Pile

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kageyama's birthday leads to an intense snowball fight.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HEY HI it's exams in less than 24 hours kill me please

**22nd of December, 5:46PM**

  
Kindaichi gripped the carefully wrapped box in his hands, waiting patiently for Kageyama to come home. He had prepared the most decent birthday gift that he could possibly think of. His options had been seriously limited. He couldn't craft, draw, cook, or sew anything that was good enough for a birthday gift, after all.

"Kageyama's home! Let's surprise him with our gifts!" Hinata's chirpy voice was his cue to bite his lip and prepare to present his little box to Kageyama. He waited until the dark-haired male was inside their home, with a visibly interested look on his face.

A sudden wave of nervousness and excitement rushed over Kindaichi. Before he could comprehend what it was, Hinata had yelled "Happy birthday, Kageyama!" He was quick to follow him, but he knew that if he spoke now, his words would be drowned out by Hinata.

"Here you go! Everyone working at the shop pitched in," Hinata placed an assortment of Kageyama's favourite food on the table. There were different kinds of meat, steamed rice and seasoned vegetables that Kageyama couldn't wait to eat, and Kindaichi decided to wait until all the food was eaten before he gave Kageyama his present.

Just as Kindaichi popped a piece of fried fish into his mouth, two more people entered the house. "Hey. I heard it's Kageyama's birthday today, and I wanted to drop by!" Yamaguchi waved cheerfully, and Tsukishima glanced at everyone in the house before softly sighing.

"This is for the King," Tsukishima gave Kageyama a set of chopsticks and little bowls patterned meticulously with lacquer. Kindaichi cast an awkward glance at his own box, somehow feeling that it wasn't the time for him to speak up.

Yamaguchi and Tsukishima ended up joining the three for dinner, after Hinata suggesting that the more, the merrier. At one point, Tsukishima and Kageyama were on the verge of having a food fight with the shrimp tempura, but all of the food went into somebody's stomach.

While Kindaichi rested his head on the table with his eyes half-lidded, conversations of what to do next floated over his head. "We should have a snowball fight!" A voice piped up. Running around like a lunatic in the freezing cold with the wind slicing his skin wasn't Kindaichi's ideal way of spending the evening. He waited until somebody made a better suggestion, but that moment never came.

"Kindaichi, Tsukishima! Come on, let's go hurl snowballs at each other!" Yamaguchi approached the two low-energy males, who both groaned in response. "It's going to be a lot of fun!" He thrilled, his locks bouncing as he spoke.

"No," Tsukishima spoke on behalf of both of them, rolling his eyes with a slightly condescending stare. "I refuse to be coated in pounds of white bullshit that you folk call snow." He said flatly. Kindaichi agreed with his statement wholeheartedly, but Hinata was having none of his lack of enthusiasm.

"Are you guys afraid that you're going to lose?" Hinata asked provocatively, and just as Kindaichi began to shake his head, Tsukishima was on his feet. His last ally had left his side. It was a pity that Tsukishima was way too easy to rile up. With a defeated sigh, Kindaichi dragged himself up to his feet and followed the others outside.

The wind had died down, leaving snow piled up on rooftops and the ground. It was a good opportunity to get rid of the snow on the roof, which everyone would have to do eventually.

"I'll get up on the roof and scoop the snow away!" Hinata volunteered, climbing up onto the roof before anyone else. Kindaichi wiggled up onto the roof with him, but to his surprise, the snowball fight had already started, without any indication of it. The first thrower was Yamaguchi, surprisingly; his snowball had hit Kindaichi's back while he was hopping up onto the roof.

Kindaichi witnessed Kageyama and Hinata already throwing at each other, and Tsukishima was arranging his snowballs meticulously in order of size. The games had begun. No teams, just four grown men having a battle of wits and "white bullshit", to quote Tsukishima.

Kageyama pelted a snowball that was definitely browner than the other ones at Tsukishima, without giving him a chance to react. The blond stared at him hard, smirked, and threw one of his largest snowballs at Kageyama's face.

"God, Tsukishima, I hate you so much right now!"

Kageyama scooped up and threw large amounts of snow childishly, while Tsukishima cackled and turned on his heels, throwing a snowball at the unsuspecting Yamaguchi. "What?! Me?" Yamaguchi's surprise and shock was directed straight at Kindaichi, who had all but three seconds to avoid a direct snow to the face.

Kindaichi sat on the roof and aimed his weapons of destruction at whoever he deemed the easiest target, calculating distance and speed in his mind. For once, the math that he had learned in high school was coming into good use.

"Kindaichi, get down from there! You gotta get into the real war zone!" Hinata beckoned over to him. Kindaichi squinted his eyes, shrugging and sliding down off the roof. His back was soaked, but he had gone past the point of caring.

As soon as his feet touched the ground, Tsukishima ambushed him with a large snowballs with a mixture of leaves and twig thrown in for good measure. Kindaichi had never felt this competitive ever since the yearly animal impressions contest in his college.

"Good luck to you guys. You're so going to need it."

Kindaichi had never exerted himself so much in his entire life, or so he thought. Ducking, dashing, pelting his way out of situations where he thought he had no escape more times than he could count, all the while making sure that he wasn't staying on the defensive side too much.

Snow covered everyone to at least some degree. Tsukishima was grumbling about his glasses being soaked and useless, all the while Kageyama used that fact as an advantage for himself. Kindaichi had received many critical hits to his face and clothes, but nothing was worse than cold melted snow seeping down onto his back.

"I think I speak on behalf of everyone when I say, I need a warm bath right this second."

All of them were willing to pay for the public baths if it cost double the usual price. Kindaichi was soaked from head to toe with melted snow. He shivered as he wrapped his hands around himself, trying to stop his body heat escaping. The snow-covered ground spun beneath his feet, until he saw the ground speeding towards him.

"What the fuck?!" Tsukishima yelled as Kindaichi held his hands out just in time to prevent himself from destroying his face. Kindaichi opened his mouth, but his jaclenched tighter than ever once he realised how much his head was throbbing.

The confused, concerned voices around him seemed to be from another dimension. He could hear it all happening, but it just didn't seem like he was part of the reality. Before he had a chance to be terrified of what was to come, he was out cold.

Waking up in a hospital bed was horribly ironic for Kindaichi. His headache had worsened tenfold from the last time he had remembered. He couldn't exactly tell how long ago that was. A strange bitter taste rested in his mouth, and he swallowed thickly in an attempt to get it away.

"Awake, are we?" Kindaichi jumped as Kuroo was suddenly there at the door, waving his clipboard around. "I need to have a few words with you."

Kindaichi squeezed his eyes shut. It was going to be a long interrogation.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry :)


	11. Looking Ahead

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "And then, he just smacks me and goes, 'Shittikawa, that's a pencil". Can you believe it?" Oikawa laughs harder than Sugawara does, remembering all the times Iwaizumi had put up with his shenanigans with a soft sigh on his lips.
> 
> They had made up ever since Iwaizumi had slapped Oikawa on the face mercilessly, but still kept their distance. It was what they usually did after a fight to give each other space, and then the whole feud would be another thing to reflect back on and laugh at; "Oh yeah, remember that time you nearly slapped my face off? Classic."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... The title may or may not be a pun... ;^^   
> Sorry for taking so long with this, I kind of got stuck a few times and it took me a heck ton of medical research to wrote this chapter.

**Later on in the day, 23:21PM**

"And then, he just smacks me and goes, 'Shittikawa, that's a pencil". Can you believe it?" Oikawa laughs harder than Sugawara does, remembering all the times Iwaizumi had put up with his shenanigans with a soft sigh on his lips.

They had made up ever since Iwaizumi had slapped Oikawa on the face mercilessly, but still kept their distance. It was what they usually did after a fight to give each other space, and then the whole feud would be another thing to reflect back on and laugh at; "Oh yeah, remember that time you nearly slapped my face off? Classic."

Sugawara made sure to show interest in Oikawa's ramblings, but his eyes focused someplace else. "Suga-chan, what are you thinking about? Is it your boyfriend?" Oikawa asked, raising his brows. Sugawara wasn't the most easy to read person he knew, but after centuries of observing humans, Oikawa could pick up on little cues and body language with ease.

"Actually, no. Remember that guy that moved in a couple of months ago?" Oikawa nodded, vaguely remembering others speak about the new doctor that started to work at the hospital. "He apparently fell face-first in the snow after having a snowball fight. There were a lot of people here talking about it last night,"

Oikawa raised an eyebrow, imagining how unpleasant that would be. It was impossible to tell if he was meant to laugh or put on a thoughtful face, so he went ahead with the latter. "Did he trip over a rock?"

Sugawara shrugged in response, stifling a chesty cough into the back of his hand. "Hard to know all the fine details, when I've just heard it outside these doors," he remained unfazed by the splash of blood on his skin, grabbing a piece of cloth to wipe it off.

"How is your boyfriend doing, anyway? Do you guys get all sappy when I'm not here?" Oikawa batted his eyelids coyly, urging Sugawara to spill the beans. He knew not to ask if they kissed recently, because that would be an insensitive move on his part.

Sugawara squinted, unimpressed by Oikawa's actions. "Trust me, it's not half as romantic as you think it is. Especially when I'm getting all these tests and needles poking me on every inch of my body." Oikawa's eyes drifted to the round, reddish marks on Sugawara's arms, making him feel instantly guilty.

"Alright," Oikawa didn't want to think about the pain that Sugawara had been put through, until most of it didn't seem to affect him any longer. He wanted to ask about the unlucky doctor that had moved in- his name was Kindaichi or something, right?- but he suspected that Sugawara had already told him all that he knew.

"Oh yeah, Oikawa. Kindaichi once drew on Kageyama's stomach with lipstick a few months back. I think you guys would hit it off well," Sugawara recalled, as if he had peered into Oikawa's mind.

Oikawa snorted. Kageyama and lipstick were two words that he had never expected to be in the same sentence. "But it's not like Kageyama and Kindaichi hate each other, right? I don't think I'd like Kageyama, at all. It's just the way you talk about him! You make it seem like he's so able, and like.."

It was unusual for Oikawa to get lost for words. He huffed, crossing his arms. "Whatever. But a lipstick prank? That's pretty smart. How'd he do it, anyway?" Oikawa took great interest in the subject, as he always did when people were talking about shameless banter and pranking.

_________

"How are you feeling?" Kuroo's voice was more gentle than Kindaichi expected, which unnerved him. He expected to be yelled at for being careless. What had Kuroo discovered that prevented him from doing so?

Kindaichi almost didn't answer, chewing his lip as he waited for the wave of pain to pass. "I have a really bad headache," he realised that the headaches that kept hitting him full force in the morning was something that he shouldn't have chalked up to stress.

Kuroo pointed to the petite bedside table, where Kindaichi saw a cup of water sitting on. "This's been going on for a while, hasn't it?" Kindaichi winced at Kuroo's statement as he took a sip. He was absolutely right. He had waken up with a headache almost every day, and it was taking a toll on his body.

"Kindaichi, I'm not going to give you a whole talk on how not to take care of yourself, since you're an adult." Kuroo held his hands out, sighing in exasperation. "But you have to figure out what's wrong with you. It's getting worrying," Kindaichi nodded miserably, confirming that his gut telling him that he was in trouble was right.

"I thought it was something small," Kindaichi rubbed the side of his head, where the ache had shifted to. He rubbed his eyes, but his vision didn't snap back into focus when he wiped the wetness off them. He squinted, frowning in a confused manner. "My vision's gone weird," he whispered.

Kuroo stared at him with a mixture of pity and shock. "What do you mean, your vision's gone weird? You can't see?" Kindaichi shook his head, massaging around his eyes in an effort to make the uncomfortable blur disappear.

"It's blurred. I've never had this problem before," Kindaichi stated, unable to stop his voice from quivering. He wished he hadn't woken up to his health crumbling before his eyes, which were already starting to fail him.

"I think there's something wrong with your head," Kuroo said what both of them had been avoiding brushing past for the entirety of the conversation. Kindaichi swallowed, gripping his arm until the pressure around it was the only sensation he could focus on.

He wished that Kuroo was making a stab at his intelligence, but one look at him and he could tell that he was being uncomfortably serious. "Do you want to take a chance and get a specialist, or.." Kuroo trailed off, not finishing his sentence. "Of course, we know it's not for certain! We won't know unless.."

"Unless we have someone poke around my brain, right?" Kindaichi concluded the sentence himself this time. He knew he wasn't going to let that happen, considering the odds of his condition improving after someone took a scalpel to his head. He wasn't even sure if a Japanese neurosurgeon existed.

Kuroo gave a heavy nod, noticing that Kindaichi had wrapped his head around what he had been trying to say whilst dealing the minimal damage possible. "I'll go talk to the other staff and tell them that you'll be taking a few days off." He said in a tone that stated that there was no argument Kindaichi could put forward to change his decision.

"Should I bring home any paperwork?" Kindaichi asked, causing Kuroo to give him a deathly stare until he realised that he was saying it in dead seriousness. "I mean, it's a pretty busy season and I don't want to give everyone else a hard time,"

"You have about a million and one things you should be worried about, other than paperwork. Go home, right now. You're gonna have to tell them about your situation whenever you can," Kuroo certainly seemed to be holding back a sarcastic comment now. Kindaichi didn't blame him in the slightest.

The crisp-white snow seemed to sway closer and further away from Kindaichi's face as he paced through the dull pain, his breath forming irregular mists that flowed downwards. Everything made too much sense, now that he had been forced to have a conversation about how there was more than likely something seriously wrong with him.

He had lost track of time as he left footprints in the snow, some of it melting on his shoes and making them glisten. There was still disbelief in him, and it kept him from thinking that he, out of everyone, possibly had a time bomb in his head. He shuddered, both from the chilly weather and nervousness.

"I'm home," Kindaichi pushed the door open with one hand, which took more effort out of him than it should have. His arm hung heavy down his side as he shuffled his shoes off, which still had tiny water droplets littered all across the surface. The same old genkan greeted him; for a moment, the sense of normalcy seemed to take his troubles into another place.

"Kindaichi! You're finally home!" Hinata grabbed him as soon as he heard him. Kindaichi knew that Hinata wouldn't be laughing anymore if he heard about his discovery. "Are you feeling better?"

Kindaichi flinched at the question, knowing that he would either be lying or delivering devastating news. "A little. Can we talk later? I.. I'm just really tired at the moment," he muttered, hoping to avoid the questions that would soon come to him inevitably. He had no confidence in properly telling Kageyama and Hinata when he himself hadn't fully processed the information.

"Alright," Hinata raised his eyebrows at him, but let him off the hook rather easily. Probably because Kindaichi looked like he was going to fall asleep on the spot. "But you know, Kageyama was pretty worried about you."

"Wait, Kageyama was worried?" Kindaichi narrowed his eyes sceptically. "You sure he wasn't just annoyed at me?" He could picture Kageyama frowning at him disappointedly, with his face scrunched up the same old way.

Hinata sighed at him, which turned into a snort shortly after when Kindaichi unintentionally made the same face that Kageyama often pulled. "Yes, he was worried about you, silly!" He yanked out the futons with a flourish from the fusuma, throwing them at the empty space on the floor where Kindaichi slept.

"I'll make sure to talk to him tomorrow," Kindaichi mumbled woozily, crawling over to the futon. "I just need to get some sleep." He knew that wasn't what he needed, or even truly wanted. What he wanted, however, was to pretend that his problems didn't exist as of now. And he definitely wanted to keep them to himself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Have a nice day and please do leave a comment! It will make my day :D


	12. Confrontation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When Kindaichi woke up buried under the covers, his morning bliss was immediately interrupted by the usual pounding in his head. He didn’t manage to get used to the annoying pain, no matter how often or long it lingered with him. Combined with the dread of telling Kageyama and Hinata about his condition, he knew that it wouldn’t be a peaceful day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So.. It's been a little over a month since I updated ANY of my stories and I'm super sorry! It's not that I plan on quitting this story, I love writing this. Real life's been pretty tiring with orals and school giving me a major ass-kicking, and my drive to write or draw anything just kind of hit a brick wall. And when you're writing for a rarepair, it can seem like you're screaming into the void with so little people reading. This is definitely my longest fic yet and I want to put as much effort into this as I can. Don't worry, this isn't a complaint! I've made so many great friends on here and bonded over rarepairs, and that's something I want to continue doing. If anyone's still reading this mess, I just wanna say thank you so much for sticking with this fic! I'm not too proud of this chapter but I didn't wanna have anyone wait any longer! :D

**23rd of December, 7:02AM**

When Kindaichi woke up buried under the covers, his morning bliss was immediately interrupted by the usual pounding in his head. He didn’t manage to get used to the annoying pain, no matter how often or long it lingered with him. Combined with the dread of telling Kageyama and Hinata about his condition, he knew that it wouldn’t be a peaceful day.

“Hey, Kindaichi. You’re awake, aren’t you?” Hinata poked him through the blankets, urging him to wiggle up into a sitting position. He rubbed circles into the side of his head in an attempt to soothe the irritating ache, avoiding Hinata's concerned stare. Kageyama was already up, unlike most days when he would be snoring away with his stomach uncovered while wearing a goofy expression on his face.

Kageyama shuffled over to Kindaichi, scooting onto the soft, patterned futon. "What's happened? You've been acting strange for so long, you're making me forget how you normally act." It hurt Kindaichi more than anything to hear Kageyama use such a tone with him. Kageyama's words were always straight to the point, with no underlying intent or double meanings. Yet, Kindaichi could discern the concern that was hidden away within the firm voice.

"Sorry," Kindaichi could only muster an apology that made his chest heavier. "I should have told you guys everything much earlier, and I fucked up the opportunity multiple times." His voice shook uncontrollably as he prepared to disclose everything in order, which hadn't started off in his favour.

There was a look of doubt shared between Hinata and Kageyama. Kindaichi had rarely, if ever, cursed while speaking to either of them. Kindaichi could tell that they didn't like where this was heading. Nevertheless, he made the decision to carry on. "I haven't been doing good lately, in terms of health. I thought it would go away, and-"

"Wait, what do you mean? What would go away?" Kageyama interjected, having not fully wrapped his head around what Kindaichi was talking about. His eyes darted around to scan Kindaichi's face, which didn't show any signs of positivity. Nobody in the room wanted to hear about what was to come.

Kindaichi heaved a drawn-out sigh, that quivered about halfway through. "The headaches," he answered in a voice as low as a whisper. "It's been coming and going for a pretty long time, and they're getting worse." Kageyama opened his mouth, then closed it without making a sound.

"Can you not take medications for it?" Hinata asked, and Kindaichi was certain that it wasn't the last one that he would have to provide answers to. "They'll get better eventually, right?" Kindaichi didn't nod or shake his head, which didn't alleviate the growing tension in the room. The air seemed to thin around him, and he forgot how to breathe comfortably.

"My vision's gone weird now," Kindaichi added, almost wishing that his eyesight was bad enough to spare him from noticing how his friends' eyes widened at his confession. "I've talked to Kuroo, and right now we still don't know what will make it better. If anything will, that is." Voicing out his own cynical thoughts didn't make him feel any better. He hated how he sounded absolutely pathetic, and how he recognised how his terminal patients must have felt.

"There has to be some solution to this," Kageyama stated, refusing to believe that the situation was entirely against them. "You're a doctor, right? Maybe you could contact someone who can help!" He suggested, in a determined attempt to bring hope. Kindaichi's lips tightened, Kageyama's words only digging deeper into his chest as he saw the flicker of hope in his eyes.  
Kindaichi shook his head, his brows drawing together. "No. It's because I'm a doctor that I know it's pretty much impossible. I don't even know if anyone in Japan or even the world, can help. Medicine's helpful, but it's not magic." He never expected to say those words aloud, as if he were convincing himself instead of Kageyama.

"Still, isn't it possible to have a surgeon operate on you? It's not impossible, right?" Hinata queried feebly. Kindaichi didn't pay much attention to his exact words, since he had already asked those questions to himself more times than he could remember.

"I don't want it to end up changing my life for the worse forever. Besides, it's not like I'll lead a normal life even if it does somehow make things better. Nobody even knows what exactly the long-term effects will be-"

Kageyama gritted his teeth, his fists curling into balls. Kindaichi couldn’t to notice how furious he looked, and a little... disappointed? Hurt? "So you're saying doing nothing is better? What's the point in that?! Don't you want to take any chance you have?" He flung Kindaichi a series of questions, as if he hadn't pondered over what to do with his life enough times already.

Kindaichi knew the conversation wouldn't end well. He hadn't presumed it to, but what surprised him was that Kageyama, of all people, was challenging his decisions, shaking him up. He didn't know how to deal with it, either. "It's my life, Kageyama. I don’t want to spend the last few months going through operation after operation." He said solemnly. It scared him a lot more when he voiced everything out; it reminded him of the limited time he had before he would be begging for release.

"I don't want any of that crap!" Kageyama grabbed Kindaichi's hand, squeezing it tightly in his grasp. "Sure, it's your life. Fair enough, we know it's your fucking life! But you can't expect us to just accept that you're deciding to not seek help-"

"Don't you think I've looked for a solution?" Kindaichi's voice trembled, fear and frustration bubbling in his chest and creating an ugly, sick feeling. "I don't want to die, okay?! But if it's happening anyway, I'd much rather choose the one that doesn't involve a scalpel to my brain," He spat bitterly.

Kindaichi noticed tears pricking the insides of his eyes. He found it impossible to hide that he was terrified of what was to come. He couldn't bring himself to shake Kageyama's hand off in rage. Breathing seemed to be a much more difficult task to accomplish, all of a sudden. All he wanted was to scream, but at the same time, he craved a gentle touch that would wipe away all of the feelings that choked him up, leaving him shuddering.

“And throw away whatever possibility of getting better?” Kageyama continued relentlessly. “You can’t know for sure if you don’t try!” he grabbed Kindaichi’s shoulders and shook him like a floppy doll, until Kindaichi tried to shove him away with his foot.

That had been the tipping point, for both of them. Hinata’s futile attempt at yanking Kageyama off barely threw them off, and the shortest male’s pleas fell on deaf ears. Kindaichi grabbed onto Kageyama’s shirt tightly, shouting profanities in his rush of rage.

“I tried, Kageyama! And I’ve decided that I don’t want to!”

Kindaichi expected another argument to come his way, but a fist to his cheek greeted him instead. A spark of pain radiated on one side of his face, and Kageyama’s glare faltered for a moment. “Fuck you,” Kindaichi muttered, knowing that he wasn’t going to back down.

As soon as Kindaichi and Kageyama started yanking and hitting at each other’s face and hair, Hinata gave up on settling matters on his own. At least, that was what it seemed like to Kindaichi, who could only focus on his nose that was dripping blood all over the tatami mat.

From what Kindaichi could see, Kageyama’s clothes were stretched to the point of no return, and one side of his cheek was noticeably redder than the other. Kindaichi was in no better condition. His logical self yelled at him to stop his nonsense, but he couldn’t care less about how stupid he was acting.

Tears threatened to spill any moment, blurring his vision. The only reason they hadn’t already was because of his frustration that bubbled inside him. Being unsure of a decision about his own life made the colour drain out of his face, which wasn’t supposed to happen. He was sure about his choices, and yet an emptiness sat in his chest.

“Hey, hey, cut it out!”

Kindaichi and Kageyama had failed to notice several footsteps in the house, until they were being pulled back from each other by multiple arms all at once. Tsukishima, Yamaguchi and some others Kindaichi didn’t recognise pinned him to the wall with a force that was useless to fight against.

“Fucking- let me go!” Kageyama struggled against about four pairs of arms futilely for longer, and Kindaichi could hear him cursing until he was dragged out of the house. He didn’t notice that he himself had gone limp in someone’s arms, but the others seemed to. Even when everybody had stopped holding him against the wall, Kindaichi remained unmoving.

Images of what had just happened spun around Kindaichi’s mind, reminding him of how horribly the situation turned in a remarkably short amount of time. His head began to start pounding again, reminding him of why everything had started falling out of place to begin with.

“Kindaichi, come on, we should go somewhere else.” A familiar voice reached Kindaichi, and upon lifting himself head, he realised that it was Kuroo, of all people, who had come to him. Kindaichi nodded, gladly accepting Kuroo’s invitation. He couldn’t stand to be sitting there helplessly for all to see.

Kuroo gripped Kindaichi’s hand tightly as he led him outside, not seeming to care that the wind was biting into his bare skin. Kindaichi couldn’t have been more thankful that Kuroo wasn’t staring at his sorry state. He followed without knowing or caring where he was going, keeping his eyes focused on the patchy snow that crunched beneath his feet.

“We should sit here,” Kindaichi came to a sudden stop when Kuroo forced him to snap out of his trance. They had come to an area with a rusted roof protecting the ground from the snow, with some pale grass scattered here and there. He lowered himself down against the cracked wall that felt cold against his back.

Kindaichi still couldn’t bring himself to look at Kuroo, his chest choked up with all the words that he wanted to get out. “I’m sorry,” was what he could muster, but it wasn’t nearly enough to express the tangled mess in him.

“That didn’t go so well, huh?” Kuroo muttered with sympathy evident in his voice. Kindaichi suddenly felt a hand resting on his shoulder, and realised that it was the best form of comfort he could get from him. “If it’s any consolation, I’ll do my bit to sort out this situation. You tell me if I can do anything, got it?”

Kindaichi knew he had to speak for himself. “I never wanted it to end up like this,” he muttered, feeling foolish with his choice of words. Of course nobody wanted it to end in a physical fight, and wasn’t he the one who actively took part in it? “I fucked up.” He leaned into Kuroo a little closer, seeking the bit of warmth that he had to offer.

“Here’s what I have in mind. You can stay around at our house today, and we’ll talk about whatever you feel comfortable sharing. How does that sound?”

After giving it some thought, Kindaichi concluded that there was no reason for him to refuse. In fact, it was the best option he could think of besides diving headfirst into the wall and losing his memories. “Great,” he felt some of the weight lift off his chest, and he was finally able to look Kuroo in the eye. Kuroo gave him the most sincere grin he had ever seen him wearing. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please leave a comment or some kudos~ it would really make my day and I will LOVE you forever. Until my next update, toodles! *whispers* or you could come talk to me on my tumblr @hai-cuties?


	13. God Knows

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It was unbelievably dark and silent, Kindaichi noticed first. He couldn’t tell if he was standing or lying down, or even feel his legs at all. When he attempted to raise his arms, he couldn’t see them in front of himself where they were supposed to be. He had no idea where he was, or what he looked like. He only existed somewhere in the void.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sup, everyone. I'm not dead, and neither is this story. It's been over two months and I'm so soooorrryyyy... I blame my sucky health, but the reality is that I got lazy and hit a wall again. But I got a new chapter out at last, YAY! And Oikawa and Suga FINALLY make an appearance again! 
> 
> And guess what? I have theme songs for Kindaichi and Oikawa's side of the story! 
> 
> Kindaichi: Orange https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_oiPEwCiV_0&app=desktop  
> Oikawa: Visiting Repentance https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AKTGYLGWRR0&app=desktop

**Later on that day, 8:45am**

“There isn’t much, but welcome to my humble home.” Kuroo slid the wooden door open, kicking his getas off at the entrance. Kindaichi followed straight after, taking in the faint smell of lacquer that seemed awfully familiar. It was Tsukishima’s scent, he soon realised. Wait, so Tsukishima and Kuroo were living together? Come to think of it, Kindaichi had witnessed them helping each other home a couple of times after parties.

Before he could ask, Kuroo and Tsukishima each shared a look and invited him over to sit at the round wooden table. “We’ve been dating for six months,” Kuroo confessed without changing his look. Kindaichi’s eyes rounded with surprise, but it wasn’t because Kuroo and Tsukishima were gay. They seemed so well-adjusted to each other, despite being together for a rather short amount of time.

“I…see.” Kindaichi settled down opposite Kuroo, resting his arms on the hard surface of the table. “I’m sorry. I acted selfish,” he apologised, his mind flashing back to when Tsukishima had joined the others to break up the fight.

Tsukishima shrugged. “It’s nothing you should be apologising to us for. The only person I even remotely care about in that house is you, anyway.” Kindaichi had no clue whether Tsukishima was saying that as a compliment or not, but being cared about had been a foreign concept to him for a long time. He swallowed down the urge to cry again.

“You’re probably sick of hearing this,” Kuroo sighed. Kindaichi realised that Tsukishima knew about his situation too, seeing as he hadn’t asked why he had a fist fight with Kageyama. “But you’re sure you don’t want to do anything about it? I’ll do anything I can to help.” He offered, but Kindaichi shook his head ruefully.

“It’s fine, but thank you. I’d rather leave my brain alone, and I don’t want to waste anyone’s time if…” Kindaichi swallowed hard, “If I’m going to die anyway.”

Kuroo’s eyes widened, but he said nothing. “Um,” it was Tsukishima who spoke up, earning Kindaichi’s attention. “I’m no doctor, so I can’t put myself in the stance of a professional. But your biggest concern shouldn’t be wasting anyone’s time. If anything, a brain condition’s a pretty good reason to be wasting others’ time, as you put it.”

“Tsukki’s right.” Kuroo added. “Have a think about it, Kindaichi. Talk to us tomorrow, okay?”

Kindaichi blinked, slightly confused. “Tomorrow?”

Kuroo pointed his thumb over to the fusuma. “Yes, tomorrow. Today you’re getting the rest you deserve. It’s time you stop pushing yourself like a dumbass.” Kindaichi frowned. Kuroo was right, and he couldn’t counter his statement. As reluctant as he was, Kindaichi let Kuroo lay out a futon for him.

“Are you sure?” Kindaichi welcomed the thought of resting for the entire day, but he couldn’t help but to feel like he was missing out on his duties. When Kuroo cocked his chin expectantly at the futon, Kindaichi realised that the choice wasn’t his to make.

Kindaichi slipped his body under the covers, relishing the warmth that it gave him. “There we go,” Kuroo patted the covers like his parents used to when he was a toddler. It gave him an odd sense of home, taking him back to his humble house in the countryside.

He stayed put obediently for the next few hours, although he tossed and turned to distract himself from the constant, nagging throb in his head. The calm part of his mind reminded him how horrible he must look, muttering curses as he shoved his face in the pillow.

“Kindaichi, you should at least drink something. If you’re able to, that is.” A soft touch on his head forced Kindaichi to focus on something other than his own deteriorating health. Glancing over to the direction where the contact came from, Kindaichi realised that Tsukishima had made him some warm barley tea.

The toasty drink filled him with comfort when he took a sip. “Thanks, I’m sorry for the trouble.” Kindaichi noticed that the cup had been carefully lacquered, similar to the ones that were used in his house. A piece of him seemed to be back in the cramped house with Kageyama and Hinata, but he didn’t deserve to go back there.

“I’ll leave you alone now. Tell us if you need anything,” Tsukishima said monotonously, and left Kindaichi to finish off his drink little by little. He had learned long ago that human contact when he was sick was something he didn’t receive, but he craved it nonetheless.

As the evening sky darkened, Kindaichi’s overwhelming desire to sleep became too great for him to struggle against. It was too dark to read the clock properly; Kindaichi absentmindedly counted its soft ticks, surrendering himself to the sleepiness and letting his eyelids close.

It was unbelievably dark and silent, Kindaichi noticed first. He couldn’t tell if he was standing or lying down, or even feel his legs at all. When he attempted to raise his arms, he couldn’t see them in front of himself where they were supposed to be. He had no idea where he was, or what he looked like. He only existed somewhere in the void.

An unexpectedly warm gust of wind blew up his neck, sending goosebumps up his skin. Whipping his body around to locate the source of the wind, Kindaichi realised that two white dots of light were floating in the air. The dots moved towards him, and the same warmth was blasted in Kindaichi’s face. _Eyes_ , he realised too late. An inhuman grip tightened around his neck, causing him to choke. He couldn’t hear himself, but the pain was there.

The choking sensation disappeared just as suddenly as it had appeared, but as Kindaichi stared down, he could see the ground start to bubble. His legs were sinking as if he were standing on quicksand, and his arms flailed around in search of something to grab on. The thick black substance was weighing down on his legs, dragging him down until he was waist-deep.

Kindaichi’s senses told him to stay still so that he wouldn’t sink any more, but fear blocked all common sense out. His shoulders felt sticky, and he was swimming in the black, heavy liquid. He wasn't swimming properly, either. Drowning was the appropriate word.

He had no idea what was going to happen if his entire body was submerged in the goo. Probably suffocation, followed by death. He was choking on it now, his mouth filling up with the thickness that felt bitter against his tongue. 

His hands tore at air as he desperately attempted to cough out the tarry substance, but his airway was blocked and his breath was gone. His lungs were bursting, begging for air as the substance burned its way down his throat. He wanted to claw at his face, but he couldn't feel his hands. Everything was fading into the void, including him. He would soon be part of it.

Kindaichi woke up raking his nails down his throat. He forgot how to breathe for a few moments before he realised there was nothing preventing him from doing so. He could barely see his hands gripping the edge of the covers, but the outline was there. He wasn't going to be swallowed up into nothing.

The ticks of the clock were still there, and he could make out the time ever so slightly. It was the start of dawn, when the sky looked like acrylics had been dropped into it. Kindaichi dried his face off with his sleeve, resting the back of his palm on his eyes to shut out the light.

After his instinct told him that it was all right to calm down, Kindaichi's head started to throb. He was forced to lay back down with his face buried in the pillow, until the heaviness would be less of a bother to him. He needed to get to work. His patients needed him, and it wasn't like Kindaichi had no idea of what was happening to him. He had to push through. His arm roamed around to search for his clothes, but he knocked against something smooth and warm instead.

"You think you’re going somewhere?" Kuroo's voice travelled straight to Kindaichi's head, and he groaned at the unexpected noise. "From the looks of it, you didn't have a good night's sleep." The hand that touched Kindaichi's shoulder as it peeled back the covers was careful and gentle enough for Kindaichi to let himself relax.

Kindaichi debated on whether he should speak or not. "I had a weird dream," he muttered, and Kuroo seemed to hear him despite most of his sentence being muffled by the pillow. "It was pretty disturbing, and.. I thought I was going to die." Kindaichi lifted his up head away from the ground, facing Kuroo. So his bedhead was natural after all, he noted.

"Really? Maybe we could ask someone about what'll help. In case it happens again." Kuroo suggested, and Kindaichi realised he had a chance of being put through that again. Maybe every night. And what would he do then? He wasn’t going to have someone by his side and cause them trouble every time that happened.

“Kuroo,” Kindaichi sat up cross-legged, his sloppily worn clothes hanging off his body. “I’m thinking maybe I should get treatment after all.” He could barely see Kuroo’s expression, and he was already half regretting what he was saying. “I know I don’t deserve it after-“

“Yes!” Kuroo cleared his throat immediately after thrusting his fists up in a victory pose. “I mean, you should. I won’t force you to, but it’s better if… you know, if you’re giving yourself the chance. I don’t- I won’t-“

The thoughts and honest opinions Kuroo had kept hidden professionally were spilling out one by one in a strange mixture of words, and Kindaichi felt his chest tighten. “I know. I’m going to give it a try,” he was uncertain if he would look back and want to shout himself in the foot, but he understood why Kageyama became furious at him now.

________

Sugawara waited patiently for his visitor’s arrival, sitting upright when he heard a knock on the door. “Come on in, Kindaichi.” He called out enthusiastically, and the tall man entered shyly. “How’s your day be-“

Before Sugawara could complete his greeting, Kindaichi walked straight into the door frame. A painful thump sounded, and Kindaichi rubbed the sore half of his face while hissing softly. “Sorry,” he stumbled into the room, his face flushed. “My eyesight’s getting worse.” Sugawara could tell that Kindaichi wasn’t joking.

“I heard about what happened yesterday.” Sugawara spoke gently, but Kindaichi flinched nonetheless. “You probably know more about yourself and your reasons far more than I do, Kindaichi.” Kindaichi stared at him uncertainly, not knowing what to expect. “What is it that you’re planning to do?”

Kindaichi rubbed his temple, averting his eyes slightly. “I wasn’t going to seek any treatment, but I decided yesterday that I should try whatever I can before giving up,” Sugawara heaved a sigh of relief, but his attention was drawn to the window instead of Kindaichi when a figure outside it moved.

“Are you going to use painkillers, or look for a specialist?” Sugawara squinted at the window, deducing that it had to be Oikawa after a familiar tuft of brown hair appeared towards the edge. The god’s face appeared as he waved, paler now.

“If there’s one near here, I’ll look for them.” Kindaichi replied. “Otherwise..” As Sugawara listened, he saw Oikawa suddenly drop to the ground. He caught a glimpse of his face, contorted with pain as he clutched at his own clothes. Although he didn’t know what was causing Oikawa to suffer, he could take a fairly accurate guess.

“I believe in you, Kindaichi. It won’t be as scary as you think, I promise.” It was the only reassurance Sugawara could give that would actually help him. He knew himself what not to say to a person who was actively dying. The young doctor looked lost, swaying on his feet.

Kindaichi bowed his head many times, despite Sugawara’s repeated assurances that he didn’t need to. “I’m sorry for troubling you. Thank you for your help.” As he scuttled off, Sugawara shifted carefully over to the window. Oikawa was still there, his knees digging into the ground. His eyes were squeezed shut, and Sugawara was only noticed after a few minutes.

“Hey, what are you doing on the ground?”

Oikawa averted his eyes, letting out a defeated laugh when Sugawara glared. “I think you know what I’m doing,” he threw his legs forward, kicking at clumps of grass and leaves. “Soon, I’m not going to exist anymore. It’s just nature’s way of telling me that.” Oikawa was transparent up to his knees, as Sugawara saw when the god stood up and strolled inside Sugawara’s room.

“It was bound to happen sooner or later, Suga-kun. Don’t think about anything stupid.” Oikawa crossed his arms, plopping down beside Sugawara. “Hey, loosen up! Come on, smile!” He stretched his cheeks comically, urging him to laugh. “Sorry, is it my fault?” 

A part of Sugawara expected the mediocre, everyday conversations between him and Oikawa to last forever. He _was_ a god. Wasn’t he meant to last forever? He was the only one Sugawara could talk to without worrying about infection.

“No, dumbass. It’s not your fault.” Sugawara wiped his eyes, glowering at Oikawa. “I’m just going to miss you. So is Iwaizumi.” He knew the river god and earth god had been bickering with each other, but there would be nothing expect regrets if they never spoke to each other until Oikawa’s disappearance.

“The dumbass is Iwa-chan,” Oikawa pouted, sticking out his lower lip. “But if you say so, maybe I’ll go and talk to him. And _only_ because you say so!” He made a show of moving his hands around, splashing water against the wall as it swirled in his palm. “Later, Suga-chan.”

Iwaizumi was in his usual place that he hung about in; the fifth tree branch on the tree that stood tall and proud beside the shrine. It had been around for at least six centuries, and Iwaizumi could feel the spiritual energy radiating from it. His expression remained stoic as he gently caressed the bark, until the river god bounced up beside him.

“Yahoo, Iwa-chan!”

Iwaizumi’s eyes widened momentarily. “What do you want? I-“ he stopped, his gaze moving downwards to Oikawa’s fading legs. “You’re disappearing,” he touched Oikawa’s shoulder fearfully. It was the same shoulder that Iwaizumi cried on when he needed to, the same shoulder that carried the burden of betraying his family for centuries. It would never be the same in a few months’ time.

“I know.” Oikawa shook his head ruefully, leaning his shoulder into Iwaizumi’s touch. He lazily wrapped an arm around Iwaizumi’s middle, relishing the memory of the old times it gave to him. “A shame, isn’t it? I expected it not to be due for at least a few more weeks, at least. Gosh, I sound like I’m pregnant-“

He stopped. Iwaizumi’s eyes were brimming with tears, and it was the second time Oikawa made someone cry within one day. And for the same reason, too. “Oh, you too Iwa-chan? Oikawa-san is here, here beside you.” He rubbed Iwaizumi’s middle comfortingly. What little annoyance he had left for Iwaizumi had completely disappeared, and he was suddenly gulping back his own frustrated tears.

“Dammit, Oikawa. You’re really crappy, you know?” Iwaizumi clasped Oikawa’s hands together with his own until it hurt. His forehead rested on Oikawa’s shoulder, as tears dripped onto the mellow bark of the tree branch. “I love you, and I don’t want you to go. I’d sacrifice the world for all I care.” _But I can’t and it sucks_ , his desperate eyes seemed to say.

 _It wasn’t fair_ , Oikawa thought. _Professing his love as I’m slowly dying? Iwa-chan’s out of his mind. Screw him._

“Screw you,” Oikawa beat down on Iwaizumi’s chest, even though it hurt for himself more than it did for Iwaizumi. “Of course I don’t want to disappear. I’m your best friend! We’ve been together _since the beginning of fucking time_. And- _and_ -“

Tears streamed down Oikawa’s face freely now, as he sniffled hard to keep his nose from dripping all over the front of his hakama. “I love you too, Hajime.” A hollow, defeated smile sat on his lips. If only it hadn’t taken them this much to break down their walls and spend their remaining time with each other.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please do leave a comment if you like this chapter, it really helps my motivation get kicking!


	14. Wintry Waves

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kindaichi headed back to his home after visiting Sugawara in his room, feeling a boost of confidence after getting reassurances by people who cared about him. It was a mystery how they thought he was someone worth all the trouble, but he wasn’t going to dwell on the voice of doubt that lingered in his mind.
> 
> Kageyama and Kindaichi have a difference in thinking styles.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm in Japan and I have Haikyuu friends yay  
> Hhhhhhigh school is exhausting, but I use the spare time effectively to plan my fics and shit so I'll write more. 
> 
> Enjoy my latest stuff~
> 
> Song for Kindaichi in this chapter that I subbed myself because I'm trash: https://youtu.be/dAvzZSvvzIA

**Later on in the day, 7:27pm**

Kindaichi headed back to his home after visiting Sugawara in his room, feeling a boost of confidence after getting reassurances by people who cared about him. It was a mystery how they thought he was someone worth all the trouble, but he wasn’t going to dwell on the voice of doubt that lingered in his mind.

No later than a moment after he opened the door, Kindaichi was tackled to the ground by a tears-eyed Hinata. “Hey, wait! I can’t stand! Hinata!” He floundered around helplessly on the ground, while Hinata beat down on Kindaichi’s shoulders over and over.

“You absolute idiot, Kindaichi! You… _idiot_!” It took a moment before Kindaichi realised Hinata was actually crying. A ball of orange pressed onto Kindaichi’s chest, wetting the fabric of his clothes. Hinata’s arms locked tightly around his middle, barely leaving enough air for him to breathe.

“I’m sorry,” Kindaichi apologised over and over, before he could figure out why he was being yelled at by his friend. Oh, right- he had caused a scene only a day earlier and left without patching anything up. His words meant nothing to Hinata, seeing as the man only started sobbing louder and choking on his own tears.

Kindaichi frowned, unsure how to handle Hinata’s sudden burst of emotions. It was physically impossible for him to get out of the situation, and he couldn’t remember the last time someone had ripped him a new one. “Hey, Hinata. I’m sorry for what happened. Can you please-“

“Kindaichi!” Hinata interrupted him without warning, yanking his shoulders so Kindaichi was face-to-face with his tear-streaked face. “Don’t ever do that again!” The sudden movements and change in Hinata’s attitude was enough to make Kindaichi frozen on the spot. He couldn’t have overpowered Hinata if he tried.

After a few minutes, Hinata pulled away from Kindaichi to let him take a sitting position. Indents from the flooring marked the back of Kindaichi’s arms and legs, and his back felt like it shouldn’t have been stuck in an unnatural position. “I won’t. I understand if you... don’t want me back.”

Hinata stared at Kindaichi with a perplexed look. “What? _No_. No, I didn’t mean it like that.” He waved his hands around in Kindaichi’s face, scuttling backwards. “You’re not moving out, are you? Right?” Kindaichi stared back in confusion this time. So it wasn’t what Hinata wanted?

“I don’t want you to do that, okay? You… you were thinking I was going to kick you out?” Hinata questioned him, with a look on his face saying he couldn’t believe it. Kindaichi had no reason to stay. He was going to be dead, sooner or later. “Why would you even think that?” Hinata caught onto some of Kindaichi’s thoughts, and tried to shut them down.

Kindaichi dropped his shoulders. “Why… wouldn’t you? I screwed up. You have every right to be angry.” He waited for Hinata to see his point, but he was met with the shake of a head. Hinata opened his mouth, and ran his fingers through his hair exasperatedly.

“And I am angry. But getting you to stay is the whole point, Kindaichi.” Hinata explained, his brows knitted together in frustration. “I was mad because you didn’t come to us sooner, and because…” he hesitated, and let out a deep sigh to collect himself. “Because you weren’t being kind to yourself. I know I can’t do anything to take away the pain, but you don’t deserve to go through it alone. So please, stay.”

Kindaichi stood speechless. Hinata wanted to help him, after what he had done? Was this a prank he was pulling? The sincerity of the man’s expression told him otherwise. “I’ll stay, if you want me to.” He replied, unsure whether he was reacting appropriately or not. “Is that okay?” He added nervously, lifting himself to his feet.

“Dumbass, of course I want you to stay. You’re a friend. We obviously care about you.” Hinata crossed his arms with an “obviously” look on his face. “Come on. Let’s go cook some food, I’m starving.” He turned his back to Kindaichi with a flourish, taking light steps into the kitchen.

A lump grew in Kindaichi’s chest, for reasons he couldn’t put his finger on. It wasn’t the first time someone cared for him, so there was no need for him to react that intensely. And yet, his wet eyes burned with overwhelming emotions. “Thank you. I really appreciate it,” was all he could manage without sounding more pathetic than he already was.

The boiled tofu and vegetables tasted salty all the way through. Food pleasantly filled Kindaichi up, and only then he realised that he hadn’t been able to get anything decent into his stomach for days. Taste mattered less than getting back a piece of home. Even after his eyes were dry, the blurriness remained like a broken camera filter over his vision.

“Did seeing Kuroo change anything for you?” Hinata asked with surprising calm. His food was long gone, but neither of them could bother to put the bowls and chopsticks away. Kindaichi stared into the lacquered bowl cupped in his hands, noticing his distorted reflection. He remained unsure about his decision, and the doctor side of his brain kept arguing with his other side.

“Yeah, I’m…” Kindaichi stopped. Kuroo and Tsukishima had changed his viewpoint entirely, introducing him to ways of thinking besides his own linear, calculated patterns. He could be a burden on others and that was okay, according to them. “I’m going to look for a treatment that might help,” he admitted.

At once, Hinata’s expression lit up. “You’re choosing to do that?” Kindaichi gave an affirmative nod. A gentle arm pressed his head into Hinata’s head, and his hair was played with rather roughly. “I’m so proud of you, Kindaichi! You’re going to get better. You have to!”

Kindaichi was about to retort that his willingness in partaking in treatment would have little effect on whether they worked or not, but he saved it. “I hope so,” he told Hinata instead, but the dread was already creeping up on him. The chances of discovering a lifesaving drug were close to none. There was a higher possibility of him getting experimented on and slowly withering away. In a way, he was signing himself up for that.

The heavy, sinking feeling didn’t leave Kindaichi even as he lay down to slip into a sleep. His headache cancelled out what little relief he got from snuggling into a familiar mattress, and the pain was barely manageable even after he shut his eyes and got rid of the unnecessary stimuli. The food that he had eaten earlier sat uncomfortably in his stomach, threatening to splash against his throat.

“Hey, you okay? Does your head hurt again?” The times his head didn’t hurt were becoming rarer as days passed, but Kindaichi nodded instead. It wasn’t bad enough for it to be his last headache, but bad enough to keep him worried every moment it worsened or let up. “You look awful. Just focus on breathing, yeah?” Hinata knelt down behind him, rubbing his arm in an attempt to lull him into a sleep.

It was a mystery how the rowdy Hinata had turned into a comforting figure in less than an hour. Come to think of it, Kindaichi remembered him mentioning having a younger sister. He was being treated like a younger sibling in a way, he supposed; his older brother was kind to him, but they weren’t the type of siblings that talked about each other’s feelings or comforted each other often.

“Thanks, but I can sleep on my own now.” Kindaichi murmured, finding out that he didn’t need to squeeze his eyes shut as hard to get rid of the light coming through his eyelids. He wasn’t sure how long Hinata stayed beside him to calm him down; long enough to waste his time, Kindaichi thought.

Hinata pulled what Kindaichi could only guess was a frown. “Take it easy tonight, Kindaichi. If it gets any worse, just call me back.” Kindaichi couldn’t make out what expression Hinata had as he disappeared into the darkness, leaving him alone with his headache. He almost called out to Hinata, but decided against it. Even if his headache did get worse, he would only waste Hinata’s time if he forced him to stay with him. He wasn’t a doctor, after all. There was little he could do.

It took Kindaichi forever to pass out, but he knew it had happened sometime during midnight when the morning light shone blindingly between the folds of his futon. For about fifteen seconds, he pondered upon the possibility of his headache disappearing. Within moments, his whole head was exploding, as if to mock him for being so naïve.

Kindaichi sank his head into the pillow, struggling to keep himself in the dark as much as he could. The sunshine made the pain worse, but darkness didn’t make it any better. Waiting it out wasn’t an option, either. The nauseous feeling from the day before was nothing compared to what he was feeling now. It was a matter of minutes before he would be throwing up painfully.

Covering his eyes with one hand, Kindaichi felt around with his other to peel off the covers in a flash. He noticed vaguely the soft fabric hitting off against something hard as he threw them aside, but his top priority was damage control. Gulping back the warm saliva gathering in his mouth, he crawled on all fours while keeping his eyes fixed on a dark spot on the tatami mat.

Instead of out of the room like he had planned, Kindaichi slid straight into whatever his futon had slammed into. “Fuck,” he hissed when the force of the bump travelled straight to his head. Cracking his eyes half open, Kindaichi had to prevent himself from sighing and getting sick. “Can you move for a moment?” He requested, and Kageyama peered into his face wearing an unreadable expression.

“What’s wrong with you? Why are you crawling on the floor?” Kageyama’s questions weren’t asked with ill intent, which didn’t matter much to Kindaichi in his state of desperation. He didn’t appear to understand the situation fully, only further irritating Kindaichi.

Kindaichi didn’t even attempt to push past Kageyama, knowing that it would push his stomach off the final tipping point. “I’m fine, Kageyama. Can you please get out of the way? I-“ a shudder jarred him halfway through, and his hand flew up against his mouth.

If Kageyama didn’t know what was going on before, he definitely pieced everything together right then. “You’re obviously not fine. You’re going to-“ Kageyama sprang up, his head snapping around the room. “Wait here. Aim away from the futon if you can.” A weak glare was aimed at Kageyama after his last comment, which he didn’t take notice of. Scampering off without a second thought, Kageyama came back with a pail from beside the well in the garden.

Although he was extremely reluctant to use the pail, Kindaichi’s stomach flipped to remind him that he wasn’t getting much choice. He barely had enough time to hold it under his chin before he was retching violently. Sharp contractions left him clutching at his stomach, and a drop of sweat ran down the length of his neck.

“Shit, this is not good. Oi, Hina-“ Kageyama let out a ‘tch’ once he realised that Hinata had already gone out for work. Kindaichi made a choked sound in between a cough and a sob, followed by another round of vomiting. Kageyama almost sounded panicked, alternating between wiping the sweat off Kindaichi’s brow and rubbing his back from bottom to top.

Once he felt empty enough to stop getting sick, Kindaichi took the time to stare at Kageyama with his glassy eyes. “You didn’t have to stay,” he muttered. Kageyama was the one person he didn’t want to show his lowly state to. A blow to his pride was what it was. “Fuck, this is pathetic.”

“Water,” Kageyama held out a wooden cup towards Kindaichi, ignoring his previous comments. Kindaichi gratefully used the water to rinse out his mouth, which tasted less foul after he spat it out into the pail. “Do you still feel sick, or are you done?” Kageyama reached out to discard the contents of the pail, which was met with a slap of the hand.

“I’m fine, I’ll do it myself.” Kindaichi argued, lifting himself up shakily with a trembling arm. Even while having an excruciating headache, there were certain things that he could never let other people do for him. His protests were met with a stern “You dumbass,” look.

“Why do you keep saying you’re fine, you’re okay? It’s not even true, Kindaichi. You were throwing up your insides less than two minutes ago.”

Kindaichi bit his lip. “Do you really want me to go there? I’m _dying_ , Kageyama. I can tell you I’m not fine, and I never will be! Is that what you want me to say? Or what, am I meant to cry in your arms?” Kindaichi truly wanted to cry, but he wasn’t going to, no way. Not when he was in front of him.

“Look, I’m so-“

“Just don’t apologise! You know, I’m wasting everyone’s time trying to look for treatment. Nobody wants to care for someone who can’t even work to pay off the rent. You’ll get sick of keeping a living corpse in your house. God, what do you even bother with me?”

Kageyama’s brows furrowed, almost worriedly. “Is that what you’re thinking?” Kindaichi’s breathing became quick and shallow. His rant barely seemed to throw Kageyama off, but he wasn’t surprised. It was impossible to know what Kageyama thought about him, if he cared or not.

“Even if you can’t work, what’s the big deal? You’re already trying harder than anyone else here. If you break yourself working too much, that’s the worst thing that you can do to yourself.”

A laugh almost escaped Kindaichi. What’s the big deal if he couldn’t work? He’d never heard anything so absurd. Kageyama may as well have asked what’s the deal with having no income, no shelter, no food. “Well, I’m not trying hard enough. I’d rather deal with it and have a salary than be counterproductive.”

“Are you stupid? You’re trying too hard, Kindaichi! Keep this up, and you’re going to feel worse and worse on top of… whatever you’re going through.” Kageyama shook his head, squinting at Kindaichi in disbelief. “Hey, how much money have you got in total?”

“Wait, what? Including my savings, or-“

“Including your savings or whatever else you have.”

Kindaichi was thrown off by Kageyama’s sudden irrelevant question, but there wasn’t any reason to keep it private. They would know sooner or later, when it was time to split the money between everyone he knew. “That little drawer over there. Third row, check for a safe.” He pointed to the mahogany drawer that he had brought over from his home. After some digging, Kageyama found a metal box with two dials attached to the front of it.

“Give it here, and I’ll open it.” Kageyama placed the box beside Kindaichi’s arm, and Kindaichi turned the dials after a few wobbly attempts and squinting to read the numbers on the dial. Once the safe clicked, Kindaichi removed a slate in between two planks at the top to open it. It was a trick that only two people had managed to crack that he knew of, and he kept some money in his spare wallet as well.

Kageyama drew back in disbelief the moment he peered into the safe. “What are you saving up all this money for? Do you have something you want to buy?” Kindaichi shrugged as Kageyama’s finger twitched up and down to count the number of notes stacked up neatly. “Whatever. It’s more than enough.”

“I don’t know what I want to do with it,” Kindaichi admitted truthfully. “Wait, enough for what exactly? Do you plan on making me buy something?” He had more than enough to buy a piece of furniture or travel anywhere within the island, but he planned to save it up some more just in case.

Kageyama tossed Kindaichi his clothes, and stripped off his own nightwear on the spot. “We’re going out to the sea,” he announced in such a way that Kindaichi knew it wasn’t up for debate. Before Kindaichi had a chance to look away, Kageyama was already done changing into his casual attire.

“Out to sea? What for?”

“You’ll see.”

Kageyama’s unintentional pun earned him a dry laugh. Kindaichi reluctantly followed Kageyama as he put on his daytime clothes and folded his nightwear on the mattress. “I’ll bring this much. Is that okay?” Kindaichi fished out a couple of notes from his safe, shoving them in his wallet and in his pockets.

“That should be enough. If you have nothing else to prepare, let’s go.” Kageyama made his way outside without waiting for a reply, leaving Kindaichi scuttling behind hurriedly to keep up. “We’ll take the train to the north side of the island. The sea looks best from there,” he explained as Kindaichi speed-walked beside him.

The station was mostly empty, aside from a few businessmen and people holding briefcases to their sides. The train was even emptier, and Kageyama ended up finding a whole compartment that they could have for themselves. Kindaichi sat down beside Kageyama, secretly craving human warmth beside him. He sometimes got motion sick when traveling alone.

“Kindaichi, have you ever taken a day off to unwind?” Kageyama asked curiously. “Not because someone told you to, just because.” He added, and Kindaichi flinched. How Kageyama could hit him with the most difficult-to-answer questions was beyond him.

“I used to a lot, in high school. Not so much now,” Kindaichi shook his head, as if to clear away the bitter memories of his school days. “Once, I got sick on the day of my exams and screwed everything up. My parents pretty much stopped talking to me for a few months,” he let slip. It wasn’t something he was comfortable sharing with someone up until then, but the words kept spilling out in one mess.

“They didn’t believe in me anymore after that. Said I’d never amount to anything.” He continued on with his neutral tone, staring straight ahead at the empty hallway. “And I proved them wrong. But… they also wanted me to be a doctor. I never thought about becoming anything else for most of my life.” It was a strange feeling, putting the strange emotions that he couldn’t get rid of into words.

“Maybe I thought I’d change if I moved out and away to college. I didn’t, as you can see. I’m the same idiot from high school. It just feels like the same thing is going to happen all over again if I stop working. But who’s there to impress, I guess.”

To his surprise, Kageyama listened to his rambling without interrupting him with a strange noise. His chest felt shaky and empty, now that his most vulnerable secret was out there. Kageyama could have done whatever he wanted with it, but he chose to give an understanding nod. “Is that how you’ve been thinking all the time?” He asked, not in disbelief this time but… _pity_?

“It’s the only way of thinking I know,” Kindaichi shrugged, his face blank until a warm arm reached out to hold him by his shoulder. He didn’t know how much he needed it until his eyes stung, and he was gulping back a lump in his throat. Maybe he should have told someone when he was a teenager, or when he was in college and having migraines bad enough to knock him out. Maybe he wouldn’t have turned into whatever sad thing he was now.

“Just… Wow, Kindaichi. I didn’t know.” Kageyama responded, astonished. Kindaichi leaned his head on Kageyama’s shoulder, which was conveniently placed just so it served for the perfect pillow. “Does it still hurt?” He asked about both his head and his heart, gently running his hand up Kindaichi’s head.

Kindaichi exhaled deeply. “Sometimes,” he whispered, closing his eyes for the rest of the ride while breathing in Kageyama’s scent and occasionally listening for the sound of waves crashing against the shore and seagulls letting out shrill cries. For a few moments, everything was dissolved in nature.

The moment of blissful trance ended abruptly as the train screeched to a halt. “Come on, it’s time we get off.” Kageyama pushed his cheek, under the impression that Kindaichi was asleep. With a slow exhale, Kindaichi wobbled off the train to come face to face with a rusty sign beside the platform.

He wasn’t running into anything this time, he thought to himself. The bruise from when he walked into a door frame was still there, faded into a mixture of purple and green. A deep blue stretched right before him, with a deeper, foamy blue underneath. Clouds formed in large clumps, leaving room for sunlight to shine and bounce off the surface of the water. The scenery that Kindaichi had seen when he arrived at the island simply didn’t compare.

“My parents took me here when I was younger, just to see all of this.” Kageyama explained breezily. The salty gust of wind could almost be tasted, carrying the sea’s refreshing smell with it. “It’s a beautiful scenery,” he stated, carrying himself down the stone steps leading to an area of sand and reeds.

“I can see that.” Kindaichi took cautious steps in the sand, even when his shoes felt grainy. Kageyama seemed to know exactly where to step, and Kindaichi decided to follow him as best as he could. The waves crashing against the shore and retreating backwards could be heard clearly now, as it shaped the patterns and swirls on the sand.

Kageyama kicked off his shoes and socks, leaving them on a stable piece of rock beside the steps. Without being told to, Kindaichi copied his actions and lifted his trousers up as far as his knees, rolling them to prevent them slipping down. Pieces of sand and shell gathered between his toes when he took steps down the beach.

Kindaichi expected Kageyama to stride straight into the water, but was taken aback nonetheless when he did it without flinching. It was in the middle of winter, even if the worst was over due to the snow melting and temperatures becoming milder. It was… Christmas. Nobody that Kindaichi knew celebrated it, but it was a special feeling.

“Is it really cold?” Kindaichi asked, his steps becoming less enthusiastic as he reached the transparent, foamy remnants of waves. His question was met with a splash of seawater that Kageyama threw in his direction, which was most definitely _freezing_. “Thanks, I’m one step closer to hypothermia.” He snapped, while Kageyama smirked. He would definitely get what he deserved later.

Kindaichi sat himself down on a dry part of the shore, scooping up the sand in the shallow water. He hadn’t been surrounded with so much _alive_ for a long time. It was all there, reminding him of what he had in common with them all. What he would soon never get to appreciate.

“I wish you told me about this place earlier,” Kindaichi smiled ruefully. “I would have come here more than once, then.” He gripped the sludgy, brown sand in his palm, letting it fall into the water again. Streaks of brown remained on his palm, and he dipped his hand into the sea to wash it off.

“I’ll take you here again, if that’s what you want.”

“If I’m not dead by then.”

Kageyama bit his lip, scooped up some seawater and hurled it at Kindaichi’s face. The man let out a yelp of surprise and cold, but Kageyama took no mind to it. “Just stop talking about dying, Kindaichi. It won’t do anything to change what’s happening right now.” He sighed, the corner of his lip twitching to one side.

“If you’re going to open your mouth, talk about living! You might die tomorrow, next week, in a month. I might die tomorrow. But not now, that’s for sure. You’re alive, and that’s why you can experience all of this. So don’t talk about dying, not when you’re here with me.”

“Are you still mad at me?” Kindaichi asked cautiously. Kageyama gave him a defeated look, flicking his forehead. It was usually more annoying than painful, but it went straight to his head and caused him to groan. “That was unnecessary, Kageyama.”

Kageyama was taken aback by Kindaichi’s reaction. “What? I mean, yeah. I probably will be for a while.” Kindaichi’s face fell. “I’ll stop being mad at you as soon as you take care of yourself properly, and stop worrying about work or rent or whatever else.”

Kindaichi bit his lip, squinting with a dissatisfied look. Kageyama’s request wouldn’t be granted until Kindaichi’s skeleton stopped worrying about funeral costs. “Guess you’ll have to put up with the high blood pressure for a while.” The sea breeze swept a lock of his hair against his ear, letting it sway gently.

As the hours passed, the beach only grew colder. Thick coats weren’t enough to shield the two from the cold, and Kindaichi started to wonder if Kageyama was insane after all, taking him to the beach when the winter solstice had only just passed. “We’ll take the next train. It shouldn’t arrive too late from now.” Kageyama suggested, huddling close to Kindaichi.

The train ride to the beach made Kindaichi drowsy, but the ride back managed to rock him into a calm sleep about twenty minutes in. Nothing hurt while he slept. In a way, he wanted to spend more time sleeping instead of letting responsibilities pile up. On the other hand, he didn’t want to become closer to death earlier than he intended.

“Get up. We’re home.” Kageyama grabbed and shook Kindaichi’s shoulder mercilessly. Kindaichi stirred, stumbling forwards as he attempted to take a standing position. “I can’t carry you.” Kageyama stated matter-of-fact-ly, nudging Kindaichi until his bleary eyes cracked open.

“Is this the north of the prefecture or the south?” Kindaichi slurred, leaning more than half his weight on Kageyama’s shoulder. He could hear Kageyama say something about how he wasn’t going to stay drunk forever, somewhere in a far-off place. He could barely feel his legs moving right after Kageyama’s, and his vision was blurred enough for him to be dependent on Kageyama’s sense of direction.

Kindaichi took off his shoes once he reached the genkan and pushed them to the side, trailing his hand down the wall for support as he made his way inside. “Go to bed, Kindaichi. If you fall asleep on the floor, you’ll stay there.” Kageyama warned.

“Mm,” Kindaichi thought little of Kageyama’s threat as he collapsed into the mattress. He was about to drop off to sleep, but a spike of panic hit him. The last two times he tried to sleep, he either had a nightmare or woke up with a headache bad enough to make him vomit. He wasn’t sure about sleeping anymore.

He slowly lifted himself up, crawling over beside his shelf and feeling up the drawers to get to the right one. “Kageyama, come here a minute.” He called the man over while he rummaged through the second drawer, until he found a package bound in loose string.

“I ended up not being able to give this to you,” Kindaichi handed Kageyama the package, which he had intended to give to him for his birthday. Days had passed since, but Kindaichi knew how happy people became when they were given surprise gifts.

Kageyama accepted the present, slightly confused until he saw the calligraphed note that read “Have a good birthday”. Curiosity spread across his face as he peeled back the paper, which revealed a round glass ball sitting on a curved surface made of cloudy glass that resembled a teal night sky.

“What’s this? I never knew this sort of thing existed,” Kageyama scooped the crafted glass up into his hands, handling it gingerly to keep it from falling apart. “Thanks,” he inspected the coloured part carefully, as if to guess the trick to how it was made.

“My brother gave me something similar for my twelfth birthday.” Kindaichi shrugged. He’d only ever gotten books or stationary, or the common gift of toothpaste for the most part. His brother insisted on buying him something else, that could be treasured and kept as a memento. After a great deal of debating whether to buy something useful in daily life or a little more sentimental, Kindaichi decided to put himself in his brother’s shoes.

“Wow,” Kageyama’s eyes lit up as a child’s would. “Wow, Kindaichi.” He continued making surprised, intrigued noises at the delicate glass in his hands, placing it inside a shelf with a transparent door to make sure it could be seen every day. Kindaichi had never seen Kageyama in utter amazement, and it was a peculiar feeling that warmed his stomach.

Kindaichi stopped hurting for the first time in days. Even without apologies, the heaviness in his chest that he didn’t know existed lifted. He made him vulnerable, but Kageyama was different from the people who belittled him. He could trust the people he lived with, who worked with him. He could trust himself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Leave a comment to tell me what you liked and what I can improve on, please and thanks!


	15. The Rushing Connection

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things didn’t become magically better after Kindaichi and Kageyama put their fight behind them and started to acknowledge each other as friends. The shred of normalcy Kindaichi had been able to take back was immediately ripped from him when all his symptoms would kick him where it hurt. It didn’t make any sense, like he was being punished for something he apologised for.
> 
> A possible beam of light reaches Kindaichi.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I... I'm sorry I left this for such a hecking long time.  
> Here's a long ass chapter to make up for it.

**28th of December, 3:47am**

Brushing past the thick clumps of bush blocking his way, Iwaizumi proceeded to make his way through the grassy area around the shrine grounds. Looking left, then right, then straight ahead, he quickened his pace and spotted Oikawa, lying on the soft patches of grass without a single movement.

“You’re here, huh.”

Iwaizumi crouched down beside the river god, stroking his fringe gently. “Oikawa,” the god remained unresponsive, letting out regular, quiet exhales. He wasn’t dead, but Iwaizumi was still fearful. Oikawa looked less like a god and more like a fragile human, like the dying, sick ones Iwaizumi had seen.

“Hey, Oikawa!” Iwaizumi called out, loud enough for anyone beside him to hear. He wasn’t ready to see Oikawa go, not yet. His torso was already transparent, and soon his chest would be too. And finally, all of him except his head.

“Come on, come on. Please,” Iwaizumi shook Oikawa in a fit of desperation, holding his head with both hands. He wanted to see those brown eyes staring at him, his annoying sing-song tone making fun of him. Oikawa wasn’t meant to be so quiet. Iwaizumi couldn’t stand seeing him so lifeless.

“Oikawa.”

As if Iwaizumi’s prayers had been answered, Oikawa’s face scrunched up and his eyelids lifted. “Hajime-chan?” Oikawa whispered Iwaizumi’s first name, just like he had done when they were children. His hands roamed around air until Iwaizumi leaned in closer, and he clung onto the fabric of his hakama.

“Yeah, it’s me. Hajime.” Iwaizumi gave Oikawa’s head a reassuring pat, reminding him that he was still there for him. Oikawa seemed to keep passing out every couple of days, either from pain or exhaustion. Iwaizumi often found him in the same spot, so that he could be there for him every time it happened. As much as it scared Iwaizumi, Oikawa had to have it worse.

“It’s Hajime-chan. You came for me.” Oikawa’s bleary eyes blinked, his lips forming a tired, lopsided grin. Iwaizumi noticed how weak he sounded, and knew that he had to be in serious pain. It didn’t make any difference whether he knew or not. There was no cure or relief for the pain that tore through his body.

“Shut up. Of course I did.” Iwaizumi growled, with no real anger towards Oikawa in his voice. The day he doesn’t come for Oikawa is the day he disappears, which ironically will happen in the near future. Soon, there wasn’t going to be an Oikawa to lean on.

Oikawa embraced Iwaizumi, half-delirious. “It’s the real Hajime-chan.” Iwaizumi’s heart felt as if it was being stabbed with a blade. He couldn’t imagine how many times Oikawa had wanted him so badly that he was starting to imagine him being there for him.

“How many times has it been happening?” Iwaizumi asked, concern lacing his gruff tone. Oikawa’s unconscious state, or ‘sleep’ as he called it, was something gods didn’t experience. Only humans needed their daily resting period.

Oikawa shrugged drowsily, rubbing his eyes as Iwaizumi held him up. “I don’t know. Maybe five times.” Iwaizumi’s lip twitched at the uncertain reply, knowing that it would be useless to have a normal conversation with Oikawa right that second.

“That’s a lot more than last week.” Iwaizumi finally said, only remembering Oikawa passing out a couple of times when they were together. Now, he couldn’t be left alone for long periods of time before he fell asleep and wouldn’t stir.

“I guess so.”

“Does anywhere hurt? What’s been going on while I wasn’t here?” The questions came out of Iwaizumi’s mouth, one after the other. Oikawa gently brushed Iwaizumi’s cheek with his finger, shaking his head.

“I’m fine, Hajime-chan. Just tired. My head feels heavy.” Oikawa sighed, his eyes closing for brief periods of time. He was fighting off the urge to sleep as best as he could, but his efforts were futile when he was going against a force greater than nature.

Iwaizumi gripped Oikawa’s shoulder a little tighter, as if that would leave him awake for a little longer. “Are you going to do… that, again?” He whispered, reluctant to call it what it was. If he did, it seemed as if he was acknowledging it happening. He didn’t want that.

“Don’t make it sound so sinister, Hajime-chan! It’s just sleep. Humans do it every day.”

“And you’re not a human. That’s the problem.”

“If that’s what happens because I didn’t want you to die, that’s okay.”

Iwaizumi shook his head, slamming his fist into the grass. Oikawa only gave him a rueful smile, not bothering to stop him from venting. “No, Oikawa.” He slapped his cheeks with both hands, keeping his angry tears from spilling down his cheeks. “This isn’t okay. None of this is okay.”

“Iwa-chan, don’t… please, don’t.”

“I hate it! I hate it, I hate it!” Iwaizumi screamed, directing his anger towards the ground. He wasn’t going to blame Oikawa for dying for him. He’d passed that stage long ago. But there was nothing to blame, and he hated that too. If it weren’t for Oikawa right beside him, his only emotion would be dark, twisted hate that roiled around his being.

“You know, Iwa-chan,” Oikawa started, holding the god close to him and rubbing his back to soothe him. “I’ve been dreaming of someone lately.” He announced flatly. “You jealous? Don’t be.” His added commentary earned him a kick to his nonexistent shin. He did deserve that, in all honesty.

Iwaizumi stared hard, unimpressed. “He’s got this dark hair with narrowish eyes. Kind of looks like he has a cactus up his ass.” Oikawa described, while Iwaizumi’s concentration was chipped away with every word uttered. “Sad look on his face, too. I wonder who he is.”

“And you’ve accomplished what now by telling me this?” Iwaizumi asked, exasperated. First he had found Oikawa limp and barely conscious on the ground, and now he was mumbling something about a man neither of them knew. Perhaps the delusions were getting to him.

Oikawa let out a defeated laugh. “Come on, Iwa-chan. Work with me. I’ve probably seen him before, but I have no idea where.”

“You’re not giving me much to work with.”

Oikawa blew a raspberry, realising that Iwaizumi would be of as much help as a stone on the ground. “Whatever. It won’t matter anyway.” He held his tongue before he could mention anything about how he would die anyway, because he would regret it in an instant when Iwaizumi’s fist met his face. Really, he had no idea where his self-deprecating trait came from.

* * *

 

Things didn’t become magically better after Kindaichi and Kageyama put their fight behind them and started to acknowledge each other as friends. The shred of normalcy Kindaichi had been able to take back was immediately ripped from him when all his symptoms would kick him where it hurt. It didn’t make any sense, like he was being punished for something he apologised for.

Right, because that was what he considered normal for a long time. His past aside, Kindaichi wasn’t doing good. His face never had any colour aside from a pale grey, and the headaches became constant instead of coming and going. He could barely see details that were a few metres ahead of him. He’d run into walls if he didn’t trip on every step along the way.

The pain that worsened with every movement and bodily response kept Kindaichi under thick covers. He barely came out unless his needs outweighed the pain, which only happened a few times a day. Painkillers came back up within an hour, and his head would throb even worse.

“Kindaichi, come on up for a second. I need to talk to you.” Hinata nudged the Kindaichi-sized lump, and Kindaichi groaned at the unexpected contact. It was dark enough for him to open his eyes, but he had no idea whether it was night or day. Same tiredness, same lack of sun.

“What’s the matter?” Kindaichi sighed, sitting up to take in the reality he avoided. “Oh,” Kuroo was beside him, holding a briefcase. “Hello, Kuroo-san.” He knew the cardiologist would pay him a visit at some point, but he hadn’t grasped the concept of time within the last few days.

“So I’ve been in contact with an old friend of mine, and he’s really skilled with a scalpel.” Kuroo explained, cutting right to the chase. “Really, he’s amazing. He’d have probably written a book by now, if it weren’t for the fact that he’s a huge moron.” Kindaichi squinted, unsure if he could trust Kuroo’s friend. Maybe he was a bit of an idiot savant.

Kindaichi nodded. “So you’re telling me that he can help?” He asked with scepticism. Getting his hopes up wouldn’t do him any good, but living in constant despair wasn’t any better. “If you can maybe ask him a few questions, that would be great.”

Kuroo smirked, snapping his briefcase open. “I’ve already contacted him. He’ll be here in a few days with his assistant.” He announced proudly, lifting Kindaichi’s mood. “So anyway, he’s actually told me to ask you how you’ve been feeling lately.”

“Like crap.” Kindaichi replied straightforwardly. There wasn’t a good way to describe the brain fog and throbbing in his body. He felt like death itself, except with none of the numbness to go with it. “My head hurts, I can barely see, I can’t eat.”

Kuroo gave an understanding hum, writing down what Kindaichi told him on the corner of some paper. “And does it feel worse at day or night?”

“In the morning.” Kindaichi always woke up in pain, feeling supremely dizzy and sick. He’d tried living off no sleep for a few days, but that backfired. The nightmares came back worse, and the lack of rest brought on terrible waves of pain that didn’t fade with time.

The reality of the situation seemed to have dawned on Hinata, his eyes holding the same fear it did when he saw Sugawara cough up blood for the first time. Kindaichi couldn’t help the guilt that rose in his chest, only extinguishing it at the thought of Kageyama’s words to him at the beach.

“Kuroo, is he going to be okay?” Hinata’s question only made Kuroo and Kindaichi’s expressions darken. Hinata realised he shouldn’t have asked something like that as soon as he didn’t get a straight answer, but it was too late. “Sorry,” he mumbled, scampering off to leave Kuroo and Kindaichi alone.

Kuroo scratched the back of his head, looking around the house. It was a mess, mainly because Kindaichi knocked over something that he didn’t catch glaring right at him. Usually it was an inanimate object. Once, it was Kageyama. “The surgeon I was talking about,” he started, as if he’d remembered something. “He wanted me to take you over to the hospital so he can have some test results when he’s here.”

“Alright,” Kindaichi agreed to leaving his home, for an indefinite amount of time. He knew himself that depending on what results were needed, medical tests could last more than the entire day. “So, when do I leave?”

“Now.” Kuroo handed him a bag made of soft fabric, packed with a few days worth of his essentials. Kindaichi had to find out who made it for him, and thank them later. For now, his top priority was tagging along with Kuroo to make his hopefully trustworthy friend’s job easier. “That’s why I came here in the first place.”

The turn of events was too sudden for Kindaichi to take in, but Kuroo was content in taking the lead of things. “Is it that bad, according to him?” He asked when the two of them were a safe distance away from everyone else.

Kuroo chewed the inside of his lip, stretching out a groan. “From what he’s told me, the sooner we start treating you, the better.” His expression was unreadable in the dark, but Kindaichi could tell that he was concerned. It simply meant that he wasn’t getting much time unless he did something, fast.

It was dim inside the hospital building. The sharp odour of disinfect smacked Kindaichi full-on, causing him to flinch and wrinkle his nose. Footsteps echoed in the corridors as Kuroo hurried to one of the empty rooms, while Kindaichi followed just behind him. “Here, make yourself comfortable. I’ll be back.” Kuroo left immediately to wheel in a bunch of equipment, leaving Kindaichi to sit on the bed by himself.

Kindaichi sat biting his nails as far as it didn’t hurt, his heart thudding in anticipation. If Kuroo really was going to fish him out his lake of misery, he would be forever indebted to him. But Kindaichi knew himself that he probably wouldn’t exist for three decades. He tried not to have hard feelings, but he was failing.

“Hey, Kindaichi. Are you feeling fine about this?” Kuroo asked for confirmation as he pushed a tray full of equipment into the room. The blurred outlines of the many different shapes were dizzying, but Kindaichi held onto his calmness and muttered a “Yeah, I’m fine.” Even if he wasn’t fine, he wasn’t going to wait around for death to take him.

Kuroo assembled the tubes and needles with his quick, trained hands as Kindaichi watched with his useless eyes. He would have helped, if it weren’t for the fact that he would most likely prick his finger and cause additional work for Kuroo with his blood staining half the equipment. He hadn’t seen Kuroo work at his amazing speed since he’d assisted a particularly difficult surgery.

Comforting hands roughened by years of handling equipment took Kindaichi’s arm up, feeling around for a few moments before taking a syringe. “I’m going to take some of your blood now, so I’ll trust that you’ll tell me if you start feeling sick or lightheaded.” Kuroo spoke in his hospital tone, that all doctors Kindaichi knew had adopted. Not all of them dealt with children, but all of them felt like they were at some point. Kindaichi himself had a distinct memory of a patient that threw a stethoscope right smack into his forehead.

A band was tied around Kindaichi’s upper arm before the needle pricked his skin and drew blood. A steady stream of red rose into a tube, which was connected to a small container to be filled. Kindaichi didn’t mind the sight of his own blood or the pain, and his excitement cancelled out the little sting in his arm. He knew he had to calm himself down before his pulse was taken.

“Alright, you’re done. Everything okay?” Kuroo removed the needle, taking care not to cause any pain. Kindaichi wasn’t fond of being fussed over like he was a fragile being, but he kept his mouth shut. “Let me have a listen. Lift your clothes for a moment.” Kindaichi doubted Tsukishima would enjoy Kuroo seeing his body out of context, but he felt too cold and exposed to have a laugh.

The cool stethoscope pressed against his chest firmly, and Kindaichi was sure the sudden sensation would have his heart beating faster. As he tried to regulate his breathing to give Kuroo an easier time, the procedure had already ended. “Relax,” Kuroo soothed him before his nerves got out of control. “You’re doing good. It’s okay.”

As much as Kindaichi hated being worried about, Kuroo’s words could calm just about anyone. Something about the doctor’s aura made him feel safe and comfortable where he was, as if were sitting in a humble library. For a split second, Kindaichi understood why Tsukishima loved Kuroo.

Once the necessary tests were over, Kindaichi had to fight to keep himself awake. His efforts didn’t go unnoticed, and Kuroo pointed to the bed with his chin. “It’s pretty late. Go to sleep, it’ll do you some good.” Kindaichi shook his head, determined to stay awake. “Just don’t fight it. Your body needs the rest.”

“I don’t want to have nightmares,” Kindaichi admitted truthfully. He was scared to close his eyes and see everything happen again, every detail the same as before. Scared to be tormented even in his sleep. It didn’t let him forget about dying as long as he existed.  
“Ah,” Kuroo seemed to recall the one time Kindaichi had waken up in a frenzied panic at his house, and nodded understandingly. “You want to talk about it? I can help you through them if that’s making you uncomfortable.”

“I’m drowning.” Kindaichi explained his dreams simply, for a lack of better description. He shuddered at the memory of his dreams that left him choking, screaming, trying to get it all to stop. “I can’t breathe or walk or see anything because everything’s dark. My parents are yelling at me and I’m not good enough for any college, and… and-“

Kuroo’s hand tapped his shoulder, stopping him in his tracks before he could spiral out of control. “I hear you. Just keep breathing, yeah?” He reassured him softly, staying patient with him until he could breathe evenly again. It helped him immensely, and he was soon able to hold a conversation as usual.

“Everything turns black and gooey, and it’s consuming me until I’m stuck in it and it’s in my throat. And I wake up at around the time I feel like I’m going to pass out.” Kindaichi hated oversharing, but being with Kuroo somehow prompted him to say everything on his mind.

“I understand why you don’t want to sleep, Kindaichi.” Kuroo moved towards Kindaichi, pushing him under the covers. “I’ll stay with you until you’re asleep, then. You’ll be okay.” He held Kindaichi’s hand, and Kindaichi squeezed his eyes shut once he wasn’t scared of what the dark would bring him.

Kindaichi held Kuroo’s hand a little tighter as he drifted off to sleep, his eyes snapping open each time he started getting close to losing consciousness. His head turned to the side for comfort and gave into the tiredness at last, falling asleep before he knew.

“Kindaichi, wake up. He’s here.”

Before Kindaichi could start drowning again, Kuroo shook him out of his sleep. It was bright outside the window, but Kindaichi didn’t feel like he’d gotten a good amount of rest. His head hurt even more at the sight of the light shining into the room in different shapes. He wasn’t sure if he could meet Kuroo’s friend right that second.

“Thanks for last night, Kuroo-san. Thanks to you, I didn’t have a nightmare.” Kindaichi smiled, pushing himself out of the bed. “Can I talk to the friend of yours?” His morning was less horrible thanks to the absence of his usual nightmare, and he wanted to meet the surgeon before his day got any worse.

“Come on in, both of you guys.” Kuroo called out, and a pair of young men marched into the room with varying levels of enthusiasm. They seemed almost as different as life and death, and Kindaichi assumed that the one who looked deathly pale and serious was the intelligent one. The other one, who seemed too eager to meet him, rushed over to his side in an instant.

“Hi, Kindaichi! Nice to meet you!” The energetic one already knew his name, and his unnatural hair bounced with every word that popped out his mouth. “I’m Bokuto! Bokuto Koutarou! I studied Western medicine for a couple of years before returning to Japan!” Bokuto was stopped by the dark-haired man, before he could pull Kindaichi into a hug.

“My name is Akaashi Keiji.” The dark-haired man introduced himself curtly. “I’m Bokuto-san’s assistant. How are you feeling today?” Kindaichi’s mouth hung open. The words ‘assistant’ rang in his ear, and he couldn’t help the shock that ran from his head to toe.

Kindaichi took the time to take in everything about Bokuto. For starters, he didn’t know how one could have hair that was so pale, with dark streaks running up from the roots. He radiated the same chaotic energy as Hinata, and his confident smirk resembled Kuroo’s.

“The headaches are still there, but I’m doing okay.” Kindaichi answered Akaashi, unsure what way the question was being asked. Akaashi looked him up and down without a word, staying silent for a long while. “Is there something strange about me?” Kindaichi finally opened his mouth to ask, uncomfortable with the sudden silence.

“Nope, you’re good.” Akaashi seemed to ignore most of what Kindaichi was thinking, since he was going his own way in examining him. “Bokuto’s given me your test results to look through. Is it okay if we start an operation within the next few days? We want to check what would work best, and carry that out as soon as we can.”

Kindaichi’s eyes widened. He hadn’t expected Akaashi to move things about so quickly, and as far as he knew, nobody was against it. That said a lot about how little time he had left to decide. He was scared and wary of how it would all turn out, especially after his morning had been nothing but surprises. “I mean, if that’s what’s best.” He answered uncertainly, glancing at Kuroo for reassurance.

Kuroo’s expression was completely unreadable, which didn’t help him out much. “I’m going to say this just to clarify, Kindaichi.” Bokuto’s stare seemed to pierce into Kindaichi’s skin. He certainly wasn’t laughing now, and that was somehow more unsettling than having him come in and start hollering.

“I’m not going to let you die. I’ve known you for maybe a few minutes, but you’re mine.” Kindaichi shifted, taken aback by how Bokuto’s demeanour changed completely. He almost took a step back, but he was sitting down and that was reduced to an intimidated twitch. “I don’t let my patients die.”

“No, that’s not meant to be a threat, don’t worry.” Akaashi added, reading Kindaichi’s mind. His expression softened when he saw the nervousness in Kindaichi’s eyes. “Do you want to see your friends tonight? It’ll be pretty difficult to have them around for the next few days.”

Kindaichi swallowed. As much as he didn’t want to inconvenience Kageyama and Hinata any further, he needed the comfort of someone familiar to get him through the night. Kuroo was a great friend, but they both knew he wasn’t the one that could bring Kindaichi a shred of normalcy.

“I’d like that very much.” Kindaichi’s words felt sticky in his mouth, as if they’d pull him back from accomplishing something. “Can they be with me?” Bokuto stuck his thumb up, his face unchanging for a split second before he let out a laugh.

For the rest of the afternoon, Bokuto displayed just how chatty he could be in the space of a few hours, nattering on about his life in the busy west with Akaashi. Kindaichi was concerned about the duties Bokuto was neglecting while he babbled to him, but the surgeon insisted that he was free until winter was over.

“So Akaashi and I usually buy a souvenir whenever we visit a new place, and I tell you, that guy working at the lacquer shop is a piece of ass.” Bokuto blew a raspberry, and Kindaichi recognised the title that Bokuto had conjured up on the spot. He wondered if Bokuto knew what the “piece of ass” meant to Kuroo.

“He literally tapped his own head and went 'You have enough of this, right? Are you sure you’re able to hold a scalpel? Do you even have a medical license?’. Gah, I was so mad. What is his problem?”

Kuroo let Bokuto go off on his own little rant until he was almost steaming from his face. “Guess he really rubbed you the wrong way, huh.” He snorted, pausing before admitting, “He’s my boyfriend.”

Kindaichi saw the colour drain from Bokuto’s face as he choked and spluttered over his words. “Boy- boyfriend? That dude is your boyfriend that you told me about?” He slapped his cheeks with his palms once he realised that he was the one who knew the least about Kuroo’s love.

“Yes. That piece of ass is Tsukishima Kei, he’s my romantic interest and I like him a lot.” Kuroo deadpanned, not offended by Bokuto’s naïve straightforwardness. “Although I don’t agree with everything you just said, I can confirm that he is a great piece of ass.”

Bokuto let out a squawk of disbelief, while Kindaichi’s face burned. “Please keep your intimate details to yourself, Kuroo-san.” Akaashi gently stopped any more unnecessary information reaching Kindaichi and Bokuto’s ears, a move appreciated greatly by them.

“Akaashi, you knew? You knew that Tsukishima Kei was being courted by Kuroo?” Bokuto waved his finger about at Akaashi accusingly, his cheeks puffed out in a pout. “You knew, and you kept it from me? Why? Why, Akaashi? I don’t like being kept in the dark!”

Akaashi didn’t bother holding back his eye roll. “I put two and two together when I remembered Kuroo mentioning his lover being a professional with lacquerware.” He explained, with no surprise behind his eyes. “I had no idea you didn’t know, Bokuto-san. I’ll be more considerate next time.” He continued in his flat voice, ignoring Bokuto’s loud “Aakaashi! Don’t treat me like that!”

“This is why nobody believes you when you say you’re one of the top three medical experts in Japan.” Kuroo jabbed at Bokuto’s wound further, and Bokuto whipped his head around to yell something at him. “Here, give Kindaichi a break now. He looks exhausted.”

Kindaichi’s head wobbled, and Kuroo threw the covers at his head before he could say anything. “Go put yourself in a comfortable position,” Kuroo ordered before ushering Bokuto out of the room. “Thank fuck he didn’t say anything he shouldn’t have.” Akaashi nodded in affirmation before following in Bokuto’s footsteps.

Kindaichi saw Kuroo and Akaashi exchange glances, but couldn’t make out what they were saying. He chalked it up to tiredness, but he could tell that their voices are fainter than they should have been. “Dammit.” He muttered as a white-hot stab of pain gripped his head, pulsing to the rhythm of his heartbeat.

“You need painkillers?” Kuroo asked, and Kindaichi shoved his head under the covers as a no. He was glad that he’d met with Bokuto not a day later. He wasn’t sure if he could tolerate the pain for much longer.

“They won’t work.” Kindaichi willed the pain to go away, hoping to fall into a sleep before the worst wave of pain could hit him. If medicines didn’t work, the other option he had was knocking himself out. He saw the covers and his hands melting into each other, and squeezed his eyes shut before the dizzying sight could make him feel nauseous.

He barely heard Kuroo telling him to go to sleep before he shut out all outside input around him. He felt a wetness trailing down his cheek and realised that it was a tear. It hurt too much for him to hold in his burst of emotions he had been bottling up. He wanted the comfort of his home back, not an unfamiliar atmosphere around him as he slept.

If Kuroo was there with him, he didn’t notice that he was sobbing into his pillow. Kindaichi didn’t want the extra attention on him, but he also craved it. He was drained of his tears soon, knowing that nobody was there to grant his foolish wishes. His cheek rubbed against the damp fabric of the pillow as he slept.

The nightmares came back again. He was drowning again, plummeting down continuously until everything was covered in black goop. His hands overflowed with it, and he couldn’t breathe. He needed to get out of the dream, but there wasn’t any exit for him. Someone needed to pull him out, tell him that he wasn’t drowning.

He didn’t know how much longer he had until the nightmares would consume him. Maybe they were reminding him how close he was to death. His sight was almost entirely obstructed by the thick substance, but a boy- no, a man’s figure flashed in between the patches of darkness.

_If only you hadn’t spotted me._

It was as if the figure was directly speaking to his heart, instead of projecting his voice at him. Kindaichi shivered at the intensity of the man’s tone. It shook him to his core, making him feel like he had somehow done something very wrong. A laugh slid past his ears like rushing water, gone as soon as he heard it.

_If you hadn’t meddled with all this, none of us would have to suffer._

Kindaichi had tried to ask why, but his mouth was filled with the tar. He hadn’t meddled with anything. He just wanted to live his peaceful life on a remote island, away from everything that threatened his comfort. He couldn’t say that. He could only chant like a mantra in his head that he was sorry, he hadn’t tried to make anyone suffer.

“Kindaichi!”

A low whisper jolted Kindaichi out of his sleep. He immediately grabbed at the air, clinging onto whoever it was that had come for him for dear life. “Kuroo?” He muttered, tightening his grasp on the person’s clothes. He wasn’t scared with someone else present, but the aftereffects of his nightmare stayed.

There wasn’t any noise from the other person, just Kindaichi’s shaky breathing muffled into soft fabric. Rough hands caressed Kindaichi’s hair, embracing him towards warmth that felt familiar. It wasn’t long before Kindaichi melted into the touch, exhaling deeply as his panic died down. He knew the scent that wrapped around him when he inhaled. It smelled of home, and the futons laid out at night.

“Kageyama?”

“…No.”

The voice that answered wasn’t Kuroo’s. An obvious lie it was, but there wasn’t conversation from either one for a while. Tears of relief dripped down Kindaichi’s cheeks. “Kageyama,” he called out, as if to cling onto his presence. The fear he had bottled up spilled out in loud sobs, with huge droplets cascading onto Kageyama’s clothes.

“It was just a nightmare. Nothing’s going to hurt you.” Kageyama soothed Kindaichi calmly, patting his back rhythmically as if to put an infant to sleep. Kindaichi’s arms wrapped around Kageyama’s middle, squeezing the comfort out of him. “You’re okay.”

Kindaichi only sobbed harder, his voice coming in soft whimpers. He didn’t attempt to hide his tears. Kageyama’s comforting hold was enough to tell him it was okay, it was okay for him to cry and let it all out. He hadn’t been held like he was a precious object for years. It was stripping his outer shell off, revealing all his soft, insecure spots.

“It hurts, Kageyama.” Kindaichi whispered, knowing that Kageyama didn’t have control of his suffering. He knew it was a selfish move. Kageyama couldn’t do anything to take away his pain, but Kindaichi could make him stay a little longer. “Please, don’t go.”

“I won’t go,” Kageyama held Kindaichi tighter, running a hand through his hair. “Are you sure you want me around, and not… anyone else?” He gesticulated with one arm, and Kindaichi shook his head. “Not even your parents? Don’t you miss them?”

“ _Especially_ not my parents.” Kindaichi hissed, wiping off his face in a haste with his palms. “They don’t have to know about any of this. I don’t want them to, so that’s that.” He muttered, a sharp edge to his voice. He didn’t need his family as he died, he tried to convince himself. He didn’t need that much extra to stress about.

Kageyama raised an eyebrow, then brought them down into a frown. “Why?” He asked, no malicious intent behind his words. “Have you not been on good terms with them since… since…”

“Since high school.” Kindaichi finished Kageyama’s sentence, remembering their conversation on the train. “I just didn’t want to live my whole life trying to impress people. Hell, I didn’t want to spend my whole stupid childhood trying to prove myself smart. I just wanted to go outside and read lame picture books.”

“Yeah,”

“I clung to studying because it was the only thing I had left. But I couldn’t do it, after all. I wasn’t good enough. I couldn’t make my family proud. Why would they even want someone useless?”

“Hey, stop that.” Kageyama intervened, grabbing Kindaichi’s shoulders to prevent him from spiralling. “You’re not useless. Look, you’re a doctor. And a damn good one, too. Don’t be talking yourself down like that.” He attempted to console Kindaichi, but he was spiralling out of control.

“If they see me like this, what else are they going to think?” Kindaichi shouted indignantly. He was meant to look after his health, not ruin it to the point of near-death. He didn’t need to be told something he already knew. He’d had enough of the thoughts that cut into him on mornings he woke up from nightmares.

“They’re going to feel bad for you, if anything.” Kindaichi froze up at the thought. It didn’t make sense playing out inside his head, his parents feeling bad for him. They didn’t feel bad for him when he collapsed of a fever outside. They didn’t feel bad for him when he got sick during his exams. Just because he had a chance of dying, would they really take pity on him?

He didn’t know. He preferred not to. “So they’d only feel bad for me if I were dying? If that were the case, I don’t want any of the pity. They didn’t even want me when I was healthy, and now that I’m dying, all of a sudden I have more value. Am I only worth something when there’s something wrong with me?”

“God. I’m sorry. I didn’t want you to see me like this.” Kindaichi fell limp in Kageyama’s arms once he felt empty enough to stop ranting. He wasn’t trying to burden Kageyama with his uncontainable emotions just before his surgery. “It’s- I do miss them. Doesn’t mean I _want_ them.”

Kageyama’s mouth hung half-open. “I think I understand what you mean.” He replied, uncertainty lacing his voice. “Of course, I don’t know what you went through, or how that felt. But I get that this isn’t easy for you.”

Somehow, Kageyama’s words lifted the weight off Kindaichi’s chest more than any sort of pitying kindness. “Everything’s happening too fast. There’s so much going on.” He blurted out, pulling back from Kageyama’s embrace but keeping one of their hands locked together.

“Yeah,”

“I’m sorry for that time I lost my shit at you,” Kindaichi apologised quickly, his words tumbling put on impulse. “It wasn’t what I should have done. I was scared and I acted stupidly. Well, it’s not like I’m over my fear of the whole thing in general, but I guess I don’t have much time to process it.”

“That wasn’t your fault. I’m sorry for that too.” Kageyama’s brows knitted, and Kindaichi nudged him with his elbow in an effort to make him loosen up. They hadn’t hugged for the past ten minutes for their conversation to end on an awkward note.

Kindaichi yawned, stretching his arms out on the sheets. “I should probably be sleeping, but I’ll be doing that for hours later on. You wouldn’t mind… keeping me company?” He suggested, with a moment’s hesitation. Without waiting for an answer, he closed his eyes while leaving their fingers intertwined, daring Kageyama to let go.

* * *

“Right, Kindaichi. I’m probably not going to do anything drastic this operation, but I’ll do the best I can to remove the source of the problem. There’s only so much your body can take, I’m sure you know.” Bokuto explained, preparing the anaesthetic to knock Kindaichi out into a deep sleep.

Kindaichi’s eyes remained wide open, surveying his surroundings to make sure he wasn’t missing anything. “I know,” he was feeling far from confident, but they had gone past the point of quitting and calling it a day. Kindaichi hoped that he would be out before the panic overtook him.

Bokuto nodded reassuringly, allowing Kindaichi to shift around until he was comfortable laying down in the narrow bed. “Inhale this, and count to ten in your head.” The moment Kindaichi took a deep breath to take in the anaesthetic, he felt his mind being wiped clean. He remembered the words said to him vaguely in his head. Count to ten.

The counting went up to four before the blankness was getting too loud for him. An overwhelming urge to pass out dulled his senses, and the numbers weren’t making sense in his head anymore. He stopped attempting to count. It got a lot more peaceful inside his head.

A force akin to gravity was pulling him down, down into a blank silence. Time lagged behind like thick goo, the concept thrown out the window as everything took effect all at once. The dizzying sensation too, had faded; it was just nothingness from a certain point on. There was nothing left for him to feel.

Kindaichi’s senses seemed to hit him all at once when he opened his eyes to a too-bright room. There was muttering going on beside him on the left. On the right side, it didn’t feel like he was on dry land. He was underwater, and everything was muffled.

When the couple of figures noticed that Kindaichi was conscious, they immediately made his way over to talk to him. They seemed to be saying something, Kindaichi could tell, but they were underwater too. He couldn’t tell what was being said to him. He attempted to lift himself, with no fruitful results. His arm felt like the bones had been pulled out.

“How do you feel?” was the sentence Kindaichi could finally understand. He didn’t exactly feel refreshed, but the relief was a pleasant sensation to wake up to. Relief that he was still there, alive. It didn’t seem like much time had passed, but it had to be a few hours, at least.

When Kindaichi opened his mouth to speak, the movement caused a burning in his throat. His chest was heavy with an unpleasant, queasy feeling that only worsened as he dragged his body into a sitting position. “Like I’m going to be sick,” he muttered, hoping that he got to convey the urgency of his situation.

After he emptied his stomach contents into a bowl pressed into his hands, the heaviness sticking to his chest was gone and he felt a lot better. “How- how did it go?” His voice was hoarse and raw-sounding, but his thought process was clear enough to understand the expressions and tones of voice around him.

“I’m sorry,” Bokuto’s words sank into Kindaichi’s chest. Waking up to having a doctor apologise was never a good thing. He gulped hard, preparing himself for the truth he didn’t want to hear. Was it progressed so much that it was impossible to operate on? Was it some mystery condition that would be named after him?

“We couldn’t find anything there.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comment and kudos please! I love you all!


	16. Not even God

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When what's supposed to be there isn't there, two tales of hurt and desperation become intertwined.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! It's been over... three months... Gods, I was scared I'd greet the new year before I updated this.  
> I hope you enjoy it!

“Nothing there?”

Kindaichi repeated shakily, snapping into reality from his drowsy state. It couldn’t be. There couldn’t be nothing. It was real, the pain and fading vision. _He_ was real. He still couldn’t see anything beyond a few inches from his face. His heartbeat thrummed in his head worse than usual.

“No. I’ve looked everywhere, but… nothing.” Bokuto wasn’t lying. He was almost just as upset, slumping forward so much that Akaashi appeared taller. Akaashi only gave him a grave nod. Kindaichi could feel his mouth drying up.

Kindaichi’s world was collapsing in on him. He would have understood if he had a disease in its terminal stages, but being told his suffering had no apparent cause was a whole other problem. If there was nothing, then _why_ had he been hurting so much? _Why_ was he spending his best years dragging himself through every day?

“Is there any way I can get better?” Kindaichi asked, not knowing how he’d ever get an answer if an invasive surgery left him in a dead end.

To his surprise, Bokuto gave a slight nod. “There’s just this one possibility, but we have to see what happens tonight. I had Akaashi run some tests, and depending on what the results give us, I can tell you what’s going on.”

“So… You’re suspecting something.” Kindaichi kept his tone neutral. He couldn’t bring himself to get all hyped over something that he wasn’t sure of. He was going to prepare for disappointment, and if he got lucky, he would be pleasantly surprised.

“If you put it that way, yes. But the thing is, I’m not sure you’ll believe us.” Akaashi interjected calmly. “It’s an almost nonexistent condition, if you can even call it that,” he pondered over his words, scratching his head in frustration. Kindaichi didn’t have a good feeling about the way Akaashi seemed to pick and choose his words carefully. Hopefully they wouldn’t say anything outlandish.

“But well have to wait a few more hours. If what I’m thinking will happen, we’ll tell you everything we know. If it doesn’t, I’ll have to think of something else.” Kindaichi knew that what Bokuto said was doctor code for ‘You’ll suffer with knowledge or without knowledge’.

Kindaichi took a deep breath. “Supposing the worst case scenario were to happen,” he proposed, holding his fingers together. “How long would I have left, do you know?”

“It’s unlikely, but there’s a chance you might die tonight. I highly doubt it, but there’s no complete guarantee in anything now.” Akaashi announced flatly, sounding somewhat impatient. Kindaichi convinced himself it wasn’t because he was waiting for him to die.

“Guys,” Kindaichi spoke up, surprising himself with how calm he sounded. “If- if there’s even a possibility, I want to see my friends before tonight. I want them with me.” He admitted. He couldn’t care about being selfish, when there was a chance he couldn’t hang onto a self for long.

“Sure,” Bokuto glanced at Akaashi before giving the okay. Kindaichi suspected that the one who was really intelligent was Akaashi, but he kept his mouth shut. He did depend on them for survival, in many ways.

Eating wasn’t exciting, but it was the one thing that kept Kindaichi distracted. He chewed on a piece of undercooked carrot for longer than he needed to, sapping it of all its flavour and grinding it to tiny fragments in his mouth. He felt sick, but he was determined to keep the food down.

Kindaichi lay down with his empty bowl cast aside, willing the pain to go away. His discovery that was supposed to change everything he knew about himself didn’t take away any of his discomfort. The ache inside his head scraped at him, like a miserable wail that never left.

The first to come was Hinata. Kindaichi exchanges a wordless embrace with him, needing no words to seek comfort. It helped tremendously to have him by his side, while he waited for Kageyama to arrive. “You know, Hinata, I still remember how we met back in summer,” Kindaichi mentioned fondly.

“Go on,” Hinata nudged in Kindaichi’s direction with his chin, a faint smile crossing his lips.

“I was trying to get to my new workplace, and all of a sudden you came crashing into my life with a bunch of flowers.” Kindaichi laughed dryly. “And all of a sudden, I’m being dragged into the whole roommate thing between the three of us. You really made an impression that day.”

And when Kindaichi closed his eyes, the vivid memories of his first day at work came floating back to him. Meeting Hinata, the treacherous journey to the hospital, encountering Daichi and Sugawara. He could remember the expressions Kageyama and Hinata had after Daichi had smacked them for bickering in the hospital room about the right way to eat fried eggs.

“It was such a disaster,” Hinata nodded. “And I’ll bet Tsukishima said something nasty about me at the hot springs.” Kindaichi remembered that too, but chose not to mention it. Tsukishima often said many colourful things about Kageyama and Hinata, and Kindaichi just so happened to be present for a lot of them.

“And you called Kageyama sweetie!”

Kindaichi grew red at the sudden accusation. It was true, but without the proper context, he knew it sounded strange. “Yeah, you did call me sweetie.” A voice from behind made Kindaichi jump, then roll his eyes.

“It’s so lovely to see you, _sweetie_.” Kindaichi groaned, fanning himself for added effect. “I thought you’d never come here to talk about all the fond memories we have.” He didn’t spare the sarcasm in his tone, but he meant it when he said good memories. Over two decades living his life, Kindaichi had enjoyed the time he had on the island more than the rest of his memories put together.

“Oh, like that time we threw a snowball in Tsukishima’s face.” Kageyama grinned a lopsided grin, giving off the impression that he took pleasure in the suffering of the tall crafter. Kindaichi knew his assumptions were correct. “But why are we talking about this now, Kindaichi?”

Either Kageyama was genuinely clueless, or he simply didn’t care for the sentimentality, Kindaichi didn’t know. “I just wanted to be reminded of the good times. Just in case I don’t make it past tonight,” he admitted, rubbing his eyes exhaustedly. “I want to be able to say I don’t regret coming here.”

“Doesn’t it make you… sad?” Kageyama mumbled, choosing his words carefully. He didn’t intend to upset Kindaichi the way he did a few weeks ago. “I don’t like this. I don’t like the idea of not being able to see you again.”

“I don’t know,” Kindaichi muttered. It was all too confusing for him to take in at once, and he was convinced that he wasn’t going to die that night, although he felt the threat still being imminent. “I’ll still be here tomorrow. For some reason, it just seems that way.”

“Kindaichi, you’re gonna be okay. You have to be!” Hinata was almost pleading him to tell him he would be fine, but Kindaichi couldn’t say anything. He couldn’t give false hope to Hinata or himself. “You’re gonna become an even better doctor and help the people on this island!”

Kindaichi had always wanted to be a doctor, although his reason had changed over time. “That was my dream in college,” he whispered fondly. College was one of his happiest times. Free from judgement that crushed his resolve, he was in an environment where he could flourish. “I made my friends there. My first real friends.”

He hadn’t written to Kenma or Terushima within the past few weeks. He wondered how Kenma’s humanities studies were doing. He didn’t know whether Terushima got to become a carpenter under his father. He missed his family he had in college. They supported his dream and strengthened his mind, reminding him of why he had come this far.

“My parents wanted me to study medicine,” Kindaichi admitted, recalling clearly how he’d been made to overhear conversations about how fulfilling and great it was. He was young and impressionable, and all he wanted was to make his parents proud of his accomplishments. “But I ended up choosing to study it for myself. I’m not them. I’m me.”

It took him long enough to differentiate his parents’ ideals and his own, but he’d done it. He was an adult. He could travel anywhere he wanted, and study anything that interested him. He could have fun just for the sake of having fun, not just to reward himself for something he’d done.

“People are always in one of their weakest states when they’re sick, and that’s natural.” It was such an obvious statement, but it really rang true to him when nobody was there for him in his second year of high school. “I didn’t want people suffering on their own, like I did. It’s horrible. It’s lonely. And if nobody’s there to listen to them and believe what they say, I wanted to be the one there for them.”

“It’s time. We need you on your own.”

All three of their heads snapped around to see Bokuto and Akaashi at the door. They hadn’t heard any footsteps approaching, but they were definitely there. “Kindaichi,” Kageyama caught Kindaichi’s attention, holding their hands together for a second. “Tomorrow, I’ll be there.”

That was all Kindaichi needed to hear before Kageyama left. There was so much that he needed to let Kageyama hear, but he didn’t have the time for that. He only had time to cast a longing gaze at the door before directing his attention back to Bokuto and Akaashi.

“There’s no good way to start this.” Bokuto side-eyed Akaashi before continuing. “Have you heard the mythology surrounding this island?” What came out of his mouth was something Kindaichi didn’t expect at all.

“The mythology? The one with the Gods trying to sacrifice a young God?”

Bokuto and Akaashi nodded, their movements synchronised to an unnerving degree. “So you do know about it. Well, when the River God created a barrier between his world and your world, some other gods were shunned out of his world too.”

“I don’t understand.”

Kindaichi let out a dry laugh. He’d been handed over to the best person, according to Kuroo, and this was what he got. He had clutched at straws just to get a children’s fairy tale. Maybe he was finally going to go insane, with no hope left for him. Maybe the only option left for him was to hope for a better future after being reincarnated.

“A God is dying.” Akaashi touched Kindaichi’s forehead, and his headache came roaring back. “And you are, too, because of him.”

“What in the world do you mean, because of him? I’m not a god. Never was, never will be. You guys are not making sense at all!” Kindaichi shook his head, desperate to get them to snap out of whatever state they were in.

“His presence is with you, Kindaichi. For whatever reason, you and the God are connected. I’m sure he’s spoken to you in your dreams.”

“How?! How do you even-“ Kindaichi halted. His dreams. Everything was falling into place, much to his chagrin. The voice inside the black substance that drowned him as he slept. The despicable presence that killed him even in his unconscious state.

He bit his lip, still not buying the talk of the Gods all of a sudden. “Well, to hell with whatever God is fucking up my dreams.” He growled bitterly. “What do they want me to do? Build a shrine and pray for forgiveness?”

“Akaashi’s a God too. The God of Death, at that. He knows when things are dying nearby, and suck the life out of small things.”

No sooner than Bokuto explained, Akaashi nodded and pointed to the vase on the window ledge. Its contents wilted away, the plump petals full of life turning into a rotting brown. A sick, twisted terror filled Kindaichi’s voice, observing the life inside the vase disappear into oblivion. Was that what would happen to him?

“Gods don’t exist. They’re folktales to entertain clueless children.” Kindaichi shook his head defiantly. He wasn’t buying the outlandish tale presented to him. No matter how desperate he was, he wasn’t going to cling onto a fantasy to escape his fate. It was against everything that he stood for as a doctor.  
  
“Gods don't exist, and you're not gonna convince me otherwise. If there's truly a god watching over me, I'd like to ask them what the fuck I did wrong in my life,” Kindaichi grunted indignantly. He rubbed his forehead, noticing the ache intensify as he spoke.

“Kindaichi, listen-”

“No, thank you. I’ve had enough of listening.”

Kindaichi exhaled sharply, digging his nails into his skin. Before he could get another word in, a sudden wave of crushing pain erupted inside his skull.

The pain in his head was nothing like he had ever experienced before. A white hotness burned him from inside out, scorching the back of his eyes. He was gagging from the pain, and his body reeled forwards. This was it. It was all going to be over, it had to be. He had put up with the pain and uncertainty long enough.

He hadn’t had a chance to say goodbye to anyone. He wasn’t supposed to go away like this. But he could understand that he wasn’t going to survive through it.

He had heard that when people die, their lives would flash in front of their eyes. Kindaichi found that partly false. Various sceneries and faces floated by and disappeared, but he didn’t know any of them.

A small boy spilling angry tears. Kindaichi couldn’t comfort him. The fatigue grasping his chest was too much, and he couldn’t keep his eyes open. It was painful to stay awake, and he wasn’t going to sit through memories that weren’t his own. The boy was resting his head against his shoulder, wetting the fabric of his clothes.

Clothes. Kindaichi wasn’t wearing the loose gown he had on a moment ago. Instead, what wrapped around his body was a striped blue hakama, large sleeves dangling as he raised his arms in disbelief. Getas were on his feet, that seemed to have walked all the way from somewhere far. Somewhere that was too far away from where he was to travel by foot.

“We can’t stay here. It’s not safe.”

Kindaichi wanted to tell him that he couldn’t move anymore, but his body wasn’t his own. His hand, paler than it should be, grabbed the boy’s arm, and his burning legs broke into a run. Was he dreaming? His senses told him that it was all too real for it to be a dream. The scent of grass that became squashed under his getas as he ran, the rushing of water in the distance.

Roars and yells came behind them. “They’ve noticed. We need to get out of here!” The boy said, even as they bolted down somewhere Kindaichi didn’t know. The direction he was going, why he was running, what he was- no, they were running from, everything was a mystery.

He didn’t know anything about what was taking place around him, but the body that wasn’t his told him otherwise. His legs carried him in the direction he was oddly confident about heading in. The thrumming in his heart told him to keep going, to get somewhere far away.

“The boat. We can use the one on the river bank.”

Kindaichi was speaking, but it wasn’t on his own accord. His voice was higher, and more melodic if he could speak in a light-hearted situation. Brown bangs swayed on either side of his face, flapping about wildly as he stomped through the tall reeds to the river.

The boat was about the same length as the height of the boy beside him. Kindaichi had no idea if his height had changed too. There was nothing familiar enough for him to compare it to. Wooden, he noticed. It was a pale, kind of creamy shade of brown.

On the bow, there was a symmetrical pattern that seemed to depict a sort of offering, or a sacrifice. It was a deep blue colour that reminded him of the sea, just where it started to get deep and lose its clear look. What the blue substance was, he couldn’t tell. But it had to be some sort of waterproof medium, maybe a special kind of dye.

Kindaichi felt his body jump, and he landed in the boat a little rougher than he should have. It didn’t topple, surprisingly. The water seemed to catch him, smoothing out from under. He could find a warmth in his chest that adjusted to all the wavelengths of the water in the river. The river was his territory now, and he had the upper hand.

The boy leapt in right after him. The river caught him too, exactly the way Kindaichi wanted it to. He grabbed the oars before Kindaichi could, but it wasn’t like he needed them anyway. Without any paddling, the water started to flow at an abnormal rate. They were pushed by the rushing river, although Kindaichi didn’t feel that the river was pushing him. It almost seemed like he was pushing the river.

They carried on, sweaty and red-faced. The boy beside him never faltered, arms swinging rhythmically back and forth. Kindaichi concentrated on the river, praying for it to flow faster and faster. The concentration took a lot out of him. If he broke it for even a second, he was sure that both of them would go flying.

“Duck!”

A surge of fire passed over their heads, just as they dipped down. The embers singed their hair, and the sharp burn of smoke reached their noses. “They’ve found us. We can’t go on.” The boy shook his head. “How are we going to get out of this one?”

“ _Try!_ We have to try first. We’re still able to go on, aren’t we?”

More fireballs came hurtling towards them, but Kindaichi realised that he wasn’t being targeted by them. It was the boat. The wood was already charred at the starboard, and if he didn’t make a move, the boat would be falling to pieces.

His arm jerked upwards, reminding him that he wasn’t in his own body. He was in someone else’s, with zero control over the situation and his movements. He squeezed his eyes shut for a moment, until a cold rushing sensation gathered in his palm. The sensation could be likened to gripping ice, and his fingers twitched from the chill.

Water. There was water bursting out from his palms, hurtling towards the fireballs. The masses of flame disappeared upon impact with the blasts of water, and Kindaichi swallowed. He was creating water out of nowhere, manipulating it exactly how he wanted. It had to be some elaborate dream, a dream that he had unknowingly slipped into.

But even with his newly acquired powers, the situation wasn’t heading in a direction that he needed it to. As a gust of unexpected wind almost made him lose footing, the boy dragged him down into a sitting position as he balanced himself with one arm. In that short moment, a blast sounded right beside him, violently rocking the boat.

“Shit, we’re so going to be caught. Just hand me over, it’ll be a lot quicker.”

Kindaichi’s arm reached out to chop the boy’s head swiftly and stroke his hair softly. “It’s okay,” the unfamiliar voice said. “We’ll just go somewhere that’s not here.”

A gush of energy filled him up, so much that he felt he would overflow. His joints throbbed, and a hot wave carried through his face, anticipation keeping his eyes wide open. When he opened his unconsciously clenched fists, a thin membrane coated his palms.

The membrane grew in size, resembling a somewhat squashed soap bubble. “Oi, what are you doing!?” The boy screamed at him, and Kindaichi wanted to scream that he didn’t know either, he had no idea what he had gotten himself into or why his arms were stretching out to form what looked like a portal. It emitted a poisonous deep blue glow, but it was less dangerous than having balls of fire hurled at his charred boat. Most likely.

“Come on, Iwa-chan. They can’t get us if we get into a world that’s not ours. We can just find another world that welcomes us, since we can’t stay here anymore.”

Kindaichi could feel his lips tugging into a sad smile.

“So what, you’re going to drop into the human world?! You can’t just do that! You’re going to _die_ , Oikawa!”

The boy referred as “Iwa-chan” called him a name that wasn’t his own. So maybe his new body was going to die too, after all. He wasn’t as shocked as he should have been. As if he’d already seen it coming. Maybe it was the water manipulation that came to him out of the blue, or the beating in his heart that felt too abnormal to be human.

“It’s okay. The other gods aren’t all against us. They’ll be with us, and with you, even after I’m gone.” Without wasting another moment, “Oikawa” withdrew his arms and grabbed the boy’s arm. “We don’t have much choice left. And I’d rather die than live knowing I could have saved you, but didn’t.”

Before he even got an answer, Oikawa dove into the freshly-made portal, the other god’s arm still in his grasp.

Gravity dragged them down immediately. The wind billowed right through their hair and chilled the skin on their faces. Exhaustion took the god’s body over, leaving him to fall through the air. It was night, and the dark, crisp air along with the scent of leaves reached them. The whisper of wind flitted past their ears, but besides that, there was nothing that reached their ears.

The fall was abruptly stopped, but there was no telling what it was.

Kindaichi wasn’t “Oikawa” anymore. He wasn’t in someone else’s body. It was his skin tone, his darker hair, his…

He wasn’t wearing anything, and neither was the person opposite him. His surroundings had completely disappeared, leaving him inside a deep darkness that was alike to his nightmares. There was no embarrassment despite the lack of clothing. He felt something greater, more overwhelming. This person was so much more powerful, he could sense it.

“You’ve seen it, huh.” The man was shorter than him, but exuded an aura that Kindaichi knew wasn’t something anyone could replicate. “My story. It’s ironic how you were the one to throw it all into disarray, Kindaichi.”

Kindaichi’s spine froze. “You’re…”

“Oikawa. River God. It’s about time we met, considering what’s got to happen soon.”

“That was you?”

Oikawa nodded fervently. “Yes. Whatever you’ve heard from Sugawara is true.”

“Sugawara-san? You know him?”

A dry laugh.

“He was supposed to be the last human I was going to help before I die. He was my friend, and it wasn’t a bad experience. Being friends with a human wasn’t something I did often, but just this time, I was as mortal as he was. So it was pretty even, really.”

Kindaichi squinted. Something in his story wasn’t adding up. “What do you mean, supposed to? Can’t you just grant his wish and make him happy?” He realised too late the implications of what he said, and clasped his palm over his mouth.

“You’ll see for yourself, Kindaichi. I don’t want to blame you, but I really wish you didn’t exist right here and right now.”

Kindaichi tried to take a step back, but there was no concept of space where he stood. Oikawa could kill him if he wished, but there he was, stuck somewhere that felt like neither life nor death. If he despised him so much, there was always the option of just offing him where he stood.

But Oikawa didn’t. He instead stared at Kindaichi intently, taking slow steps towards him. Without warning, Oikawa’s cold, slender fingers twisted their way around Kindaichi’s neck.

Kindaichi writhed in Oikawa’s grip, gasping and flailing around, but the grip didn’t loosen one bit. His lungs burned and his face became contorted with pain and fear. He was going to pass out.

What he saw almost made him pass out, even before the oxygen deprivation kicked in. Bits of Oikawa’s face and body began to peel and flake off, revealing a tarry black layer of gooey hate and resentment. The fingers on Kindaichi’s neck became unbearably hot, searing his skin.

The sight in front of Kindaichi wasn’t anything godly. Whatever it was, it wasn’t the River God that sacrificed his life to save his best friend. It was an embodiment of misery, the tragedy that Oikawa had held onto for centuries.

Tears dripped down Kindaichi’s cheeks. No matter what the bitter god did to him, he couldn’t help feeling horrible for his fate. He deserved none of the cruel happenings that had hit him one after the other. But he was still left without an answer. He didn’t have any ties to the River God. Why was he shown his story, and being strangled by him?

“Kindaichi. You once tried to end your own life, didn’t you.”

Once again, his vision turned fully black. But his consciousness was fully intact, and Kindaichi was taken back to when he was a struggling student, trying and failing to meet the impossibly high expectations thrown onto him by everyone he knew. He’d never wanted to disappoint anyone, but his best wasn’t enough for them.

There wasn’t any point for him to stick around if he was such a failure.

He didn’t like to think that he wanted to die. He just didn’t want to live, which was very different from wanting to kill himself. That was what he told himself, just to carry on another day. Maybe he could have walked in front of a train or drank too much. Then it would be just an accident, not a deliberate attempt to die.

But really, he was tired, and whether he wanted to end his life or not wasn’t important to him anymore. What he wanted was a break, and if that break lasted forever, he didn’t exactly mind.

He could hear the river crashing beneath the bridge. He was far from home, but he didn’t care. Somehow, he didn’t feel like he would come back. The rain was beating down diagonally onto his face and shoulders, drenching him thoroughly.

The wetness trailing down his face could have been the rain, or his tears. His grey heart beat in time to the movement of the clouds, angry and grumbling. But an empty sadness lingered, even as the wind roared across his ears and the water rushed under him violently,

He was on the handrail, deep red under his feet. Jumping was too quick, too deliberate. If he stepped off, slowly, he would have the freedom of turning back. But as he advanced closer to the edge, he found himself becoming more and more sure of what he was going to do.

He stepped off, plummeting down into the raging waters.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry lmao I left it with an even bigger cliffhanger after dying on AO3...  
> Lol


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